It's Complicated
by EdwardsBlueBalls
Summary: Bella has never been envious of anything or anybody until her stepsister took the only person she ever wanted.  cannon couples. COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

**Drum Roll brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I give you the new and beta'd It's Complicated! I little more stuff was added and grammar was fixed! I hope you like it!**

**Trueloveoverall is my hero for taking this and making it all pretty.**

**Disclaimer: Didnt dream it. Dont own it.**

Chapter 1: Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real. Tupac Shakur

_I stood in the middle of a field….no more like a meadow and I felt the warm sun hitting my skin. The smell of the flowers surrounded me the peace of the trees on the edge of this meadow brought me tranquility I closed my eyes and suddenly I hear his voice. In I knew instantly that this peace was a dream. My stomach did that uneasy feeling it does when I am around him._

_I open my eyes slowly and I take a deep breath. And I see him standing there with that smirk on his face; I swear I could even smell him. I didn't even realize you could smell in a dream. But like always, he made everything possible. I could reach out and touch him I wanted to reach out but this time he kept on walking closer and his hand lifted to softly caress my cheek, my heart started racing and suddenly I was thinking 'don't wake up let him kiss you even if it's only in a dream.'_

_I could see him lean and his green eyes… oh his green eyes that would make me just fall apart where fixated on mine. I could feel his breath on as he spoke, again can you feel someone breathing on you in a dream? Again, he could make anything possible. Slowly I felt his lips hovering over mine. I kept thinking 'don't wake up, please just don't wake up.' Suddenly he spoke ever so softly and in a whisper "don't move" he said the words softly hit my lips and I was ready for the dream kiss… so ready. He slowly was getting closer and it was going to happen, I was finally going to kiss him. The anticipation was unbearable, it was a reality, and this dream was going to be the best one yet…._

Realty hit as my alarm clock went off; I officially hated the damn thing. I groaned into my pillow cursing at myself for not setting it for only 10 minutes later. I hit the snooze button to see if I could go back to the best dream ever. Like always it did not happen.

I dragged myself out of bed and decided that it would be the last time I dream about him. It just isn't healthy; not that I had any control of my dreams but I figured if I stop thinking about him during the day it would stop my subconscious at night.

Turning the shower on, I could hear Rose arguing on the phone. Probably with Emmett, for those two fighting is more like foreplay. I don't get it but if they seem to be happy with the constant bickering who am I to judge a relationship that has lasted five years.

Rose is my roommate we went to high school together. Emmett and Rose are what you call high school sweethearts. They're not, however, that couple that makes you nauseated on how in love or sweet they are with each other. No they are constantly making fun and berating each other any way they can. If they embarrass each other at least twice a day it was a good day in their books.

They are the couple I admire, they don't let bullshit get in between them and when there is no one around they can be a couple you want to just shoot because they are very affectionate with each other. I have only seen it since I live with her and I am bound to catch them in their sweet moments.

As I finish getting ready, I walk out to our small hallway the scent off freshly brewed coffee hit my nose already perking me up. I see Rose standing making her lunch.

"Good morning, sunshine" Rose greeted a little too enthusiastically.

Rose obviously sees it's one of those mornings where I wanted to stay in bed. She just doesn't know why.

"It seems like you're ready to face the world today, you seem so chipper" she added in that sarcastic tone of hers.

"Good morning Rosalie, I see you woke up on the right side of the bed or did that argument you had with Emmett get you all hot in bothered already."

"Oh Bella you know me all too well, but I was really mad at him; you know what he did without telling me?" she said, genuinely annoyed

"What did he do; besides putting up with you mood swings?" I said grabbing a cup of much needed coffee.

"Very funny Bella but even you are going to be annoyed at Emmett."

"OK, OK just tell me already what is so bad"

"We are going on a double date…" she said in a disgusted voice

"What's so bad about that? You like people, I think, or is it someone you don't like? Because if it is you could just tell him and he will cancel; you know he will walk to the ends of the earth to make you happy."

"If it were that easy I wouldn't be as annoyed as I am but since it's his family I can't really do anything about it."

"I thought you liked his parents? Is he trying to double with Alice and Jasper but you have doubled with them before." as soon as I spoke the words I realized which family member she was talking about.

"Wait, don't tell me their back?" I said trying to keep my voice out of frantic mode.

"How is it, Bella that you don't know when your big sis is back in the states?" She said emphasizing the big sis part.

"Please she is not my sister, god I hate when you …hell when anybody refers to her as such"

The thought of Tanya being back in town made me almost not want to drink my coffee worrying that I might just throw it up if the idea stayed in my head to long. There are just two things Renee ever did that have me questioning her loyalty to her own child. One the fact that she left my dad without any notice, just a simple letter on the counter saying how she needed time to find herself and rediscover what life is about. She dragged me around for 3 years through questionable states, cities, and around people. The second thing, that even though she finally found joy with Phil, this joy came with a child of his own.

When she first told me she was getting remarried I had already been living back with Charlie for a year. I had to put my foot down when she wanted to join the circus. I respect the carnies but I sure as hell did not want to be one of them. So I told her that I needed stability and I missed him. Letting her continue on her own path of rediscovery.

Life with Charlie was simple and routine much like us both. I think it annoyed my mother that as she ran away from him I was the same as him. When my sophomore year started she called me one late fall day to tell me she had found "the one". She had found "the one" 16 years ago in Charlie but apparently he was only it for the time being. She went on and on about how fun and carefree he was and how he enjoyed all kinds of things that got your heart pumping and blood flowing. I remember thinking I hope she was referring to extreme sports. You never knew with that woman.

A few short months later not only did they have a shot gun wedding in Vegas they were now moving to Forks because Phil got a coaching job at the college for baseball since when he was younger he was in the minors. It was almost comical how she ran away from this place only to come back to it.

When they got settled she invited me to live with them but I couldn't leave Charlie. Whereas he had only me, my mom got an instant family within a few months.

I initially had nothing against the girl, we had talked on the phone a few times and she referred to me as her "lil sis" since she was a whole 9 months older than me. She didn't seem that bad in our occasional phone calls before the big move.

She became the vain of my existence once she started going to high school with me. Not only did she have long blond hair, sky blue eyes and legs that apparently would not end, and a mother and a father in the same home. She also managed to pull off straight A's without any effort, which was a feat because nobody partied as much as Tanya. I didn't care that I had brown hair brown eyes and the height of five foot nothing. I didn't care that my G.P.A was not a 4.0 because of gym. The only thing that I was jealous of her about was that she got the one thing I could never get. That was the man in my dreams.

"Hello earth to Bella, come in Bella" Rose said as she waved her hand in front of my face.

Shook my head coming out my thoughts "yea, what?"

"Well as I was telling you before you transported yourself to another place, Edward and Tanya are back and Emmett wants to make them a homecoming dinner. That is why I get stuck dealing with her and you have not seen her in like a year, while she is your sister." Rose huffed as she explained.

"That's because I avoid things that are bad for me and she is on top of that list." I rolled my eyes and took a big gulp of the deliciousness that is my white mocha coffee

"I get why you don't like her I mean she is so, so, just so…Tanya. I would almost say you prefer a makeover than see her for five minutes." Rose said with an amazed look on her face. Yeah I hate makeovers _that_ much.

"Truer words were never spoken. I would take a makeover any day than to actually have to socialize with her."

"Is this mommy issues because if it is I think you should talk to someone" she said sarcastically

"No there are no mommy issues. There are just issues with Tanya; she always made me feel uglier than I am and other things that I just don't want to get into because if I do I am going to be late."

I rushed to put on my shoes bad day to wear a pencil skirt… too late to change now. I grabbed a to-go granola bar and headed to the door.

"Have fun tonight with your double date!" I shouted running out the door smiling.

"Wait I won't see you after work; where you going?"

"I think I'm going to call Jake and hang out. The thought of Tanya back in such close proximity got me craving something strong with many shots in one cup."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you Trueloveoverall for making it all pretty.**

**Disclaimer: Didnt Dream it. Dont own it.**

Chapter 2 : A good friend is cheaper than therapy. ~Author Unknown

Just when I thought that my Friday was going to be good after the perfect dream I had, Rose had to burst my bubble by telling me that they are back. Just when I had made a promise to myself that it would be the last time I think or dream about him.

I knew that when I was driving to work that I would need a night out with my boy, Jake. I always know he would be there to heal my heart as he has done since this whole mess began six years ago.

I turned on my Bluetooth and flipped my phone, pressed the number 2 to speed dialing my perfect prince. I have to admit the codependency I have with Jake is a little worrying to those around us. It took a long time to convince Rose that nothing was going on with us.

Back in high school someone started a rumor that we had sex in the janitor's closet. I never cared what was or was not said about me. We thought it was funny and anybody that knew me would know I would never EVER do anything that crass. Not that I can't say that others share the same moral standard as me. That same week we all knew that Tanya and Edward had been seen out in the field after a football game against Port Angeles doing their own version of scoring.

I remember feeling nauseas as Jake was telling me the gory details he heard from Jessica Stanley. Apparently Tanya was not a quiet fuck because the whole team from Port Angels heard her as they piled on the bus.

"_Bella you should have seen them at the party, it's like they didn't even care that half the class knew the quickie they had in the field yesterday."_

_No words came to me, I felt pain in my chest and I suddenly could not breath properly. I found myself feeling very dizzy and suddenly I threw up on Jakes new shoes._

"_What the hell Bells, what happened you were just fine?" I apologized and offered new shoes. Told him it must have been something I ate._

_But like a good friend that he is he saw more in that reaction that a simple food poisoning. _

"_That's not it, only you had a piece of bread and glass of milk. And to be honest I can tell your holding back tears. So stop the bull and tell me what's going on." _

_Jake said pulling me over to him wrapping his arm around my shoulders._

_I bit my bottom lip as he handed me the bottled water he had in the car so I can rinse out the bad taste in my mouth. To bad it could not rinse out the bad image in my head. I looked at him and suddenly the flood gates opened I was sobbing and trying to speak in between tears rolling down my face. I felt that I would need to repeat myself over and over. But like always he understood every word that came out of that babbling mouth of mine._

_After my break down he tapped my nose. That always meant to look at him "Bells, if he doesn't see what I see then he deserves Miss Easy Lay._

I pulled into the staff parking lot when Jake finally answered his phone.

"Good morning Ms. Swan, isn't it too early for first period to be over."

"Sorry for waking you up Jake! I just had to call and tell you we're are going out tonight and we are drinking whatever can get me to forget this day happened."

"Bells, it like eight in the morning what could have possibly happened in between you waking up and getting to school that made this day already unbearable. The only time I see you so desperate is….don't tell me _that thing_ is coming back."

Jake said, I could hear the disbelief and cringing in his voice.

"Yep" I replied making my lips pop on the 'p'

"Who told you?"

"Rose this morning, Emmett wants to double with them tonight to catch up from their little adventure to God knows where doing God knows what." I got out of my car and collected my bags from the passenger seat.

"Well if it makes you feel better just think they went to some remote place in the world where they had to live in a hut and were helping the poor and needy children out there."

"Jake, if Tanya had a decent bone in her body that would allow her to do something charitable I think we would have seen pigs flying all over the last year." It's sad but true.

"Well just think that she was in a remote place in the world living in a hut getting bitten by all kinds of insects that could give her the west Nile virus." Well that's Jake for ya!

"Jake that is not something to joke about….the poor insects did nothing to you for you to insult them by insinuating that they drank her blood."

We just chuckled at the thought of feeling bad for the insect.

"As much fun as this conversation is, my classes will begin in around five minutes so I should get to class."

"So after school you're coming down to the body shop so we can get our drink on, right?" Jake said with a hopeful voice.

"You're ridiculous, but yes I am going see you promptly at 4 be ready with your best smile so we can 'get our drink on. You better have your best smile ready for me." I said rolling my eyes and walking into my classroom.

"No worries Bells I always have the best smile for you."

"Wow you are soo cheesy! I will see you at four to get this weekend started right."

I end the call and settled in my desk just as the late bell rings.

Figures, I am never late ever and Tanya is back and already is messing up my day. I haven't even seen her yet.

The announcements are starting as I turn the corner to the hall where all my students I have for home room are standing around waiting for me. I start basically power walking a saying good morning to the students as they part the way to door for me. Already with the key in my hand I reach the door open it and walking in the students follow after me each of them taking their seats. I set my bag on the table as I go to open my top drawer that has my attendance sheets.

The announcements reminded all the students and faculty that there will be a memorial service tomorrow for Mr. Banner. He was the juniors Biology teacher who was in a fatal car accident a week before school started.

It shocked me when I found out about it; he was actually my biology teacher when I went here. He was always a very sweet man; he was married with a son who actually is a freshman this year. He was going to be home schooled now. I would think it would be hard for him to be here right after his lost. In the mean time they were going to have several subs take care of the 6 classes banner had for this school year. I knew they were still interviewing for the permanent placement. I knew there were down to two people but no names were mention in our faculty meetings.

Lunch time approaches I decide to stay in my class and eat as I finish grading the pop quiz on Pride and Prejudice. There is a light tap at my door and it slowly opens. The first thing I see is jet black spiky hair and green eyes looking at me with a little giggle and some whispers "Jazz, just go I will catch up with you later I have to talk to Bell, I mean Ms. Swan about something." she fully enters and jumps right in front of my desk.

"Whatcha ya doing?" Alice asked with her big smile that is permanently on her face.

Sometimes is hard to look at her and not get sad she has a lot of the same features and expressions he has. But the one thing that always reminds me of him even when I am hell bent on not thinking about him are the same green eyes that are looking at me right now.

"Grading a pop quiz and trying to finish this sandwich if that's what they call it since it came from our cafeteria. Why what's going on?"

"Ohmygod, ohmygod do you know? You must know!" she was saying in a very enthused way.

"Well I wish I knew what you're going on and on about, what do I know?"

I was trying to kill time before we had to talk about what's got her all happy. Yes I knew exactly was she was referring to.

"Come on I know Emmett told Rose they are doubling tonight, so you must know. Why are you avoiding this topic" she asked staring at me.

This girl always knows when I am avoiding or hiding. She claims it's her sixth sense that makes her hyper aware of those she loves. For someone who is six year younger she could be very perceptive.

"I am not avoiding anything, and unlike you I don't have a 'sixth sense' to know what goes on in that head of yours. Yes Rose did inform me this morning that Tanya is back."

"Who the hell cares that Tanya is back; the important thing is that Eddie is back."

"Of course I meant to say that Rose told me they were both back, obviously; they are like peanut butter and jelly always together." I was trying to sound nice; I don't think I actually pulled it off though.

Alice rolls her eyes at the comparison I just made when I was trying to remind her that he made is choice awhile ago. She keeps telling me he is just confused and that he loves me he is just too slow or too stupid to take any action on it. But since she refuses to believe that her older brother is less than perfect she has convinced herself that Tanya has done something to him. When I mean something she is referring to black magic. Yeah I told her to get a grip and that this is not Salem and we are not doing a witch hunt.

"Whatever you say, trust me when I tell you this I feel it something is definitely going to be happening soon. It will happen as soon as you both get your heads out your asses." She says actually staring off somewhere.

She creeps me out when she does that, she gets serious and it's like she is actually seeing something and then just like that she's back to being her bubbly smiling self.

"Alice how many times do I have to remind you that I don't see him or am not interested in him in any way that's not that of an acquaintance from high school!" I cried out in frustration.

"You two were not just acquaintances from high school! You guys were best friends at one point until the bitch showed up. Ugh. I. Hate. Her."

I can hear the dislike in her voice and I can see it in her face. I would like to be around when they have family meals and Tanya is over. I know Alice and she is not one to pretend, but she does adore her brother so she might hold back.

"Well be that as it may, we have not been close for many years. Hell, we have only had maybe a hand full of conversations since graduation and I have not seen him before he left for like 5 months or something so… basically I would say acquaintance is what I would categorize our relationship as."

"If you don't get your shit together your relationship will be that of brother and sister-in- law." On that note she stomped out of the room.

_Ouch._

Suddenly for just being the only person in the room there is not enough air.

**IC**

"Stop me if you have heard this one…" Paul started saying when the waitress approached us for what it seems like the tenth time in one hour. I knew her name through the first 3 shots, after that I am not quite sure what it is at this point. When I went to pick up Jake he had invited the rest of his posse. His term, not mine. We were in a booth that was in the back corner of the dive bar we usually go to. I mean there is not many options that would cater to fancy but the bar is charming and it always helps when we know the bartender Sam. Paul and Leah are to the right of me while Jake has his arm around me on my left.

"Knock, knock"

We all said "who's there?"

"Doris"

"Doris who"

"Doris locked, that's why I had to knock."

With one look, we all grabbed a napkin rolled it up until a ball and threw it had him.

"Don't hate 'cause that shit was funny"

"Yeah as funny as my grandma hitch hiking to port angels" Leah said.

"That does not even make any sense" Jake says chuckling.

"True but the picture of that made you laugh more than that shitty joke that Paul wasted told us."

"True, true"

The waitress arrives again with the shots as she places one in front of each of us Jake raises his hand, clears his throat "ok, ok we are herre cause bellssss needed a night out to forget….. I myself have already forgotten why exactly we are herre. I think after this shot I will not member my name so iss okay cheers!" we all concur and take that shot back slamming the shot glass in the table.

That pretty much did it for me, as soon as I open my eyes again the room feels like its spinning and I start laughing.

"Hey Bells are we okay?"

"Yeah….never better"

"Bella don't worry about it" Leah starts to say. "Go with my motto"

"Oh! Enlighten us old wise one" Jake says

"Yeah old sounds around right, although wise I am not too sure about." Paul states

As soon as the words are out of his mouth she socks him in the shoulder. Mind you this guy is built but you could see when he flinched.

"OUCH! That hurt"

"You know I can do damage so why do you push your luck Jesus men are dumb. Ok Bella which brings me back to my motto." but before she tells me she calls over the waitress over. "Another round miss?"

"Actually I don-" Leah cut's me off

"No Ms. Swan you are doing another shot because I still see the sadness and the plan was to forget so if I still see it you still remember it."

"So, I actually want to know your motto" Jake says with his eyes half shut looking more asleep then awake. One more shot and where going to carry him out.

"Ah, yes the wise words of Leah Clearwater" Paul says sarcastically. "Please I am curious to find out what you live by."

"Shut your mouth, douche bag" Leah said threw clinched teeth.

"As I was saying before dumb fuck here", she throws her hand and point at Paul, "shares with us his lack of brain cells. 'Life is like a dick when it gets hard fuck it', and right now a dick just walked in and looks fuck-able."

She tilts her head to the front door so I turn around to see which man she is talking about. My heart drops as I see his face… and his green eyes. Jake and I are looking at each other in pure shock. We both know who she is referring too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Beta'd by Trueloveoverall she is all kinds of amazing. yup.**

**Disclaimer: Didnt dream it. Dont Own it.**

Chapter 3: I'm disappearing, avoiding most things- Syd Barrett

Buzz…Buzz…Buzz

"Somebody turn that damn thing off! My head feels like its about to explode." Jake say in a groggy voice. He definitely sounds like I feel ….like shit run over twice.

"Jake?"

"Yeah, what?"

"Why I'm I only in my underwear lying next to you?" I can hear my voice starting that panic pitch, "Where are my clothes at Jake?"

"I don't know I'm fully clothed."

"What"

I try to sit up, covering my front with a flimsy ass sheet that is covering both of us. But as soon as I sit up I feel the room spin so I decided to I lay back down placing my arm over my eyes and breathing slowly.

"LEAH!" Jake decides to yell while I'm lying right next to him and I feel like my temples are going to just shatter. I close my eyes tight, "Jake please do not do that again." I groaned.

"Sorry" he said sheepishly.

"What the hell are you doing yelling at this time in the morning? I have neighbors you know." Leah comes out of her room in her Doors t-shirt and we could see her black lace panties.

"Well Leah that's what I am talking about, that's a perfect way to wake up. I have two beautiful chick's with me, one is topless and the other one in some black lace panties."

"SHUT UP JAKE!" We both yell at him. I was the closest to him so it was my job to punch the asshole.

"Don't get mad at me I'm just living every straight guys fantasy right now."

"No you're not because every straight guy's fantasy is actually being able to bang both chick's, you my dear friend will never bang us." Leah said standing over him.

"Minor detail, but if it's ok with you guys, when I retell the story I woke up in the middle with both of you were fighting to snuggle with me."

Leah and I were so used to Jake's comments by now we just looked at each other shrugged and rolled our eyes.

"So, that was some fun times last night right?" Jake said breaking the peaceful silence that we had created for the last ten minutes.

"Yeah it was fun until…" Leah trailed off

"Until what?" I asked but as soon as the words left my mouth it all came rushing back to me.

_"Look who the cat dragged in" Paul yelled to Emmett across the almost empty bar._

_"Hey Pauly! What's up man?"_

_Leah turns to me wide-eyed "Don't freak out but they are coming this way. God Paul is such a dumb ass."_

_I felt the last shot slowly rising in my throat it was doing that vary familiar watering right before the vile will just come right out._

_I grab Leah and pull her close " I think… no I know I am going to be sick I need out NOW."_

_"Ok, look Tanya just stopped to say hi to someone, get out now. It's dark back here I don't think they can see who the hell is stupid enough to be hanging around Paul."_

_"Here" She handed me her keys since she lives down the block. "Take that thing with you" Pointing at a half passed out Jake. Great not only did I feel like all drinks that were consumed tonight might do a reappearance, now I have to drag this 6'1 230 lb. drunk with me great._

_"Jake lets go now." I tried to wake him up._

_"What? Oh go sure, sure" He gets up and slings his arm around my neck and I grip his waist._

_"Bye."_

_I look over my shoulder I see the four off them getting closer. Thank god we were right by the emergency exit that leads to the very questionable alley but with Jake it was not as nerve racking and the fact that I wanted out of there before I had to see them was also a determining factor. Fear just not being in option at this point._

_As soon as we step out the cold air hits me, I take a deep breath filling my lungs with what feels like heaven because all the drinks are just lingering in my throat._

_I'm half dragging Jake when I feel it; my stomach starts convulsing and I throw up all over myself right as I reach Leah's porch._

"Oh shit! Hey, Bells I found your close and they smell like a fucking wino on a summer's day" Jake yells .

"Thanks you douche. I don't think my father heard you across town. Dumb ass."

"Bella next time turn to your right and throw up on him will ya."

"So, what happened after we left? Did they know I was there?"

"No, I told you it was too dark they saw someone leave but I told them it was Jake and his girlfriend."

"Did Paul say it was me?"

"No I kicked him under the table before he ran his mouth, he wasn't sure why I wanted him quiet but he knows better, so he just went along with it."

Leah started sipping on her black coffee while I'm waiting to hear what happened after my escape.

"Soo, I'm waiting here. What happened when they got to the booth?"

"Nothing really Paul and Emmett where just being Paul and Emmett, though Rosalie did give me a questioning look when I said that Jake left with his girlfriend. I don't know what that was about. I could tell she wanted to ask me about it but she held back."

"I had told her that I was going to hang out with Jake."

"Oh, so does she knows that you loooove Mr. EC?"

"No, she's my best friend and roommate but she is with his brother and this thing I feel…it's just too complicated. I feel like I should be on Jerry Springer show titled: I'm in love with my step sister's boyfriend who used to be my best friend in high school but hates me now."

"I don't think that Jerry could fit the name of that episode on one T.V. screen."

"I thought that after them leaving I would be able to move on but shit I'm still here pining. I just need to move on."

"That you do. Shit, six years just thinking about him, girl its time you begin the next chapter of your life. This chapter is called dwelling the new one is going to be called living."

I had nothing to say, I knew she was right about it being time to move on. I have been waiting for something but I should realize that he is just not for me.

"Bella" Leah said after I stayed quiet lost in my own thoughts

"Yeah"

"Live, everyone dies but not everybody lives and you have not been living." _Did she just quote a Drake and Nikki Minaj_ _song? Yep she did._

"Yeah, your right, the thing is I have known this for years but ….AHH!"

"Now you're just being dramatic. I know we really don't know each other and we just started hanging because well our guy friends are dumber than a post and we needed each other for mental support. I do consider you a close friend now and a good person. To put it bluntly you are wasting your youth."

"Now who's being dramatic I'm only 22! You're acting like I'm the 40 year old virgin."

"No, but you are 22 and yet to experience anything intimate."

"Thanks for making me sound pathetic, it's greatly appreciated."

"Stop you know what I mean. I think it's cool that you're waiting to be in love with someone who actually will love you back to give him your virtue."

"Virtue… really?"

"Well whatever your reason is for holding back on fucking, it's commendable."

"Thanks but I just have in my head that I want it to be love not just some heated night. Hell in that case I would have lost it to this over here." I explained pointing at Jake, who was in the process of eating Leah's box of cereal.

"Hey, you would be lucky to have me. Not to sound full of myself but I got mad skills." Jake aid with a full mouth of lucky charms.

"Yeah, good for you but she needs a real man not some man-boy that sticks it everywhere."

"You make me sound like a slut…..thanks!" I rolled my eyes, only Jake would find that as I compliment.

"Well as much fun as this is talking about my lack of sex life, I have to get going. Mr. Banner's memorial service is in a few hours and I need to get ready."

Jake jumps out of the chair in the small kitchen "Shit, that's today. I had totally forgotten lets go get my car and I'll drop you off."

**IC**

While driving me back to my place Jake decided to lecture me on how I always avoid my stepsister and her boyfriend. The sooner I realize that we are never going to happen the better.

Soon as I'm in my room I start taking off the sweats that Leah lend me and her Pink Floyd t-shirt. I need a hot shower hell I needed a bath. My body feels like it's been beaten all night long.

I start hearing a beeping I look over to my purse and remembered that my phone was off and I had just turned it back on as I was walking in the apartment. Picking it up and there are 16 phone calls missed. I start to panic, the first thing that enters my mind is that something happened to my dad.

I reach my voice mail 10 voice messages the phone is instructing me on the first one.

"Isabella this is your mother, I refuse to believe that in a town with less than three thousand people I have not heard from you in two weeks. I need to talk to you. Oh good news your sisters back. Call me"

Delete

"Isabella you have…-" delete

"Isabella answer your…-" delete

"Isabella are you ign-…." Delete

"Isabella Marie Swan-" delete trust me you don't want to hear that when she's using all three names.

I delete four more that I'm sure are ways she's going to question the lack of respect I have for her.

Finally last message its not her.

"Hey Bells it's your dad. Renee just called me asking me if I have talked to you or seen you. She was going on about not hearing from you in two weeks. I did not tell her I just saw you yesterday. Call her, if not for you for me."

I feel bad. Every time I avoid her she knows where to go.

I will call her after my bath. Because that's going to be a fun conversation…great can this weekend get any more depressing.

Answer yes.

Yes it can.


	4. Chapter 4

**Trueloveoverall fixed it.**

**Disclaimer: Didnt dream it. Dont own it.**

Chapter 4: "A woman must combine the role of mother, wife and politician." -Emma Bonnino

I took longer in the bath than expected, Ok I fell asleep. I had enough time to get ready and leave for the memorial service. His son Casey and wife Maggie gave beautiful speeches. But the one that made me cry was that of his son Casey. It broke my heart hearing this 14 year old describe the incredible man his father was, he went on to say not to take for granted the moments we have with our parents.

The guilt rushed over me when he ended his speech. There was not a dry eye in the place.

Right after I called my dad and told him how much I loved him and I appreciated him completely. I was sobbing like a child. He told me that he loved me. Then he went on to tell me that I should call my mother and reminder of the same thing.

I love my mom although at times it seems that I'm dismissing her from my life, but she makes it hard to give her full access to it.

What child likes to constantly be compared to another? That's what she did since her little family formed with the Dwyer's. The fact that Tanya was everything anyone would want in a daughter. Bonding over dresses and make up has never been my thing. I was, well, still am somewhat of a tomboy. Of course I dress more like a woman because of my job but on days off I'm still a t-shirts and jeans type of girl.

As a mother, I feel that you are supposed to embrace your child how ever they are. All she ever did was criticize me which doesn't really open the gates to trust. I know she loves me, hell I'm her kid but it doesn't mean she likes me more then a certain perfect person.

Even though she can be a pain in my ass my father was right she deserved to know that I do love her and I do consider her a lot in my life.

I called her soon after hanging up with my father I was sitting in my truck. I picked up my phone and dialed her while looking in the mirror to clean up the eye makeup that was messed up from my crying.

She was still mad to say the least even after apologizing three times. Like always she was going to milk it for everything it was worth. With the guilt trip laying in to my conscious, she got me agree to stop by her house and have lunch.

IC

As I pulled up I noticed a car parked in their drive way that was not theirs. Maybe it was because of the service, it never cross my mind that Tanya would be here. As soon as I walked in I see the long blond hair sitting in the dining room with pictures scattered all over the table.

"Oh my gosh! Isabella, I didn't even hear you pull up." my mother said as she got up to hug me.

"Bella! I haven't seen you in forever." Tanya jumps out of her chair and comes and hugs me and gives me to kisses on each cheek.

Still not long enough for me.

"Yeah, I know right. How was your trip?"

"AMAZING…Bella, I cannot begin to explain to you the satisfaction one feels from helping the less fortunate in third world countries. I had no idea that there were places that couldn't provide the most basic of necessities to their people."

Of course why would she be backpacking in Europe when she was clearly helping the needy.

Damn her! I certainly can't compete with charity.

"Isabella, she was just showing me the pictures of the kids living in villages in the jungle its fascinating."

"I didn't realize you where doing charity."

"Isabella you're never around and when you are it's only for quick burts of like 10 minutes. It's never enough time to keep you updated on your sister for the last year." My mother said, defending her _step-_daughter.

This is when it becomes very difficult to not roll my eyes and walk out. She could have not said anything but she nope. I guess I deserve it. Every time I would see her I would do what's best for me to do avoid anything that had to do with Tanya.

Renee is such a scatter brain especially when I don't see her often that it's pretty easy to deflect certain subjects. I missed the old Renee sometimes, the one that would live life one day at a time not much planning or worrying. Not sure when the change came when all she could talk about was what would people think of me if they only saw me in pants and no make up.

She got lost and I desperately wanted to find her. To be honest I'm still searching.

"Come Isabella we were waiting for you to get here for lunch."

"Let me just go wash my hands." I said as I went towards the bathroom.

"Isabella use the one upstairs, Edward was washing up in the other one. I spilled the ice tea on him it was so embarrassing."

Words were being said after that but nothing much was processing. I think I told her OK and went up the stairs as quickly as possible.

Thank God I had no make up left on my face after the service. I was able to splash some water on my face and calm down. Obviously the whole moving on thing was going to have to start this moment.

Jake's little talk today was filtering in about avoiding. I was already dialing his number so he can call with an emergency that I would need to leave for. I know what he would tell me. He would go on about putting on my big girl panties and just deal.

Apparently though love is what's going to do it this time. But as much as I want to admit that he is right about how the only way to move on is to stop running and just be an adult.

So I will stay .

I will make small talk.

I will smile enough to seem pleasant and that I'm not running.

I will be nice to Tanya and her boyfriend.

I will give myself a time frame to be here because I don't want to stay too long.

Look in the mirror gave myself pep talk about how I am an adult and I can do this, there is no more hiding.

I straighten my shoulders and walk out of the bathroom.

As I am walking down the stairs I hear laughter.

See, I can do this.

Confidence.

Nothing bothers you.

Simple.

Easy.

I'm no longer going to be the teenage girl dwelling.

No, no more.

Easier said then done.

Just my luck I trip on the last step. I grab the rail so I can stop myself from having my face smack to my mother's hard wood floor. Lord knows, that she would check if the floor for any type of dent before she checks to see if I broke my face.

I land on my right knee. It hurt… a lot.

I was really hoping that they wouldn't decide to investigate the bang.

I felt one hand on each side of my waist lifting me up to my feet.

Momentarily shocked, I was relieved that I didn't feel any type of buzzing in my body. Ever since high school, any time Tanya's boyfriend was near me my body just felt funny. Like it knew he was there or he was the one touching my arm. I really don't know how to explain it.

But as for right now I felt nothing. The presence was just that of another in the same space, nothing special.

Until he spoke, "Isabella are you o.k." Phil's voice invaded my ears.

Shit.

Suddenly I hear many foot steps come around me I'm still for a few seconds they all start asking what happened.

"Isabella fell I think she banged her knee pretty hard, well at least it sounded like it. Isabella does it hurt much?"

There it went the funny feeling all over. I haven't looked up, inspecting my knee; I think I made some kind of complain about my pantyhose getting ripped. But I feel him to my right. I feel his eyes on me. I feel the same buzz.

As my eyes look up and find all eyes on me. I want to leave all ready, I was trying to think of any excuse to leave.

"Isabella you have to be more careful, you're always tripping or falling. I still don't understand how you have not broken anything yet; you're a walking accident waiting to happen."

Well, thanks mom for stating the obvious.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Yeah that voice still sounds delicious. Yes, you heard me good enough to eat. Just like the rest of him.

"Yes, like mom said, I myself don't understand how I'm not in a whole body cast yet."

"HA! Remember our junior year in P.E. when we were just walking around on the track and you just fell over. Your balance has never been the best."

I feel my face get hot. I can feel the blush start to spread all over.

"I tend to forget that you two have known each other for a long time." Renee comments

"Oh, yeah, well not that long, I guess. Anyway I'm alright. Can we please stop talking about how much of a walking disaster I am and start eating lunch?"

Renee throws both her hands up and runs into the kitchen informing us to just give her 10 minutes while the chicken heats up again.

"Tan, that gives us enough time for me to show you what your aunt Kate sent you last month."

"What is it?"

"Well I want you to see it; it's in my office come on." Phil waved his had for Tanya to follow him down the hall to the office.

That's when I realized that I was just standing there with him.

"Excuse me I'm going to go see if she needs help in the kitchen." I said, wanting to get out of the room and away from Edward.

With as little eye contact possible I started to walk past him to head into the direction of the kitchen. When suddenly I felt his warm had wrap around my wrist to stop me. I look down at our connection and he speaks ever so softly almost a whisper really.

"Why is it that you are always walking away?"

The process of his words are taking longer to sink in and I shake my head slightly just to come back from words filling my ears and the sound of a voice almost sad asking me.

"I-I don't know what you mean."

"Really? We were best friends at one point of our lives and for the last six years it seems like we never knew each other. Hell, before I left this last time we didn't talk for most of that year."

"Edward" I said with a smile on my face. It hurt to be fake but hopefully I can pull it off.

"You went to the other side of the country for college. We didn't keep any type of communication. Even after you came back you never gave me any indication that you wanted our friendship to be as it was once upon in high school."

"I know and I felt like a total tool for that. I never wanted you out of my life and somehow I managed to push you out of it. I will admit to that but I do want you back in my life and not just as my girlfriend's sister."

"Step sister" I said. I was trying to keep so this conversation would be light possible even though the subject matter was heavy.

What was he thinking trying to have a heart to heart at this moment, ten minutes until we have to sit for lunch while his girlfriend is just a few feet away. Did he expect me to have this long awaited conversation we have been dancing around from for six years now?

For someone who always graduated in top of his class he sure failed communication with women.

"Look, I hardly think this hallway and these five minutes we have before lunch are going to be sufficient in clearing what ever air you think we need to clear."

"Your right, I am sorry. Do you think we can you know meet up sometime this week and talk?"

Why is he doing this? I don't understand, can't we just keep it like it has been very little conversation? Just the proper amount of greeting to seem cordial and nobody would question why I steer clear of him.

This is just my luck, exactly when I got it in my head that I can and will move on, he wants to go and be friends again.

Why can't he just let it go it's been years?

Yeah. I do see the hypocrisy of my words here.

"So? What do you say?"

"OH! Baby, guess what Aunt Kate sent me!" Tanya screeched, practically skipping out of the office like she was five years old. She stopped right in front of him wrapping her arms around his neck, "She was able to find all the home movies of my mom that I have been bugging her for like ever about."

He was still holding on to my wrist. It felt wrong with her arms around him it. I twisted my way out of his grip because at this point the pain of how tight he was actually holding me was getting a little intense.

He didn't turn to look at me as I got out of his hold.

See. I'm use to that. Why he wants to change what is obviously a healthy interaction between a stepsister and stepsister's boyfriend is beyond me.

Just when I thought this day could not get anymore exhausting. It does.

A/N

This chapter did not want to end but I think it was a good place to end it. It could have kept going but I don't like them to long. Anyway thnx for reading review if you must.


	5. Chapter 5

**Trueloveoverall = unbelievable**

**Disclaimer:Didnt dream it. Dont own it.**

Chapter 5: "Love is so short, forgetting is so long."-Pablo Neruda

I stayed for an hour but it felt like eternity there.

There should be a law about how long you have to be at your mother's house. It should be no more than 30 minutes because after that-you start picturing ways you can cut off veins without anybody noticing.

Conversation was surrounded by the amazing selfless people who sat across the table from me. The praised is well deserved. What wealthy young man with good looks would take a year of his life, to travel central America to many different villages with the less fortunate and giving time, money, and help. He have been drinking and partying like a typical male his age.

My stepsister's boyfriend comes from a family that has money. Esme Cullen comes from old money and the different investments for the Masen Corp. has the Cullen kids with a nice trust fund. That's just her side, Carlisle started his own Construction company. He came from a long line of Doctors but apparently that was not his calling. He loved design and building. He is considered one of the top architects in the country.

Both his sons went to school to take over the business once he retired. He is not forcing them though, always saying that they will have enough time to be in the office and making decisions. Emmett has started traveling to New York once a month for the meetings and to discuss the different projects that are being developed.

Why you ask do they live in this corner of the country in a small town? City life was not for them. Too much noise they would complained when I started complaining of not enough noise this place.

The whole family takes pride of their charity work. They always had some donations being made to different causes. Apparently some people in the family like a more hands on approach to their contributions.

Do you see where not falling for him is hard? Even if I would have met him now he is just so perfect. Even in high school he would set up drives for those of need during the holidays or if a natural disaster affected an area he would have his parents donate for that cause.

While enveloped in one of his stories over the past year, I could not help but actually look at him. I tried to not to when we were in the hallway. But sitting there across from him I couldn't help but get a good view in his face.

Lips, Perfect

Eyes, Beautiful.

Jaw line? Amazing.

Cheek bones, out of this world….seriously its unseen on a guy

Hair…..Wait.

What happened to the hair?

Focused in on the rest of his handsome face that I didn't deviate up to where his crazy hair usually sits at.

It looked like it was growing out. It looked good not that he could look bad.

No. not part of that DNA.

Sometimes when my mind is distracted, my mouth tends to just have verbal outburst.

Suddenly, while in the middle of explaining how this poor child lost both his parents in one day; my mouth decides to blurt out "you cut your hair".

Silence.

If the tiniest needle fell on that table I think the whole world could have hear it. The heat started to work from my neck up to my hairline.

"Sorry, I …I didn't mean to interrupt your story" I mumbled while trying to stuff my mouth with lettuce and chicken so my verbal diarrhea will sees for the time being.

"No, it's ok. I actually buzzed it off. Long hair, it's not really ideal when you don't know if there will be enough water to clean up. As you know to keep that mop in place I would need to carry around product and I'm not that vain I got use to it this short."

He said this while rubbing the short hair on his head.

"I love it" Tanya says, I almost forgot she was even there, "He looks all kinds of sexy."

Yeah, he did.

Leans over and gives him a peck on the lips.

I found the right time to focus on eating quicker and getting out of there.

Five minutes and twelve seconds later I'm grabbing my purse to get out of there. Apologize to my mother for not staying and helping clean up but I had a stake of papers that apparently could not wait to get graded. I don't think she believed me but she couldn't question me.

IC

On the way home I stopped off at the store to get a bottle of rum. Just thinking about the day I had made me want to relax the rest of the night. When I got home I made myself a coke and rum and chugged it. My body felt relax and I sat down in the living room and turned on the T.V. Slowly felt my eye lids so heavy that fighting to keep them open was not an option.

Coming out of my sleep, I hear giggling. Trying to sit up but my limbs feel so heavy.

"Wake up, wake up sleepy head." Who is that? I open my eyes to find a green eyes just inches away from my face. "Oh, shit! You scared me. What are you doing here Alice."

"Don't sound too excited to see me." she said acting hurt. "Can't one come and hang out with good friends on a Saturday night?"

"Of course but I would assume you would be with your brother. I think I heard him mention taking you out to dinner for some bonding or something." Maybe it wasn't today.

"I did go to dinner with him. Now I'm here with you he actually dropped me off. Rose wanted a girl's night and she invited me yesterday night when they went over the house before they left for some drinks."

"Wait, you said you already had dinner? What time is?" Now I was full on sitting up right trying to adjust to the light in the room.

"Its nineish, time to get the party started!"

"Where is Rose?"

"Taking a shower."

I stand up and stretch. That felt nice. Looking over the kitchen area I see all the right bottles out. Rose had girl's night in mind with some hard liquor in the mix.

"Your not drinking Alice."

"Yeah, Yeah Rose said the same thing. Luckily for you two I don't need anything to make me feel good."

Once Rose got out of the room we settled in front of the TV to watch some good sappy movies. Rose started making some drinks for herself I was good from the drink I had earlier. I did not need a repeat performance from last night.

As the night continued Rose started to get intoxicated. It was quite comical. Alice and me just sat back and enjoyed the funny shit coming out of her mouth.

It was almost midnight when the door bell rang. I got up with a question look, but as soon as I opened it should have known it would be Emmett.

"Hey lil B" he said as he hugged me tight and spun me around. "Hey big E, you could put me down before I lose all oxygen to my brain."

"Ha, sorry I forget you're all fragile and shit."

"Delicate, big E, delicate. Fragile sound like I'm weak. And I'm not weak." rolling my eyes at him. He just doesn't realize that he is one big guy and he can hurt by just a light tap. But I love the big lug.

"Anyway, what up? Missed the old ball and chain and had to see her? Too bad it is GIRLS night big."

Rose runs to him and jumps on him like a monkey and gives him one big sloppy kiss. Emmett looks at me and winks.

"Oh, yeah just how I like them drunk and ready to go."

"Shut up! I'm not drunk just a little tipsy" Rose says as she shows him with her fingers how little tipsy she is.

"Baby I know, but I can't help it then when you drink you like PDA. Its ni-" she's attacking his mouth again. It's almost obscene.

"Can you two get a room; virgin eyes don't need to see her brother get molested by his drunk girlfriend." Alice chimes in covering her eyes.

"I'm not drunk, I can't help that your brother is hot as hell and he makes me want to do all kinds of nasty things to him."

"Great now I have to bleach out my ears. I am a minor take it to the room you two."

Emmett laughs with a Rosalie still wrapped around his waist attacking his neck. She gets really excited when she drinks. He has a bag and tells Alice its her stuff she forgot in Edwards car.

"Ali, Ed said that you stormed out of the car and forgot it so I volunteered to drop it off."

"What he do to piss you off?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Let me just inform you that you are the best brother, he in the other hand sucks. And you can quote me on that."

"Well thank you I been waiting for years for you to see the light and come to your senses and see that this right here" motioning to himself. "Is the best there is, its about time you see it."

"Yeah you're the best" rose says while sucking his earlobe in her mouth.

"Ok, well know that you came and you did what you needed to do you can get going" I state.

"No, he has not done anything to come so if you excuse us we will be in my room. Sorry ladies, girl's night will have to wait till next time." Rose said. As we saw them walk down the hall and disappear into her room. Thank god they had the decency to turn on some music and I put the volume up on the TV.

"Soooo?"

"So, what?"

"Alice, you never fight with your brother. I mean never. What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

I'm not going to push her. I hate when they do that to me so I wont to her but something is definitely odd about this.

"I had lunch with them today."

"Yeah, he told me."

She's not pushing for information. Or at least my side of the events. I'm sure he told her today at dinner.

"Did he also tell you that he wants to get together sometime this week to reestablish our best friend status apparently?" I know that would get her attention.

She shoots her head up "WHAT?" So he didn't tell her everything.

"When?"

"What exactly did he say?"

So, I go on and tell her everything that happened at my moms and the weird ten minute conversation regarding our friendship. For the first time in a while Alice is quiet I can almost see her brain turning and trying to figure something out. I tell her that whatever problem she and her brother have it will be fine and they will figure it out. His only been back a day in a half it can't be serious.

"Bella?"

"yeah?"

"I don't think you should meet him up. Let him know what it's like to lose something"

This is weird.

"I was thinking about it but I think we should leave things as is. It's worked so far. You know."

It grown silent. Where both lost in our thoughts.

"Bella?"

"Yeah"

"I think it's time for you to forget my brother."

Out of all the things she could have said this is not what I expected. I turn to look at her. Were sitting side by side in the couch slouching down with our feet up on the coffee table in front of us.

"Alice, I don't know what you're talking about." Seriously at this point have no idea why she is telling me this.

"Look, like I told you yesterday I know you love him, and I thought, it doesn't matter what I thought." She almost looks as heartbroken as I started to feel. "I just want you to be happy and you can't waste time sitting around waiting for a dumbass that doesn't know his head from his ass."

"I know" I mumbled.

"See, I knew it and as much as I want you to be with him." I cut her off.

"You can't make him love me. I get it Alice. I m glad you finally see what I have been seeing for the last six years. He loves her. Just because you want two people to be together, doesn't mean it's going to happen."

Somehow saying this to her, the one person who has kept some type of hope alive in me makes the statement final. Tears start forming in my eyes I try to stop them from falling but my heartaches. In seconds, I'm full on crying. Alice puts her arm around me and lets me cry. I think this is the moment I let my heartbreaks for the last time.

It's time to forget this love and leave it in the past.

I know I have been saying this for the last couple of days but this is the first time I truly feel it.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: "Dating is just awkward moments and one person wants more than the other. It's just that constant strangeness. I think it's a very real thing."-Jason Schwartzman

Part 1

Looking down at my watch, in which feels like the billionth time. My date is late. Not a total surprise. Ever since the sleep over two months ago with Rosalie and Alice, I been out in a total of ten dates with eight different guys. Mr. tardy is 9th on the list. I can already tell this is going to go as well as the former dates.

After the crying that night in Alice's shoulder she decided to recruit all my female friends that might have potential in finding the "right" one for me. Not quite sure what got her to do a total turn about me and her brother. Far as I know she has started speaking to him but its not the same. Big E keeps announcing that his still the best. So silly that one.

A week after the sleep over, Rosalie found the 'perfect' guy. He was cute, sweet, good teeth, and had a job. Her description. Well, he was interning at Rosalie's fathers law firm just like she was. His name was Ben Chaney. He came and picked me up at my house to go to the diner and have some ice cream. I didn't want to do a dinner just in case it when completely wrong we didn't have to endure to much time together.

Surprisingly enough he was good company. He had moved to Port Angeles his Senior year and went to Berkley for college. Told me his really close to his family and decided to come back to Washington. Ben was a total sweet heart and I can see why any girl be lucky to date this guy and fall in love. But remember my luck? While eating our Sundays My friend Angela Webber that I went to high school came in and saw me. She was in town visiting from Seattle where she works as a dental assistant. I excused my self to go to the rest room and left them with small talk. I guess the five minutes where to long when I found them exchanging numbers. Angela was already sitting in my spot across from him. I stood there for two minutes before they noticed I was back.

Clearing my throat, both looked at me and both were blushing. Yeah. Safe to say my date ended ten seconds after that. I grabbed my purse and told them that they should stay and enjoy the evening and I would call a cab to take me home. Poor Ben his face said it all. He walked me out and was apologizing assuring me that this has never happened to him but there was something about her. I could be mad and I believe that he was not the type to hurt anybodies feelings. True gentleman waited outside with me until the cab came. I think he mumbled that Rose was going to have his balls for doing this to her best friend.

Ben was right Rosa was talking about how she could rip his balls and make him eat them. I reassured her that it was cool. There still together.

A week after that successful date. It was one of Emmett's buddies from golf. How Emmett got involved in my dating is beyond me. I was going in to these dates with an open mind. Riley, or as I like to call him the texter.

He was texting when we met up for the movie, during the movie, and after the movie. I saw him look up the screen maybe a total of three times for five minutes each. The texting was distracting me. When dropping me off he told me he would text me so we could hang out again.

Then there was the nail bitter, Garrett funny guy average looking. And I understand having some habits that become hard to over come but when your biting your nails while we are eating and spit it into my food. Yeah, that date ended fifteen minutes into the meal. I should have known better this is the guy my mother found for me. Yeah, how she got evolved in my dating life I don't know. Why I let it happened is even a bigger mystery.

Alice was trying to sell me on going out with her boyfriend Jaspers cousin Peter. I had seen him around but I knew he dated some girl named Charlotte for a few years. They had broken up a month ago. Since he was coming off a relationship I didn't feel like it was the best choice. But Alice assured me that he did want to go out at least to hang out. I thought why not it just a date. A date that turned into two hours of Peter crying. We decided to go to a bar in Port Angeles called the Last Call. Well, Two long Islands and 5 shots later he was asking my advice on how to get his ex girlfriend back. I had to drive his car back, for obvious reasons. I was just thankful he didn't puke on me.

Like Emmett and my mother, I guess my dad felt left out and decided that one of his deputies was a good guy. Alec was nice enough but I think he felt more pressure to accept this date because my dad is his boss. There was not real spark there and I can tell he was really uncomfortable. He was honest and let me know.

"Bella I think, you are really pretty and nice…but…the fact that I work with your dad, scares me."

"I understand Alec, I do and I did have a good time. Don't worry were just meant to be friends that's ok you are sweet. About my dad don't worry I will take care of it."

I never seen such relief in somebody's face. I didn't take it personal. He was at least honest and I could respect that. I got a good buddy out of it sometimes we bump into each other and there is no awkwardness and for that I'm glad. I just told dad that we were better off as friends. I know why he wanted me to date Alec, the fact that he was a cop and knew that he was a good guy. He worries so much.

In the middle of trying to have a social life, the beginning of the school year demanded a lot of time. Pep rally's, homecoming, football games and dances took over little down time I had in between dates.

This year our homecoming dance would be combined with the Halloween dance. I was approached by Mrs. Cope to see if I was able to Chaperone both the game and the dance. Normally I would let her know that I would only do one, but figuring this would keep all my friend and family from sending me on a date for that weekend was very appealing. So, I agreed. The replacement for Mr. Banner was actually announced to our faculty as Aro Cope. He was Mrs. Cope's son who had moved back to this side of the country to be closer to his mother since she had lost her husband last year. He was a handsome man, early thirties very serious but polite. I had a hand full of conversations with him his first few days. When Mrs. Cope first recruited me for the homecoming events she started seeking me out every Monday since to always ask me about my dates. Should have known there was a reason for her interest suddenly in my dating status.

"You know Bella I think I have the perfect guy for you" Mrs. Cope said one Wednesday afternoon while eating lunch with me. I had to hold off on trying to roll my eyes. The thought of dating her son never cross my mind. He was at least ten years older. I didn't mind the age difference but he has never shown any type of interest romantic or other wise. See, I should have seen this coming since every chance she got she would go on about how Aro liked reading books and art. Once and a while she would push that fact that we had so much in common.

"Really, umm…I'm kinda holding off on going on any dates right now. I'm trying to regroup myself after five of the most interesting dates I have ever experienced."

"Bella, you cant stop now. Plus I know this will be different because like I said he is perfect for you and you are perfect for him."

"I don't know…I'm just trying to take a bre-"

"Just one date. Come on and I know you know whom I'm referring to."

"Unless I'm wrong you are speaking of your son correct?"

"Yes, come on he needs to find a good girl and you're the best one out there."

"I have only spoken to him a handful of times, I don't think he likes me in that way.."

"You just said it. Handful of times that you've spoken to him. The two of you just need to get to know each other. Unless the fact that his in his thirties is an issue?"

"NO, no of course not I mean his what like thirty one? Thirty two?"

"His thirty one. Its only nine years. Hell me and his father where fifteen years apart."

"Age is not the issue with me. The fact that we work in the same place is a concern. As much as you want this to work how bout it doesn't and one of us or both end up feeling uncomfortable around each other. Or you know how this faculty is worse than the students them self's when it comes to the roomers."

I thought I had a good argument there-and she would drop it.

Yeah, wishful thinking.

"Look, how bout we do this. He is also chaperoning the dance and the game you two could hang out. Not a date but just a chance to spend some time together while working and get to know each other. What do you say?"

"Only if he is ok with it as well, I don't want him to feel that he has to do this."

"Honey, I know he wants to do this his been asking questions about you so the interest is there."

So, I agree to this idea. I don't know if the him asking about me bit was true but hey if anything we could just be friends. He cant be worse than the other guys I have gone out with. No, cant be worse than Garrett or Riley. I know he was not going to end up like Peter since Mrs. Cope never mention any resent break up before him moving here.

We end up getting to know a little about our similar interest during the game on that Friday night. I had to explain football since he doesn't follow it. After the game he actually invites me to get some coffee. It was nice, we spoke more about favorite books and movies. He was defiantly and intellectual man. The age difference was not apparent we liked a lot of the same books and conversation was mostly about work and certain students lack of respect. He gave me a kiss on the cheek as he walked me out to the truck. We agree he will pick me up and we can ride together for the homecoming /Halloween dance.

The dance was more like a masquerade ball then a Halloween costume dance. We thought it would be better since half of the costumes for the young woman where mini skirts and blouses that showed off all kinds of cleavage. Better safe than sorry. The student complained but there was going to be no exceptions to the dance dress code.

Rosalie lend me a beautiful dress that she had from a few years back that no longer fit her. Not because she was fat, but she did have more curves and the dress was made for under developed bodies like myself. It was black, halter with a slit on the right leg. There was a pink scarf that hanged right next to the slit. I went and found a pretty pink mask that glittered and shinned in all the right places. I went easy on the pumps only one inch heels for me I wanted to be able to walk the next day. With hair and make up in place I walk out of my room. I was putting all the bare essentials in the small clutch that Alice lend me. When I walk out to the living room I just feel eyes on me. Yeah, I know that feeling and only one person gives me that feeling.

When I look up he is standing a few feet away from me. Why is he here?

"Oh!, I was not expecting you here."

"Sorry, I'm suppose to meet up Em here but he is running late."

"Oh, ok."

"You look incredible."

"Thanks" Still fidgeting with the clutch its not that big but it seems like the few items in there are the most interesting things in the world. Since I'm trying to avoid any type of small talk here. I start to look around and I see that Rose is nowhere in site. Her bedroom door is open and the lights are off. Bathroom, shower is running. Great.

"So….chaperoning huh. That sounds like fun."

I give a small smile. "yeah, tons" looking at my watch I see that Aro is not due for another 15 minutes.

Shit, great.

"You never did get back to me regarding meeting up and talking." he says while vastly interested in the door mat.

With the dating and the school events I been able to dodge lunch at my mothers for the last 2 months. She of course is not jumping my back about it because I'm trying to find my husband. So she lets it pass. For now. In not having enough time to see mom I also miss out on seeing step sister and step sisters boyfriend.

Why is he going there again.

Shit.

"Right" I make it sound like I had forgotten the request. "It's the time of year, a lot of school events and you know football games…"

"Right and dates" he adds.

Why does he care.

"Yeah, and dates" I say when my phone starts going off. I look and see its Aro. "Speaking of dates I have to take this" I say pointing to my phone.

Aro, was calling to get the directions to my house and let me know that he should be arriving with in ten minutes. He apologizes for being early but I let him know that that's perfectly fine and that I'm ready.

"Isabella I think that the fact your ready to go before I get there is amazing. I thought I would have to wait an extra twenty."

"See, don't go and stereo typing me."

"Well, now I wouldn't dare. Well see you in a few."

"Ok, bye"

I hear a booming voice at the door. Great I cringe poor Aro will have to meet Emmett.

"Well, well, well what do we have here? Is that my favorite teacher from Forks High looking all kinds of sexy."

"That sounded really creepy coming from you since your like a brother to me. But thank you."

"Lil B, you look beautiful is that better?"

"Yes, thanks big."

"So, I know your like chaperoning and all but Rosie told me you have a date with the new guy at the school?"

" I , guess if you want to call it a date. His picking me up and dropping me off."

"Sounds like a date so I'm going to have to treat him like so."

"Big really I love you and this is sweet trying to intimidate or what ever your trying to do but trust me Aro is a gentleman. Sometimes your worse than Jake." I chuckle while looking in my compact mirror one last time just to make sure all make up is in place.

"By the way, he still wants to pounce on your boy Riley for the whole date texting debacle."

"Tell him not to worry about it I took care of it."

"Oh, my god Emmett I was just kidding, please tell me you didn't?"

"Don't worry about it all I did was sca-"

"Knock knock. Sorry the door was open I'm here to pick up Isabella."

I couldn't see him because Edward was standing in the same spot. In front of the door. What was his deal.

"Aro, please come in" I move over so he can see me.

"Isabella you look breath taking, we should be going out to a nice restaurant not some high school dance the way your looking."

"Why thank you. We make quite the pair today you are look handsome as ever. Oh, sorry were is my head Aro this is Emmett one of my good friends and my best friends boyfriend and this" I say motioning to the statue that's not moving from the front door. "Is his brother Edward, everybody this is Aro Cope."

"Almost forgot they told me you are Mrs. Copes son right?" Emmett says.

"That would be correct"

"Dude, your mom is awesome, she would always give me tardy slips for my classes with out a really good story to. She made my senior year bearable."

"That sound like her." he says with a smile on his face.

"I don't want to be rude Isabella but we should get going. We have to be there to check dress code as the students enter the dance."

"Oh, yes of course. Well guys I hope you have a good night " I say as I'm grabbing my Shaw and heading out.

"WAIT!" we all turn to see a Rosalie jumping on one foot trying to get her other stiletto on.

"Bella, I cant believe you leaving before I take good look at you."

Rose decides to take a picture and I have to remind her that we do need to get going. Assures me that I look good and that Aro seems like a really nice guy. On our way out my door Edward grabs my wrist similar to the day at my moms house and tells me to have a good time and to call him when I get the time to talk to him. He almost looked sad but I'm trying not to read to much into it I have a dance to get to.

**A/N: **

**Longest chapter yet. **

**This is part one of Bella's dating second part will be next chapter.**

**Sorry for any mistakes its like 3 am so if there is more than usual I do apologize.**

**Thank you for all who are adding this lil story on your fav's or alerts. **

**For those who actually take the time to review thank you so much. Its not a lot of you that do but the ones that are on it every chapter thank you so much. **


	7. authors note

**A/N:**

**When I decided to post this story. It was just for fun. I'm not claiming to be the best writer far from. I'm not claiming that this story is going to be the best story out there, because I didn't. It was just for fun. I was not expecting anybody to alert or favorite it. My surprise was that I did get alerts and favorite on this little story of mine and for that I'm thankful. For those posting positive reviews, I thank you I know that there are a lot of errors and for that I apologize. I did receive a review that let me know what a poor writer I am and the reason that people are not responding to my story is because all my errors are very distracting and the story line is bad. I understand the errors and how you might think I'm a poor writer. But to judge a body of work that is not finished did bother me. I thought I could dismiss any bad reviews that I might get. I'm not delusional I expected it. I'm not going to lie it has made re evaluate what I have written. I don't want to post something that is not good at all. I have the whole thing outlined and I hate to start something and not finish it but if really did get to me. I was going to start on Chapter 7 but .I'm feeling unsure about what I'm putting out there. This is the first story I have written and I appreciate constructive criticism but on 6 chapters in I'm still learning or trying to anyway. It might take me a little bit longer to post next chapter just because I'm deciding what to do next. Because if the story or my errors are really that bad I wont waist your time or mine.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 7: Part 2

The dance was just that a dance. Keeping an eye on the dance floor while making sure the students don't get to grabby with each other, or start dancing to provocatively. We did have to calm some of them down because they were more or less dry humping each other instead of dancing. On the last dance Aro actually asked me to the dance floor. I tried to tell him how badly I actually am but he insisted. I only stepped on him twice. I thought that was quite good, he would just smile down on me reassuring me that it was alright. He really was a sweet heart. He took me to Sam's bar after and we did have some drinks, not to much of a surprise when we bumped into Jake and Leah with Paul and his date cant remember her name. Leah, looked like she was about to hit the girl, not sure why. We decided to sit separately and actually make the night out feel like a date.

He dropped me off home and gave me a kiss on the cheek again, it was sweet. Actually I did appreciate that he didn't try anything further. Sunday was my usual day to go visit dad and spent the day with him. That allowed me to get out of the apartment early enough before Rosalie got up and started asking questions about my night. Also, I can spear my self to hear whatever the double daters did as well.

Sunday was easy and relaxing just lounging with my dad. He was telling me that he is dating someone new. But he would not divulge info on who it is. " Dad just tell me who it is." I told him with a stern look in my face. "You know this place is small and everybody likes to talk, so I will find out if I ask the right people."

"Bells" He says gushing out a breath of air. "I just want to see where it goes before I do the whole lets meet and introduce the family thing."

"So, what you think its not going to get serious that's why you don't want to tell me who its is."

"Well. Its not that its just." for the first time ever I see my dad get nervous. I even believe he is blushing. What is that. Oh this must be more serious than I thought.

"Oh. My. God. Look at you your getting all nervous and cute about the questioning." I say while I'm trying to hold in a giggle. "This is serious you just don't want me too no how serious. Why? I will support it who ever it is?"

He would not budge. I let him slide he will tell me when his ready. I just want him to be happy. He's always been there for me even when we didn't live togher. And if I'm being honest he is the best parent. Better than my mom. Yes. I do have a favorite. Like she has a favorite.

After spending Sunday with my dad I get home and Rose is no where to be found. I check to see if she felt any note letting me know if she wanted to go out for dinner but she didn't. I text her and she just replied that she was in Port Angeles with Em and they would be getting back late. Monday was just another day in school. I had lunch with Aro instead of his mother which funny enough was nowhere to be found at that time. The week progressed much the same. I kept missing Rosalie, we where never home at the same time. I did try to get dinner with her on Wednesday but she was acting out of character. She was being cold towards me but maybe I was being sensitive. Well that's what she told me when I asked her if there was something bothering her or if I did something.

"Bella, stop being dramatic. Just because we don't sent every waking moment together means we have to You need to stop being so sensitive. The world does not revolve around you."

I just stood there kind of dumb founded. The way she delivered that statement was so cold and I didn't understand it. Maybe she was PMSing it. I don't know I gave her "space."

When the weekend rolled around again Aro invited me to the movies on Friday. We went to see a movie about an elephant and some water. I cried and the main character was hot. It was another good date with Aro. Again drove me home and kissed me on the cheek and said we would see each other on Monday.

Sunday was with Charlie. Still not giving up the info. About the new girlfriend. I let him slide not pushing to much on the subject. Not knowing I was going to find out a few days later.

Monday came faster than I needed it to. Rose was avoiding me for whatever reason. I would ask her about her day she would just say "Fine, and yours?" She wouldn't even wait for my response on some days. I was getting a bit annoyed by her behavior. I came to think that maybe something happened with Emmett since he hasn't been around lately. It was all so strange. But that theory went out the door when I heard her talking to him on the phone and they sounded better than ever. In fact she was being the same with everyone but me. On Tuesday I heard her tell Em that she was just going to Port Angeles for some shopping with a bunch of the girls. What girls? I thought she didn't tell me about going shopping. Then I thought maybe she's going with Alice.

It seemed that Tanya was actually growing on Rosalie. Out side the double dates with the brothers they actually started hanging out together. Rosalie wouldn't tell me, which actually hurt. I don't know I wasn't jealous I'm glad she's able to get along with her. Just because I was hurt at the fact that she got what I wanted doesn't make her a bad person …I guess. I'm trying to let go and move on. But there was just always something about her that just did not click with me but …maybe I'm just looking for things to not like her.

Alice was the one who let me know that they have been getting together. She was not supportive at all.

"Bella, you need to get Rose in check with your friendship, its like she's cheating on you."

"Alice" I sigh and grab both her shoulders. "We. Are. Not. In. High School." I state slowly so it sinks in.

"What does that have to do with anything?" she crosses her arms over her chest. Sometimes I forget that she is only 17 years old and friendships are a lot different in the real world versus high school.

"Rosalie, can be her friend. I'm not going to get mad at her. Although I am hurt that you're the one telling me that they are friends. I don't know why she is keeping it from me, maybe that explains the distance I have been seeing lately from her." Alice looks at me with a question in her eyes.

"What do you mean? distance?"

"I don't know it feels weird trying to have a conversation with her she seems to try and rush it….I don't know maybe its just me I been out of it lately."

"No, you know she's been kinda like that with me like she's trying to get away or something. I don't know but I bet you that bitch has something to do with it."

In Alice's world anything bad Tanya causes it. I have to be the adult here and make her see that Rosalie would never let anybody influence her. It would be easy to blame Tanya for any weird vibe coming of Rose, but its not fare to the girl.

"Alice, you cant blame everything on Tanya. You need to try and get along with her she is your brothers girlfriend."

"No, she's more like my stupid ass brothers keeper. I hate her."

"Yes, I know but" I look at the clock on the wall and realize that my free period is about to end. "she is is girlfriend try to be nice, and your bathroom break from Economics is the longest one yet. Let me give you a pass."

**IC**

After my last class I went searching for Aro in his class room. I wanted to see if he wanted to join me at Sam's I was meeting up Leah and Jake their for some unwinding. I saw the door ajar and saw that the utility room that is located in the back of the room's light was on I walk in and started walking toward the door when I started hearing moaning. First thing that came to mind was that some students got in there and were making out. Well I hope that's what they were doing anyway. I heard a male voice panting

"Oh, so good …hummm…you are so good ." more shuffling. I kept my steps slow and quiet as I reached the back door it was slightly open .

"Shhh. Your being loud." another male voice said whispering.

It didn't matter students are students girl, boy, boy, boy, girl, girl this was not acceptable. I finally reach the door and I slowly push it. That's not what I was expecting. There they were our Art teacher Mark who is one of the few gays that are out in Forks with a very closeted Aro in a heated embrace. I didn't want to be seen so I try to back out un noticed. But its me and my stealthy ways are not the greatest. I back up into a chair that's next to the door.

"Shit!" is I say when I realize that both heads are no longer sucking each others faces off but are looking at me. I start to apologize. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I was on my way out." I quickly turn around and start walking as fast as possible out the classroom into the hallway. Where there are some students still around for the different clubs that take place after school.

I can feel Aro on my heals trying to catch up as I'm turning the corner to my class room. Why didn't I take my things with him when I decided to go invite him. I reach the door open it and try to close it when I see his foot jammed in between the door and the wall.

"Bella, can I explain?" I see his face more than embarrassed he looks scared.

I don't care if he is gay. Hell good for him if he found someone, but why the lie? Why the dates? I wasn't in love with him but I did like him. He should have just been honest with me.

"Aro, you don't have to explain anything to me. Its your private matter its not my business. I do apologize again I was just going to invite you for some drinks with some of my friends. I shouldn't have just came in your class room like that."

"No, Bella I ….I wanted to tell you. I didn't want to lead you on but my mom was pushing it…I was just trying to make her happy. I'm sorry if I hurt you." he says with shame ridden all over his face.

"Aro, don't worry about me, it actually makes perfect sense to me" I say as I start to giggle and his looking at me like I have lost it. "You're the first guy I have gone out with in the last few months that didn't turn out to be a disappointment. Of course your to good to be true. Too bad its guys you like." I give him a hug. "Look, don't worry" I make the motion of sipping up my mouth. "These lips are sealed I will not tell anybody. You do that when your ready. But for the record your mother loves you she just wants you to be happy. If you would have told her you like guys she would have set you up her self with Mark." he looks down at me and smiles

"You think?"

"Yeah, because after me his her favorite. Trust me but you do it at your own time and don't worry about me."

"Thank you. And for the record Bella, if I were in to woman you would be the one I would marry." He says as he backs up out of my class. I just give him a smile.

Great a gay guy would marry me but I cant find a straight guy to date at all. I ended up going to the bar and meeting up with the Leah and Jake. Leah, just laughed at me and the shitty luck I have with guys. I told them about Aro knowing I could trust Jake and Leah would keep their mouths closed. Leah lets me know that she will find the perfect guy for me even if she has to go out of state to find him.

"Bells, look there is no good enough guys here for you. I'm the only one too bad your to close to being blood related that I cant go there with you but if I would just meet you I would be all over that body of yours." Jake says. Officially killing the buzz I had going. Eww the thought of that …just not natural.

"Thanks Jake I feel much better knowing that the gay guy who likes dick and my best guy friend who only sees me as family would be with me in an alternative universe. Girls self esteem just picks right up."

"Well we could sit here and dwell, but I actually have some good info to tell you?" Leah says as she takes a drink from her beer.

"Oh, yeah what could that be."

"Your Dad is banging my mom."

Wait did she just say what I think she said?

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah I went over my moms early in the morning to get some stuff I have over there when I saw your dad doing the walk of shame. When I first saw the cruiser on the drive way I thought something happened but when he walked out he was just wearing a white undershirt and his uniform shirt was on his hand."

Well, I didn't see that one coming.

"Anyway, when he notices me I tell him good morning and just walk in to find my mom in some baby doll get up…oh man. Thank god I didn't go last night like I was planning to. That would have been awkward."

"Wow" is all I'm able to say. Because picturing my dad doing the walk of shame and getting caught is unbelievable.

"So, yeah…like I said your dad is doing the nasty with my mom. FYI she looked satisfied."

"you asked her?" I said

"Yeah why not, hey I need to know if his handling his business with her. And the way she was walking, oh, yeah they went at it all night or maybe they had a quickie before he left."

"Leah, please stop I don't need to know" what is it going to take to make the images stop.

"Another drink please." I say to Carlie the waitress that has not stopped flirting with Jake since we got here.

"Bella" Leah says putting an arm around me "If your dad and my mom decide to get hitched we could be sisters. And we will actually like each other"

"Hey your right. I'm sure our parents will appreciate that we are marring them off."

Jake decided to comment and say some not so decent jokes about our parents. Leah and my self don't take offense because well its Jake and he mean well.

**IC**

The next day in school Aro let me know that he told his mom that we decide to just be friends. Blaming it on the age difference, it sounded good and I went with it. We both assured her that we care about each other just as friends but were are in different phases of our lives.

Leah called me letting me know if I wanted to go on a double date with her. She was seeing this guy named Tim and had a friend named Taylor that was "hot and funny." So, two nights later we are driving to Seattle to go check out a gig where their friends are playing. Taylor the flirt was just that a flirt. He flirted with me, the waitress, the girl standing in line behind him, the girl standing inline in front of us. And the girl who spilled her drink on him by accident. He disappeared with her for one hour. Leah was apologizing the whole time and letting Tim know that his friend was a piece of shit. Told her to not worry about it. He was not my type and to just enjoy the show.

The next day Leah calls me and tells me she's trying to make up the joke of a date she took me the night before and that Tim has another friend she wants me to meet. Relentless she was when I try to assure her that it was ok and that I did feel like going out with someone else so soon. "Bella come on if Mike doesn't do it for you then I will leave you alone pleaaaase, who's your favorite sister?" She went there. So, I gave in and met up with them at the bowling alley. Spotting them right away I go to them.

"Bella! Good you're here I want you to meet Mike, Mike Bella" She introduces us while his back is to me because his picking out the blue bowling ball. As soon as he turns around I realize this is Mike Newton. Kicking my self in the ass, for not asking the last name. it's a small town . Should have asked damn it.

"Oh, Hey Bella" he says while waving his free hand at me.

"Hey Mike …what a small world." I say with a smile on my face.

"You know each other." Leah, asks while looking in between us.

At the same time we let her know that we went to high school together. He also informs her that he asked me out five time and I dejected him all five times. He must of known that it was me. There is only one Bella in this town. We bowled, we ate, we drank a little and then I hear a booming voice traveling from the other end of the place I notice Emmett and Edward standing there while Rose and Tanya high five and hug each other while jumping up and down.

Leah, comes over to me and whispers in my ear "Is that your girl Rose with the enemy?" This one is another Alice. I simply let her know that they are friends. "ok, but that's weird didn't you say that rose has been all full on bitch with you lately. When she decides to actually communicate with you?" I shrug my shoulders and say I don't know. Not, going to lie. Looking at them made me sad. It feels everything I love she eventually gets. Now, its not longer about the guy its my best friend.

Telling Leah and Mike while Tim is in the restroom that something I ate didn't sit well and I have to leave. Feeling bad for ditching Mike on the date, I let him know that I just don't see him as anything but a friend and it was nice seeing him again. He walks me out to my car and stands there while I drive away.

**IC**

In a funk for the rest of the week.

Just like the weather.

Its cold out side and inside as well. Rosalie, keeps giving me short answers and making l I try to ignore most of it. The moments that we are together I try to ask her but it just becomes me being told that I'm acting like a child and I need to grow up.

"Seriously, Bella I don't know what you want me to tell you. We are just in different points of our lives. I have a steady relationship a career that takes up more than just eight hours of my time. I don't have time to baby you and reassure you that there is nothing wrong. I'm sorry you feel that there is something but we just lead two different lives I don't sit around and grade papers for a bunch of brats I'm out there learning how to become a good lawyer."

"I understand that my career is less stressful than yours, but it doesn't give you the right to treat me like I'm not here."

"See, sometimes I wish you could be like Tanya…" When she said that I went blank word's were coming out of her mouth but I zoned out. She knew I hated comparisons especially with her. This is my mother all over again.

"God Bella just …ahh..I was thinking about it and I think its best if we don't live together anymore." She said it like I was just some random person not her best friend.

"Is that what you want?" I said the words low I don't want my voice to crack. I can feel the tears rising and I feel my heart breaking for the second time in my life time.

"Yes, I think it would be best." She's cold about it she sounds indifferent "Since, the lease is well..under my name I think it would be easier if you move out. " Just like that she kicked me out.

"Right" trying to move my eyes so I don't focus on her perfect made up face with eye shadows, blush and lipstick. "When do you want me out." I hear my self I sound like a robot. I decide to focus on the picture right behind her of us hugging on my graduation day.

"I do realize that this is sudden and Thanksgiving giving is coming up…Umm well you need to find were to go." Cold.

"Right" that's all I manage to say. It takes me a few minutes I can feel her looking at me. "I can leave as soon as possible. Charlie …he wont mind me moving back in."

"Ok. Well now that that is settled. I have to get going." she says while grabbing her coat. "So, do you think you will start moving this weekend."

Who is this person.

"I have a date on Friday, but I guess I can start packing up Saturday."

"Another date? Well good luck with that. I really have to go. I'm glad we got that out of the way . "

We did get it out of the way. I had many questions but I found them useless to ask. I know Rosalie and when she decides something that's it. She decided that I no longer fit in there life. Just like Edward did in high school. What is it about me that make people leave.

So hear I am now waiting for this guy to show up but his over an hour late. Sam keeps asking me if there is anything else he could get me but I tell him no. I think that I officially have been stood up. Usually I get a date that decides afterwards that im not worth it. This one decided before even meeting me. Yeah. I'm not going on anymore dates. I'm done for a long while. "Thanks Sam, I'm going to head out" I get up from the stool and grab the sweater and my umbrella its pouring outside.

Before I walk out the empty bar Sam call to me. "Hey, Bella guy doesn't know what he missed out on." Gives me a big grin and a wink

"Yeah, I know right." I try to sound not faced but as soon as I walk out of the bar all the emotion I been holding in from this week comes out pouring out of me just . Running to my truck I open it and jump in. I cant drive, I cant see with tear filled eyes I just sit there and I cry.

**A/N:**

**For those reading thank you. I especially want to thank Mercyrus and Smurfiest for your kind words. Also to 'star for your comment.**

**If you like it good if you don't then don't read it. Simple as that.**

.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 8: " It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. it's that some people are ready to change and others are not."- James Gordon, M.D.

"Bella..oh Bella wake up" I hear voice whispering near my right ear. I start swatting it away. I just want to sleep.

"Bella, wake up. Guess what I got you ? The male voice said. At this point I'm still more asleep then awake and I 'm unable to distinguish who this asshole is trying to wake me up.

"Mmm" I hum since the thought of actually using my voice is not appealing.

"Come on open your eyes. You will love me more than you all ready do." The voice got a little more louder and now I start to turn around and at least face the direction of the asshole who is trying to wake me up.

"Who ever it is" ouch, throat hurts bad. I try to clear it. " Better be bearing some good shit for this wake up call." My voice sounds like I went out and had a yelling match.

"Well, it's a fact that what I have for you will make that nasty sounding throat make you feel better." The voice now starts nudging me to wake up." I got you some blue berry muffins from Maria's Café. Fresh out the oven, here smell. The voice said. Now he's has my attention. I try to pry open my eyes but the light that is coming through the only part of the window that did not get covered by the curtain and its shining directly in my face.

"Oh, and not only did I get you some freshly baked goods, there is also caffeine waiting for you freshly brewed." The voice was right, they are my favorite person.

Once the mention of caffeine I start to put the voice to the thoughtfulness. There is only one guy in my life that would come here with my favorite muffin. I start to think why is he here?

That's right for the briefest moments, I forgot that the reason Jake is here is to get me the hell out of here as soon as possible.

After I cried in my truck last night after being stood up, I called him and explained to him in between sobs what had happened with Rosalie. I didn't care for the guy that didn't show up. At this point I couldn't even remember who had set that fiasco up. Jake offered to pick me up right then and there. I let him know that it was not necessary. I just made him promise to get here early and to use the spear key that he had to get in if I wasn't up.

With my eyes wide open now and adjusted to the light, I see his big old smile and his holding out the bag to me. I sit up and lean against the head board. " Move over" he says. Jake sits next to me mimicking my body and handing me the Styrofoam cup. "Here black with two spoons of sugar just how you like it." He puts the unopened bag in-between us and unfolds the ends. The smell of the freshly baked muffins fills the air and it makes me happy for that moment.

Jake hands me the muffin and I really want to get up and wash my teeth. As I'm getting up he grabs my hand "That could wait eat, drink and we can talk while we have breakfast, ok." I just nod and I start picking at the muffin and eating the peaces. I guess I was still half asleep because we just sit there and eat. Once we are done eating he holds my hand.

"Now, I know you told me what happened last night. I don't want you to think about it right now because I hate seeing you sad. And yesterday when you called me crying honestly I wanted to find that blond bitch and fucken tell her ass to go straight to hell." I could hear his anger. He was keeping his voice down. "But because you asked I respected and against my impulse I stayed away, but if I see her stupid ass face today I will say something Bella. Who the fuck does she think she is." We hear a door open and close. "Fuck her." That last part was a little louder, I'm assuming for her benefit.

"Jake." I say in a low voice. "Look I don't think telling her something is going to make a difference you know how she is. But most of all I don't need you fighting my battles. She already expressed how weak she thinks I am and I don't want to prove her right. I just want you to help me pack and get all my stuff out of here today. I don't think I want to make this a long and drawn out situation ok."

"Fine, but I hope you let her know what a total inconsiderate bitch she's being."

"Look, as much as I want to sit with her and have this 'what the fuck is your problem' conversation I just don't have the energy for it. Obviously she thinks I'm not worth being friends with or whatever. I…I just don't care anymore." I can feel the tears rising again and my eyes all ready feel like two huge fifty pound balls are in my eye socket.

Jake grabs my chin so I can face him. I close my eyes I don't want him to see the tears that are treating to come out. "Look at me. Listen carefully. Ok." I open my eyes and I have never seen him so serious before.

"You," He points at me just to make sure I get that he is in fact talking about me. "Isabella Swan are worth more then ten Rosalie's, twenty Tanya's and one hundred Edwards put together. Anybody, and I mean anybody that makes you feel inferior to them is the worth less one." I can feel the first tear slide down my cheek before he swipes it away.

"Jake-" He cuts me off

"No, let me finish. I need you to realize and see your self how the people that matter look at you. YOU are worth getting up early on a Saturday morning and packing up your stuff. YOU are worth the phone call at eleven at night, YOU are worth the good friendships, YOU are worth being respected, YOU are worth being loved. And for whatever reason shit happens to you; its ok because YOU Isabella are worth everything. If there are assholes out their that don't see it that is their loss because I know that the only reason I am worth it is because you are my friend." Tears are falling and I just feel the warmth of him around me.

"That's it ok. No more crying. I am here to help so, get your cute butt up and lets get you the fuck out of here." With those words I was up and wiping my tears away and started to focus on getting my luggage out my closet.

I could just hear the doors open and close. When suddenly there was a knock. I looked at Jake pointedly communicating that I did not want to hear a peep out of him. He just mouthed _fine_ to me and continued taking my close out the hangers. I open the door and Rosalie was standing their with a duffle bag in toe.

"I'll be gone for a few days." She said as she looked passed me and eyed the state of the room. "So, if your done before I'm back just slide the keys under the door." When she said keys she was directly looking at Jake because she knew he had the spear and that's how he got in this morning.

"No, problem." She turns around and is walking out the door. There was so much I wanted to say. Words like why and how came to mind and questions as to what but all was lodged in my throat. I just stood their as she literally walked out of my life.

My mind was just going through this last few years and our friendship. There was never a problem. I think the gravity of the biggest fight we had was who would do laundry first. It just didn't make any sense.

Around noon I decided to call my dad. I knew that he would not object to me moving back in. He would always remind me that the reason he never changed my room to something else is because it was my room and it was always going to be there. Charlie doesn't ask what happened. He just lets me know that he will be getting pizza for dinner and that was that.

**IC**

Thank god I don't like shopping. Me and Jake were able to pack all my clothes in less then two hours. He decided that it would be best to get my bed out first. I let him know that it was Rosalie's and that I still had my twin size bed at my dads. The only big furniture that I had there was my desk and a chest.

We were able to get the desk out with out calling anybody else. It only took two trips just because the desk and the chest took most of the room in my truck. Once we had loaded and unloaded at Charlie's it was getting dark but I really just wanted to go back and clean up the room. I didn't need a Rosalie talking more nonsense because I left leaving a big mess behind. Jake kept telling me to leave everything as is and actually break in her room and 'throw all her shit around, bitch deserves it.' What she never did in two years of living together was lock her room.

I wanted to return some things that I found of hers in my room but my surprise was to find the door locked. It didn't surprise me at this point. The things that she has been saying and doing are unexplainable to me but I will not sit here and try to figure her out anymore.

She wanted this. So, I'm done.

Maybe one day she will decide to tell me what the hell happened from what feels like one day to the other but right now I think I don't care. Because through out the day the more I would think about everything the more angry I got.

At this point I rather have anger then hurt. It helps to deal.

Its close to midnight when I feel that everything looks good in that room. I had sent Jake off with the last box I had in the living room with my books. I start turning off the lights and walking out. When I noticed the lonely nails scattered through out the wall where our pictures use to be. With me being in and out all day I didn't notice it before. She must of done it this morning before she knocked at my door.

I take a deep breath because I am feeling over whelmed. Standing alone in the middle of the living room just taking one more look around but everything that was an us was removed. She couldn't even wait until I was out. It was like rubbing salt on the wound. I walk over to the counter and put the two apartment keys down and the mail key.

I will still need to come here every other day to pick up mail. Great.

As I go to turn off the kitchen light I notice the trash can was full.

The answer to what she did to the pictures was answered. Just like the friendship they were in the trash.

**IC**

That weekend I moved out was right before Thanksgiving. We actually spent it at Sue's, Charlie's girlfriends house. It was the first time I had seen Leah and Jake had informed her about what was going on with my situation with Rosalie. Leah is a good friend she went on about what she wanted to do to her. I told them that they needed to let it go because that's what I was intending to do.

"How are you just going to let her treat you like that. You should have a last say. A closure if you will and tell her where to stick it." Leah really wanted me to have a last word.

I just was done dealing with it. I was thankful that the Cullen's where in New York for Thanks giving. They had left that day I moved out. That's were Rosalie's 'few days gone' was all about.

Alice had text me and informed me that she was in hell. By the text we exchanged that week she had no clue what happened. I was not going to tell her. She probably try and rip Rosalie's hair out. I could not do that to Esme and Carlisle.

The first Monday back I was determined to focus just on my work. There was just a few weeks until winter break. Right after we return from that it's the end of the semester. I had to plan out finals and such for the end of January.

I opted to skip Lunch with Aro and Mark to finish up some of the lesson plans for the second semester when the door just slams open. I look up with my hand over my heart because I jumped when I heard the slam.

I see Alice. Alice does not look happy.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She's looking at me with hurt in her eyes.

I could play dumb, like I usually do with her. And ask what are you talking about? But I wont treat her like a child. She has proven to me that even at her young age she is more of a friend then certain people my age.

"Alice" I say with a sigh. "I didn't want you to get your self involved in it."

"Well, it so happens Bella that I am involved because I consider both of you like my sisters and that bitch…ahh. She has gone to the dark side. She no longer is my sister, I don't know what really happened. I do know the shit she's saying happened is that just shit."

"What is she saying happened?" I never really thought about the story she was going to say regarding me leaving.

"That you wanted to leave because you couldn't handle the fact that she is in a 'good place in her life and you are not'." she uses are quotes to emphasis her words.

What the fuck is she on, seriously I don't even know this person.

"That has to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard. People are actually buy this crap?"

"Well Em, questioned it because well anybody with half a brain and has met you knows that you are not the type a person to do or say anything remotely like that. But because Rosalie sucks his dick apparently he believes it now."

"Is this what she's telling everybody?…I mean how did you find out?"

"I don't know if that's what she's telling everybody but that's what I heard her tell my parents and my brothers on Saturday night when we got back from the airport."

"Why do you say she told your parents and your brothers. Were you not there?"

"No, the whole week was weird Rosalie and Tanya were like attached at the hip. It was truly disgusting. I tried pulling her aside and find out what her deal was but she kept avoiding me. I let it go , that's why I was telling you I was in hell.

Anyway, after we got back from the airport on Saturday they all went to the living room to have some drinks or whatever. I stayed in the kitchen fixing my self something to eat while I called Jasper and see if he could come over for a bit. He was not feeling well and I hung up with him. I was going to go up to my room, when I hear your name and ungrateful in the same sentence. That caught my attention. So I sat in the stairs listening to the bull that was coming out of her mouth." Alice was talking quickly. I'm trying to keep up She does that when she is really upset.

"Oh, no but if you think that's it Tanya would put in two of her stupid cents in there. Like you never want to show appreciation for what people try to do for you. I stopped listening because I felt like going in there and telling both those dumb blonds to fuck off."

I don't know what to think. I'm trying to process everything Alice is saying. I know she's leaving things out. I'm assuming not to upset me any further. But I don't get it. What the hell were they talking about.

"Please tell me you didn't do anything Alice?" I really hope she kept quiet and just walked away. With Alice I never know.

"It took every cell in my body not to storm in there and call them out. But I held back, I didn't think that an outburst would help at that moment. Plus seeing how they are working here. They will just try and convince them that you are a bad influence or something."

"Alice …do you truly believe that they would go there."

"Bella, really? Are you serious? I don't even know what happened yet and I know they are spitting lies like crazy. So, do I believe they want you to look bad. Yes."

"Did your parents say anything?"

"No, you know my mom she would just listen and not really give an opinion one way or another. But I don't think she bought it. And my dad probably sees this as gossip and doesn't care."

I hope that Alice is right and that Esme and Carlisle don't decide to hate me as well.

I only had five minutes left before lunch was done. I had to give Alice the cliff notes version of my week. I asked her not to get involved even if she heard anymore things being said about me I didn't want her in it. I could see it would be difficult but she didn't want to make things even worse so she promised to keep out unless those "heinous bitches decide to go to far."

Not sure what too far would be in Alice's standards but I hoped that this thing happening would not get anymore out of hand that its currently in.

Should have known better. wasn't really surprised when all hell broke lose at Renee's house three weeks later.

**A/N:**

**Last chapter was the most reviewed chapter I have had. Some of you cried I cried writing it. I'm glad I was able to convey what I was trying to say. Rosalie's change has been part of the story all along and like I said its all outlined. I just want to let all of you know not to worry I will make Bella just like me and forgiveness comes few and far between if at all. Next chapter the shit is going to hit …well everywhere.**

**One last thing. When I was planning out this story I had this idea that I would do the first 9 to 10 chapters in BPOV and switch to EPOV for at least 5 chapters and end the story back with BPOV. Now I don't know how I feel about it. Once you start writing it kind of takes a mind of its own. I just want to ask would you be interested in EPOV or just keep it BPOV? Let me know what you think.**

**Sorry for any mistakes its 2 am.**

**Thank you for reading. Review if you must.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 9: "There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did and who always will."-Anonymous

Part 1

Looking down at my hands and unable to keep them from shaking. Everything that just happened was unbelievable. I don't know a million things are still swimming around in my head. My jaw hurts from clenching down all the vile that I had to hear but this time I let them have it equally.

It seems that everything leading up to it was in slow motion and suddenly all was too fast. The day started as any other winter day here in forks. Snow covered lawns, People getting up half an hour before the usual to make sure they are able to leave to their destination for the day. The roads where slippery but drivable and with Christmas next week the excitement of the student body that after today they were off for a few weeks.

Class went as planned all assignments where turned in. I saw that as a Christmas miracle all on its own. Some students even gave me some Christmas cards or some chocolate 'for being the best teacher'. Their words not mine. All in all I found this Friday to be good.

I had talked to my mother a total of three times in the last month. She tried to question the Rosalie situation but I could tell she didn't want to rock the boat with me regarding it. For a mother that worries more about what the hell is going on in the gossip mill, she knew when not to push with me. I was able to avoid actually meeting up with her, but she didn't insist either.

Renee called me when I was on my free period to ask me to go over her house to pick up my Christmas gift because Her and Phil where taking a cruise to Alaska for two weeks.

"Isabella, what time do you think you can stop by and pick up your gift?"

"I guess I can try and swing by before I meet up with Jake for dinner around six."

"Is there any way you can make that four? We have a dinner planned with the Cullen's tonight and six is cutting it close to me setting up everything."

Yes because me being there less then five minutes is going to interfere with the dinner.

"Mother, its going to be less then five minutes for me to park there and get out and pick up your present. Really? You want me to be there two hours before?"

"Fine, but just so you know Rosalie is going to be here around that time to help me set up while Tanya gets ready. And since I know you and Rose have had a falling out I just didn't want unnecessary tension brought in to my house."

Since when? There is always tension at that house when I'm there all the judging she does and shit talking. This woman is unreal.

"So, what do you think is going to happen _mom? _That I'm going to start something with Rose just because she's there. I'm an adult not some uncontrollable child." The tone of voice is letting her know that annoyance is fully present at this time and its because of her.

"I didn't say that Isabella." she says. Now she's annoyed with me. "Its just a vary special day for your sister. Edward is coming and formally asking for her hand in Marriage." You could here the smile across her face. I could here my heart stop.

Breath.

I had to remind my self. It was as if time stood.

Breath in

Breath out

"Isabella? Are you still there?"

"Yeah." Was all I was able to say.

I always wondered where I would be when I got the news of their impending wedding. I was not living in fantasy land, the next big step for them after being together for six years would be marriage. I just factored in that I no longer would be here and possible married my self.

I don't even know what my mother was still going on about. I just cut her off mid sentence and told her I had to go.

I sat there.

There was an assembly for the last period that I had to take the students to. I didn't feel like sitting through the choir singing cheery Christmas Carols. I called Aro to come to my class and asked if he could walk my class to the auditorium since this was his free period. He asked me if I needed anything because I was looking pale and "about to vomit" I think that's what he said regarding the expression on my face. I let him know that in fact I was feeling under the weather and I just needed to sit and get some air. No, more questions after that. Once my class piled in I took roll and wished them a Marry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope sincerity came across at this point.

I was on auto pilot.

Once they were out the class I closed the door and went back to sit behind my desk. I started to think if Alice knew. She would have told me. Right? Maybe, knowing that this would hurt she didn't say anything. Maybe, she doesn't know and is going to be blind sided as well. I have to talk to her. I send her a text message.

**Alice. Come to my class room I need to talk to you.-Bella**

**I was wondering where you were at. Can I bring Jasper?-Alice**

**That's fine I need to talk to you about something important. Just find Mr. Cope and let him know I need to talk with you and Jasper.-Bella**

**K see you in a few-Alice**

My head is down on the desk when I hear the door open. I slowly lift up and see Alice with a black shirt that reads BLOND BIMBOS SUCK. Usually I will let her know that she should not be wearing anything that might offend someone, but at this moment I cant bring my self to care because the truth of the matter is I agree with the statement.

"Alice, been making your own shirts again?" I ask.

"Yup, cool huh." she replies. I just shake my head at her and give her a chuckle. Its funny and I will take the little I can get. "You like it? Cause if you do I can make you one and we could start a new trend."

"Yeah, I don't think that's a great idea for me to do but please try not to wear it again here. Any other faculty member would give you detention for it even if it is the last day before your break."

Typical Alice just shrugs her shoulders and mumbles whatever to me. I sit up straight and I notice her boyfriend Jasper still standing in between the door way with those big head phones that cover your whole ear. Telling her to close the door she grabs Jaspers arm and removes one of the ear peace and tells him to go sit in the back. I can hear the drum's and screeches of whatever music he is listening to.

"I kind of got the feeling that you wanted some type of privacy with the conversation but I couldn't leave him alone listening to how snow falls and big fat guy is coming to town or whatever. So , I told him to find the loudest music and listen to it." She says while dragging the chair I have by the door and setting it right next to my desk and flopping down on it. "So, what's up Miss. Swan? Its got to be something good if your letting me miss that joke of an assembly. You never get me out of anything. I should seriously reconsider the friendship. What good is it when one of the teachers is your best friend and they don't hook you up?"

Trying to work in my head how to start this conversation. I think my face is letting her know the feelings I'm having at this moment. She reaches out to my hands that are folded but I'm squeezing them so hard that my knuckles are white. "What's wrong ? You look like …well, shit if I'm being honest."

"Alice, I talked to my mom today and she was informing me that your family is having dinner over at her house today." When I tell her there is no sign of panic or anything giving a hint that she knows what the dinner is about.

"Oh, yeah I mean ..I just found out about it this morning. I guess since your mom is going in that that cruise, and is leaving tomorrow afternoon" I realize that she does not know.

I don't know what to do? Alice, could surprise me and not act out when she realizes what the celebration is actually about. Assuming that she thinks this dinner is about Christmas. Or she could send Edward and Tanya to hell on the dinner table. You never know and the way she has been feeling towards Rosalie and Tanya, I would not put it past her.

I want to tell her so she at least has the heads up and can control the emotion. "You think since the woman gave birth to you, you would be invited. But since you just said you found out that just tells me its going to be oh so much fun with the dumb blonds." She said in mock enthusiasm.

"By the way if you think this shirt is funny you should see the one I decided to wear tonight." I'm afraid to ask or know. "I made it the same day as this one" she says by stretching the shirt so the words can be read clearer.

"Alice" I say warningly " Please don't do anything that can get you in trouble with your parents or your brothers."

"Bella don't worry. I would have to care what those two idiots think, for me to worry about them getting mad. And my parents, well you know how they are they encourage us kids to be outspoken." There is the problem she speaks her mind way too much and gets her self in deep shit all the time.

"Oh, and by the way I made you one too for Christmas so, I know I just spoiled it but I have to tell you what the shirt says."

"Alice, please remember that your going to a dinner to someone else's house and your parents will need you to be respectful."

"The shirt will not be offensive to your mother or even your step dad so don't worry abut it. Plus I doubt they will pay attention to me."

"So, what does the shirt say?" Does not matter what I tell her she will wear and do what she wants.

"It just says All blond bimbos please shoot your self's." Yeah. that's not going to go over well. At all and the fact that there going to be celebrating an engagement.

I have to tell her.

"Alice, I'm getting the impression that you don't know what exactly is going to happen today at that dinner."

She tilts her head and gives me a confused look. "What do you mean? It's dinner we sit, we eat, and we make small talk with some of the dumbest people I have ever been around. Its going to be hell unless you decide to crash it." She says sending me an evil grin.

I take a deep breath.

She finally seems to be catching on that something is up.

"Yeah, I don't think I want to be there at all actually. I'm stopping by early to exchange gifts with Renee but I don't want to bump into anybody."

"Why? What's going on?" Suddenly I can see the moment she's gazing off and doing that creepy thing she does. "OH. MY. GOD." before she starts going off I tell her to keep calm.

"What did your mom tell you?"

"That." I sigh "That its an important day for Tanya, because…because Edward is officially asking for her hand in marriage." Saying this out loud makes my skin crawl.

She's taking deep breaths with her eyes shut. She does this for what seems for ever. Finally she opens them and I see disappointment.

"Ali, I just want you to not go there blind sided. Knowing how you feel towards Tanya and the fact that Rosalie will be there as well I just wanted to warn you."

I don't know if she's even paying attention to what I'm saying.

"I cant believe he decide to go through with it. I mean when he mentioned it when they got back I thought that he would forget about the dumb ass idea. God! What a moron what are we going to do?" She finally looks into my eyes.

She's seriously asking me.

"Ali, there is nothing to do. That's who he loves that's who he has chosen you cant hold it against him."

"Yes, I can. And I will. Him and Emmett are just the stupidest people ever."

I make Alice promise me that she will not say anything during the proposal or the asking of hand or whatever. I don't know if she will follow through but I hope she does.

School ends and I'm ready to just get this day over with. It no longer feels like its going to be a good Christmas.

** IC**

The roads are still a bit slippery but there was a good hour of the sun shinning through some clouds when I walked out to the parking lot. I decided to go directly to my mothers .I don't want to be there right before anybody gets there and its like three hours prior so she should be the only one home.

Only about three blocks to her street my truck starts acting up. It starts to slow down I turn down the first street to my right and park. I check the gage for the gas, and half a tank is full. Great just what I needed today. Not surprised, really not. I decide to call my dad at and ask him if he could pick me up from Renee's house since the station is only like ten minutes away. He lets me know that he just has some paper work that needs to be signed off and some meeting that he assures me will only take him twenty.

Telling him not to worry. I still have to walk the rest of the way to her house anyway. That will kill sometime. Getting my coat on and changing the heels for my boots that I carry around for apparently situations like this. I thank god that its not snowing or raining. I still put the hood on because the wind chill is freezing. It takes me few minutes to walk the three blocks. I don't see a car parked outside. Great, she wont be home. Remembering that she keeps a spear key in the forth plant from the front door I decide to go in and drop off the envelope that contains their present.

I have given up on getting that woman anything. Previous years I have spent months trying to find her the perfect thing. But I never ever see it after I give it to her. The last couple of years I opted to just go with gift cards. Impersonal, maybe but oh well.

Reaching the house I knock, but as I suspected there is no answer. I get the key and walk in. I look around to see if I find whatever she is going to give to me. But I don't really see anything set aside. I walk into the living room and see the tree and few presents already under it. I start looking around but I don't feel like going on a search for the damn thing. She can give it to me when she comes back.

I will leave her the envelope that is addressed to both of them. On top of the mantel. Looking around for a note pad and pen so, I can leave her a note letting her know I was here. I could call her but don't feel like talking to her. I would text her but she will rush back here or something and I don't want to deal with her.

I don't see anything in the living room or the dinning area. I start walking towards the hallway to Phil's office and I'm sure he will have something there. As suspected office has note pad and pen. I'm writing the note as fast as possible when I hear the front door open and two blonds laughing.

Great.

Fuck.

Shit.

I hear them head to the living room. I thing that if I could get from here to the kitchen with out being seen I could just go out the back door. Sounds like they brought more presents I hear paper crinkling and bags being shuffled. I'm guessing they are placing them under the tree. I start to slowly walk out of the office.

I feel like a robber. One foot in front of the other. I step on to a board that makes a creak sound. I stop and cringe. _Shit_.

There still talking about this or that I 'm not paying much attention. I just want to get the hell out of there. When I suddenly hear my name.

I stop. I should keep going but I don't move.

I 'm breathing slowly. Because obviously if I breath normally they can hear me or maybe I wont be able to hear them.

"Renee, called me and told me that Isabella is stopping by at five. But promised me that she was just going to be in and out." Tanya sounds like my name gives her bad breath.

"I don't want that bitch to be here ruining my day. Her presents alone bothers me."

"Knowing Bella she will just be here for five minutes if that. She cant stand Renee." Rosalie says.

"I don't know how you never saw through her. She's so fake, I was always surprised the way she got away with her little innocent act she puts on. Its so disgusting." Tanya states.

Really this bitch does not know me. What the fuck is she talking about.

"I don't know, I mean if you wouldn't have showed me the shit she wrote and send you I would have never believed it. I really cared about her but she is unbelievable, I m so ashamed to say we were friends."

What I wrote? What the fuck is she talking about.

"It was hard for me to read all those letters. I mean I always wanted to tell you but I was never really around. And why would you believe me, I can just imagine the things she probably said about me."

Rosalie doesn't say anything regarding that. I didn't like her and I hated the fact that my mom compared me but I wouldn't go out of my way to talk shit about her.

"I just cant believe the game she was playing this whole time. I cant believe she wrote to you about trying to what get Em. I mean what the fuck. I trusted her."

_WHAT! _

Get Emmett what? She cant seriously be insinuating what I think she is.

"Yeah, the fact that she was determined to get him. But Emmett is too good of a guy to ever notice or if he did he never told you. But I'm glad you just decide to kick her out and we should just put the whole situation behind us. I'm glad you didn't make this a big deal nobody needs to know. Even if she is a wannabe home wrecker." Tanya says reassuring Rosalie.

I don't know what happened. One moment I'm in the hallway trying to leave unnoticed and next thing I'm storming in to the living room. Their faces say everything. Me standing there in front of them was not expected.

"What the fuck are you two talking about?" I really don't expect an answer. "Are you fucken demented?" I point at Tanya. Again I don't expect her to answer.

"What are you doing here?" Rosalie asks

"Well the fact that this is _MY MOTHERS _house. That question is stupid." Maybe Alice is right about the blond thing. "But that's not here nor there at the moment. Did I hear you two correctly when you just said that I was trying to take Emmett from you? Because if that's what you said your dumber than I thought."

"Oh, you want to go there. _Bel-la" _Rose says.

"Yeah actually I do want to go there. Because the shit you to were saying is fucken laughable. When exactly was I trying to "seduce" Emmett when you were in the room or when Alice was there?"

"Bella, if you don't want the rest of this town to hate you as much as I do we drop this conversation. I'm not going to get into it with you on Tanya's big day."

"OH, how considerate of you. Really the fact that this bitch is feeding you a bunch of bull shit, I'm glad that your trying to give her the perfect day. But tell me something? While you went off believing this load of shit from someone you really don't know but a few months and don't have the decency to ask your "friend" of years. Of Years Rosalie?"

She wanted to say something. But they are the ones that have been talking all this time. Its my turn to speak.

"Who, would have thought Rosalie Hale was going to have someone brain wash her. Wow, I never thought I would see the day. Towards the end of our friendship you would tell _me_, that I was weak and insecure. But who do you think looks like the weak and insecure one?"

Tanya finally decides to say something. But I don't think she realizes that I am not standing by anymore.

:"Bella, I really don't want you to come here and spill your hate on my day. Why do you always have to ruin everything for me?" her cool exterior no longer in place. I see her losing her temper.

I push.

"What the fuck are you talking about. Ruin? Ruin what? Out of the two of us you are the one that has managed to take my mom and my best friend. So , if anybody has ruined anything here that would be you. " We are face to face. I don't back down.

"God, Isabella I didn't take anything. You just are this little nothing on peoples lives. Not my fault they want nothing to do with you."

"Right, because I put on this innocent act? Right that's what you said. Well it seems to me that you were describing you more than me. Because I still don't know what letters Rosalie was referring to. As far as I know I never wrote to you. EVER.. So, I ether have a double personality or your fucken lying."

I see it in her eyes. She's sacred now. Rosalie speaks.

"I saw them Bella its your writing your talking about how much you want Emmett and you would do anything to get him."

I start laughing. This is so ridiculous.

"Did you ever ask Emmett if I ever was inappropriate with him? Or you just went by these so called 'letter'. because before you start believing the first thing people that have no life start spreading you should really do your homework before you start accusing people of shit."

I didn't realize the voices had gotten loud. That I didn't hear the front door open. Suddenly I hear Emmett.

"What the fuck is going on Rose? I been standing here for a while and I cant believe the shit I been hearing." Emmett is serious. I have never seen him like this. He looks like he wants to hurt someone.

And right behind Emmett is Edward.

"Yeah, what the fuck is going on here Tanya?" Edward says.

**A/N:**

**Yeah. This is just getting started. I wanted it to be all in one chapter but Alice wouldn't let me. Part 2 I hope to have done by Thursday. But don't quote me on that. As always thanks for reading . Review if you must.**

**Oh and to all of you who reviewed last chapter thank you again.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 10: Part 2

I didn't realize the voices had gotten loud. That I didn't hear the front door open. Suddenly I hear Emmett.

"What the fuck is going on Rose? I been standing here for a while and I cant believe the shit I been hearing." Emmett is serious. I have never seen him like this. He looks like he wants to hurt someone.

And right behind Emmett is Edward.

"Yeah, what the fuck is going on here Tanya?" Edward said.

As soon as the voices became clear to me I take a step back from where I am standing. Looking between the two brothers I wonder if they heard everything or just some of it. By the looks on both Rosalie's and Tanya's face when both Emmett and Edward spoke was the look of shock and immediately Tanya looks like she's going to be sick.

Emmett steps more into the living room. Keeping a distance from Rose when he starts to speak. "So, I want explanations now." His tone is not that of the jovial one he always has. It's the don't beat around the bush. His face says it all he does not want bull shit, he wants the truth.

"Baby, Bella is just having a moment apparently." Rose says looking at me like she wants to kill me. "I think you should go Bella we could discuss this at a later time."

Before I tell Rose that I am not going anywhere without finishing what we started Emmett speaks up. "No, B is not going anywhere. I want explanations NOW!" His voice got loud and if he could, I think steam would be coming out of his ears.

"Really baby this could wait. We shouldn't ruin Edwards and Tanya's day." Rose says while walking towards Emmett.

Before she reached him he held his hand up and motioning her to stop. Without taking his eyes off her he asks Edward if he wanted to do this later. I didn't care what they wanted I was going to get everything out in the open. I didn't have to fight over it because Edward wanted the same thing.

"Em, is right I want to know what exactly is going on here. So, Tanya." he looks at her pointedly. "Talk. Now."

"Eddie, like Rose said Bella is hav-" I had to cut her off. If they leave it up to them this is never going to be explained.

"You, two as always are asking the wrong person. They don't want to tell you that I'm calling bull shit on the false acquisitions they been throwing at me." I could feel all eyes on me.

I don't care. I'm done being the one that doesn't speak up. I make a resolution in that living room at that moment. No, more weak Bella.

"Emmett, can you please tell your girlfriend if at any point or time I have ever insinuated anything other than friendship with you? Because Rose here is under the impression that I have been trying to fuck you for years."

Emmett looks a little shocked at the language but I'm to pissed off to care what words I use.

"Lets get one thing clear here." Emmett starts to say. "If Bella would have shown any type of interest towards me that were not of the sisterly kind I would have said something. The fact that you been lying to me Rosalie about why Bella left and why. I don't know what to say."

Rosalie wants to say something but is stopped once again by Emmett.

"In all the years that we have all known each other Bella has been another sister to me. Not once has she ever done anything that would suggest other wise. The fact that you kicked out your best friend for what other people are saying and not coming to me or her surprises me Rose. Out of all the people in this world you would be the last one I would think would be influenced by others."

The disappointment on his face is noticeable.

"Baby, its not like that Tanya showed me the let-" Emmett cuts her off again. Rose is in a verge of tears but this does nothing to Emmett's demeanor.

"I don't care what Tanya showed you or didn't show you the truth is you should have come to us. You have known Bella longer. You know the type of person she is. Just because this one over here tells you that pigs are flying your believing it come on common sense Rose. You should have gone to your 'best friend' and told her what this one has been saying."

I guess Tanya didn't appreciate Emmett referring to her as 'this one' because she decided to speak up.

"Eddie, are you going to let your brother talk about me like that?"

Suddenly all eyes are on the one person that has spoken the least.

He's looking at her, like his figuring something out.

"What letters is Rosalie talking about Tanya? Because as far as I know you and Bella don't keep any contact when your not here. Hell I barely see you two communicate when your in the same room." The look on her face is of disbelief that he is not defending her. He is questioning her.

At this point I want to sit back and watch her squirm.

"I…I never told you about them." She says in a low voice.

Is she seriously trying to lie with me standing here.

"Are you fucken crazy?" I ask.

"I have never written you anything. Hell I didn't even know were you where for a year. So, help me god Tanya I am up to my last shred of patience with this. Explain to them how exactly I ruin everything for you? How apparently I wanted to sleep with my best friends boyfriend? All this shit is so unbelievable stupid I cant believe I have to defend my self."

I start to lose it because I can hear my voice getting higher and higher. I turn to look at Edward and start wondering what she has told him about me. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she's the root of why we are no longer friends.

"What did she tell you six years ago? Because now things are starting to make sense on to why you changed with me."

His looking between both of us. I see his mind working, thinking, putting things together.

"She knew how I felt about you. But told me that you didn't feel the same way. She's the one that told me about you and Jake sleeping together. I…I was heart broken."

Did he just say that. This is not what I thought was going to come out of his mouth.

"So, like Rosalie you believed her instead of asking me? It hurt, Edward that one day you were one of my best friends and from one day to another it was gone. Funny history is repeating it self." I looked at Rose.

"Isabella, please stop denying it. You slept with Jake I saw you." The way she says it is so believable. She's good.

"Not, that this is anybodies business but my own but the fact that I'm still a virgin pretty much tells you that I have not been with anybody. That's including Jake."

"What?" Edward asks

"Yeah, Jake is like a brother just like Emmett I would never. And Rosalie knows this about me. I don't understand why your doing this?" I'm looking at Tanya.

"I'm just fucken tiered of you always being in the way. I wanted him." she points at Edward. "but he was in love with you. I could tell. I asked him he told me. But since I wanted him I let him know what a little slut you truly are."

"Slut? I'm not the one that fucked him in public? Hell I have never had sex. So the fact that your calling me a slut is ironic."

"Fuck you Isabella. I honestly don't see what anybody sees in you. Your little miss nothing. Your ugly. But the fact that you get these people under your spell is beyond me. But look." she glances at Edward and Rose. "your charm is not forever because I was easily able to persuade them to think what I wanted them to think. My biggest accomplishment is the fact that I even have your mom raped around my little finger."

That was the moment all her true colors showed.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!"

I jumped when Edward shouted.

"EVERY THING YOU HAVE EVER TOLD ME ABOUT HER IS A LIE? WHY? BECAUSE YOU WERE JELOUSE!"

Emmett puts his hand on Edwards shoulder and tells him to calm down. Edward starts breathing deeply.

" I did what I had to do to get you before you realized that she was in love with you. Hell, you can still see it in the way she looks at you its pathetic really."

"No, the pathetic one here is you Tanya. I don't care what happens with all of you. Marry each other be best friends for the rest of your lives. I just don't care. But just leave my name out of your fucken mouth."

"Nobody is marring anybody." Edward said.

When those words came out of his mouth, it felt like the world stood still.

"WHAT! You cant do this to me Eddie. We cant let this bitch ruin our day."

"The only one that ruined anything was you. I cant marry someone that has gone to this extreme to personally hurt someone. I don't know you. Your not the person I thought you were."

"Stop lying just say the truth. You still love her right? You think I don't see it. Every time we have sex you want it to be her. The time you cheated on me was with this bitch that resembled her. What? You think I didn't see it?"

"Tanya, I don't even want to respond to this. Your acting like some crazy person."

For the first time since I entered the room there was quiet. Suddenly Rosalie spoke.

"What about the letter?" Rosalie asks. I had to look at her and I didn't wait for Tanya to say anything.

"Well, Rosalie If you've been paying attention you will gather that I DID NOT WRITE ANY LETTER."

I was done. I didn't want to know anymore. I just wanted to leave. I start walking out of the living room but I actually have to pass next to Edward to get out. He grabs my wrist like the last times he has done.

"Bella we are not done here."

"Your not done here. I am. I said what I needed to say. I just wanted things to be cleared up about me. After that, this." I wave around "Is non of my business."

"Just fucken leave already." Tanya says while walking towards me tears sliding down her face. "Like always you have ruin my life" She launches at me.

I have never been an a physical fight. I just feel her push me and grab my hair. I start trying to push her off me but her grip is strong on my hair. I feel two arms wrap around me. I see other arms wrap around her and they start pulling us off to the opposite direction.

There are new voices asking questions and standing between both of us are My mom and Phil. When did they get here?

Focusing on the scene I see that Emmett is holding back Tanya. I turn my head to see who's holding me and its Edward.

" What the hell is going on here?" Charlie's voice comes through. His walking in the living room and taking in the scene. "Who started the altercation?" He ask.

"Tanya did sir." Emmett answers.

"Bella are you ok?" He is now standing in front of me inspecting me to see if there is anything serious. I just nod my head.

I'm glad he's here.

"Tanya attacked Bella." He states turning around facing Renee and Phil. "Bella are you going to press any charges for battery?"

"No, I just want to get out of here." I didn't want to give this situation anymore of my time. "I was just leaving when she came at me, but I just want to go."

Edward still has his arms wrapped around me. I start to wiggle my self out. I tell him that he could let go I'm not going to attack his precious girlfriend.

"As of right know I have no girlfriend."

"Well, whatever. I have to get out of here." I said. I started to feel all the emotions of this situation. I need to get out. As always my father knows and he puts his arm around my shoulders and start walking us out. I feel someone following us out.

"Isabella" Its my mothers voice.

Before she starts saying anything I speak up.

"Yeah, I know I only came to cause trouble. Spear me the lecture. Renee go back in there your daughter needs you. She just got dumped." I know that I sound like an insensitive bitch, but guess what I just don't care what happens with her.

"That's not what I wa-"

We stop walking and my dad turns to look at Renee. "Renee, not now." He simple said and that was enough for her to let us go without another word.

Soon as we step outside I welcome the chill of the snow. It feels good compared to the thick hot tension in that house. I start to shake and all the words said and not said are in my head. The cruiser is parked right in front of the house I practically ran to it.

Once Charlie is inside and driving away I break down. All the tears held were out. That whole episode was surreal. Charlie like always didn't push. He just let me be. We got home and told me to go up to my room and rest and he would bring me some hot tea to calm my nerves down.

My body went out once my head hit the pillow. I woke up hours later to a cold tea in my night stand. I see that my dad put my phone there as well but it was off. Better that way I was not in the mental state to answer any more question. I knew that soon as Alice got hold of what happened she would be calling me.

I spent the whole night running the whole event down. The things that where said didn't register at the time because of all the commotion. I was rerunning everything Tanya said about Edward being in love with me. His statement about how he felt and being heart broken when he believed I had something with Jake. I was more confused than ever.

It took me a while to get back to sleep. I think I ended up falling asleep right before dawn.

**IC**

The next day I got up almost at noon. I walked down to get some coffee. I was surprised to see my father sitting in the dining room table with a two cups off coffee ready. I guess he wanted to talk now.

"Good morning dad."

"Morin' Bells. I have your coffee ready nice and hot. I heard you in the bathroom so please sit and join me."

"Thanks." I sit down across from him wrap my hands around the warm mug. The smell of the caffeine makes me feel better.

He gets up and grabs a bag off the counter. I notice its from Maria's Bakery. I give him a big smile. He pulls out a blue berry muffin.

I love him.

"So…I never ask you or get involved unless you come to me. But the fact that I walk in on that girl attacking my baby I'm going to ask you to tell me what went on and why? And its ok if it takes all day. I took it off."

I clear my throat, its going to be a long afternoon.

" It's complicated"

"It's ok I think I can keep up."

**A/N:**

**I must tell you that these last two chapters I been very nervous about. I hope they came out ok. As always thank you for reading . Review if you must. So, you know they make me happy.**

**I been updating 2 chapters per week. I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep up with that. Life is going to get a lot more hectic for me by next week but I will keep up at least once a week. That I promise. So, if I follow my out line 10 more chapters to go. Again that could change.**

**I already have another story in my head. Completely different. What I mean its of the Slash verity. Will be Edward and Emmett. don't know why but I like them together. That one will be third person. I will post the first chapter before this story ends. So it's a little while for me to get that one all figured out. **

**Sorry for any mistakes.**


	12. Chapter 12

**I ALWAYS FORGET DISCLAIMER: DIDN'T DREAM IT DONT OWN IT.**

Chapter 11: "Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it."-Oprah Winfrey

"Come on Bella hurry up!"

_Pant_ "I'm going." _pant_ "remem-" _pant_ "ber, this is only." _pant _"my first" _pant_ "time running.". I say while my legs feel like they are about to give up.

"Oh, come on stop being such a baby about it." Says Leah the physical trainer..

Leah, convinced me to start running. I think it would be a good idea as well.

Maybe not so much anymore.

After explaining to my dad the whole ordeal from start to finish I had to stop him from trying to go over Renee's house and give her a few choice words. He question the fact that I never told him about how my mom would make me feel. He was pissed to say the least. Talking about "nobody makes my daughter feel less then". He loves me its as simple as that.

I didn't turn my phone on that whole day. My dad got Jake to pick up my truck and tow it to the shop to see what's wrong with it. The house phone rang but I would just let the machine get it. There was one of Renee informing me that she didn't go on the cruise and that we needed to talk.

Yeah, that wasn't happening any time soon.

Leah and Jake came over with pizza in hand to get all the details on what was said. After telling them how the whole thing went down, I had to stop Jake from trying to go slash Tanya's tires. I had to remind him that we are not fifteen.

Leah could not believe we got into a physical fight. Well, not that I did much but she thought Tanya just showed how big of a nut case she really is.

"So, are we going to talk about her saying that Edward is basically in love with you? Or are we just completely ignoring that part of the story?" Leah asks in between taking a bite out of her meat loves pizza and taking a drink of beer.

"There is nothing to talk about. Tanya is chemically imbalanced so anything that comes out of her mouth is basically a lie." I convinced my self that she made up everything in her mind regarding Edwards feelings towards me. And by any chance that actually turned out to be true, I just don't know how I feel about it.

I am not jumping up in down.

That was surprising.

"When she told him that she knew he still loved you did he deny it?"

I was just about to open my mouth to answer when she chimed in .

" No he didn't." she sang. I had to reminder that "He didn't confirm it either."

"Small Details"

"Yeah, ok" I tell her as I start to pick up the trash around me. Jake had to leave because he had a date. That just left Leah and my self talking about what I could do to take all this bull shit out my mind.

"I got it. You should start running."

I thought it was a great idea. Until I figured out five minutes in, that I'm totally out of shape.

We finally reach the cliffs on the beach and my hands are grabbing my knees and I'm hunched over just ready to pass out.

"Once you start doing this everyday your going to feel great."

Yeah, this coming from the one that does this for a living and its not about to pass out.

It's a good thing its practically freezing out here. The cold air actually feels good after running. I straighten out and look at the ocean the everything is gray. Even with the lack of color it looks beautiful.

"So, did you finally speak with Bad ass Cullen about joining us at your house for some good wholesome fun for new years?"

Leah has dubbed Alice Bad Ass Cullen when she finally met her on that first Monday after the event. She showed up at my house rocking her shirt about blonds hearing voices in their heads. I had to reminder that her dad probably gets offended at all the blond jokes she throws around. She assures me that he known that they are not intended at him and dismisses it.

Alice let's us know what the aftermath has been like. Emmett took off to New York with Edward the next day. Alice didn't even care that this years Christmas was just going to be her and her parents. Stating that the best Christmas present she has gotten in the last few years was the fact that Edward dumped Tanya on the night they were going to make the engagement official.

Although, Rosalie was also on her shit list. She couldn't but feel sorry for her when she came over the morning that Emmett left. Telling her that they needed a break. There was a lot that happened and both had to think about where the relationship was heading.

"I mean, what did she expect? She cried to my mom for an hour after he left to the airport. I felt bad, she was a friend at one point. But if she thinks that crying is going to have me forget what she did to you. Well she's got another thing coming."

Alice was loyal to the end. Even though I am not ready to contemplate forgiving Rosalie. I do know that she must be suffering. Emmett is everything to her.

She also informs me that Rosalie called her right before she came over to my house.

"She wanted me to relay a massage to you."

"Oh, and what would that be?"

"She wants to speak with you. But when ever your ready to do it just to let her know."

Rosalie told Alice because she knew that I wouldn't even listen to her right now. She tried to call my phone and text me. I erased anything she sent to me. She's right I'm not ready. I don't know if I ever will be.

I don't tell Alice to say anything in return.

"So, is she going to join us to bring in the new year?" Leah asks bringing me back to the present.

"Yeah, her boyfriend Jasper is in Texas until the third and she assured me that being at home with the parents would make her 'lame'."

"Right on. Ready to head back to the car?" she asks while jogging in place.

Great just when I started to feel my legs again. I think she sees the look in my eyes that are screaming giving up.

"Come on Bella. No pain no gain. Do you really want to give up already?"

New years resolution not giving up. I will start with not giving up running only after one day.

"No, I don't."

**IC**

5.…4.…3.…2.…1 "HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Alice and Leah are both sitting on each side of me. When we see the ball drop in New York I couldn't help but think what was Edward doing. I mentally castrated my self.

Besides the keeping up with the running. Which is starting to feel vary cathartic. The other new years thing I'm working on is not letting Edward Cullen affect any aspect of my life. There are more I'm adding each second, but that one I plan to make it the first priority.

Leah gets a call from her mom, I get one from my dad (why didn't they just use one phone, is beyond me.) for the first time in what seems for ever My dad took new years off to celebrate with someone. It was really nice seeing him so happy. He deserved it. We hung up with them when Alice was trying to handle like 2 calls at the same time and texting.

My phone started chiming alerting me that I had received text messages. Checking them I got one from Jake.

**Happy new year Bells. Wish I was there but I must admit that cumming in Carle on New years is good. ;)- Jake.**

**Happy new years Jake. New years resolution, keep the tmi to a minimum.-Bella **

The other messages were from Aro and Marcus. At least that relationship is going well. Aro claims that his resolution will be to come out to his mother. I hope everything works out for him.

Few more text from colleagues, that I responded to when I got one from my mother.

**Isabella this is your mother wishing you a happy new year. I hope that with the start of this year we can have a conversation soon. Your sister also wants to talk. Let us know when its good for you.**

Renee is unbelievable. Did she not get the fact that not answering her calls means I am not talking. I don't even bother responding to her. I really don't care how her year goes. Obviously she doesn't care about mine, since she's trying to have me an Tanya talk. That woman is completely off the rocker. God knows what other ridiculous things my "sister" has been saying about the whole situation. At this point I don't put anything passed her. I wont let this upset me to much. I want to start off in a good note and positive thoughts.

I get a message from an unknown number.

**I hope that this year is the beginning off all good things for you. You deserve the best. Happy New Year Bella**

The girls are to busy talking and texting back for me to question them about the unknown umber. We fall asleep in the living room talking about Alice's birthday that is actually a month an a half away.

"Yeah, I know that Valentines day falls on my birthday, which sucks because last year when Jazz tried to take me somewhere it was all packed with people conforming to the man's holiday."

After Alice went on about having to share her birthday with a fake holiday she was able to go to sleep. Soon after I heard Leah snoring and talking in her sleep about Paul. Don't know what that was about. I was able to calm my own ideas swimming around my head about the shit my life has become lately. I decided to give it a rest. Reminding my self about being more positive about life.

**IC**

I've been running everyday for a month. Leah was right, I started to run a little bit longer each week. I didn't have time to go all the way to La Push to run on the beach. I started to run around the neighborhood. Today I was feeling a little adventures and decided to go on a little hike. My dads house is at the vary edge of our town and the street we live in. Its next to where the forest practically starts. When I was younger I use to play a lot in the woods I knew them like the back of my hand.

Confident enough that there is no way I could get lost I decide to start hiking the small hills that are hidden under all the trees. On my third week in I found this little path that was maybe a mile in. I could see a clearing shinning through once I get passed all the big trees. I keep going until I reach it. Once I step in I found a small meadow. At this time the grass is dead because of all the snow but I could tell that it might be a charming looking peace of property once spring comes in.

It almost seemed like déjà vu. I don't know why but I feel at peace there. I started hiking there at least twice a week to get all my thoughts in place. I like having a place that was just mine and no one else's.

My mother has been persistent in the whole we need to have a serious conversation about how to fix this family. I been able to dodge her for this whole time but one time last week she almost cornered me at school luckily I was able to go out the back door.

Alice has been pretty bummed out about her brothers. They had decided to stay in New York longer than planned and still are not back. She makes her self feel better by reminding her self that Tanya is alone and miserable. Apparently she flew out there a few days after New Years and was told to go to the deepest of all hells. Well, at least that's what Alice was told by Emmett.

Emmett has yet to actually speak to Rosalie. He called me two weeks ago and apologized for any thing he might have done. But especially for things he did not do. I told him that he had nothing to do with it and if anything. I'm not holding any resentment towards him. He didn't know, I tell him and that I understand. Now, I don't know if that was the best thing to tell him because he then feels the urge to start pleading a case for his brother. I had to stop him when he started to tell me "Lil B, Eddie didn't know either what the crazy bitch was up to you have to hear him out. He told me that he was trying to fix things between both of you before the whole thing imploded " It might have been true, that he was trying to fix things between us. But I'm just not ready to go there with him.

I'm sitting in Maria's Bakery enjoying a cup of coffee and a blue berry muffin when I hear the door bell ring announcing that someone just came in. I look up to find Esme stepping in the bakery. She doesn't see me at first but once she makes her order and is waiting she looks to the front corner where I'm at and smiles. Walking towards me she waves hello.

"Bella, what a pleasure to bump in to you. Its like the universe knew I was going to call you."

I gesture her to sit and join me.

"Hi, Emse how you've been? How's the new year treating you?" I ask her

"Oh, been good, really good. The new year brought a lot of change but I think in a good way. You know?"

I just nod my head. And take a sip out of my coffee. Just when I was going to ask her why she was going to call me her order is up. She leaves all her things at the table. Which tells me she is planning to sit back down and continue our conversation.

She comes back with her own coffee and a cinnamon muffin in hand.

"You said you were going to call me? Was about something specific?" I ask her.

"OH! Yes. As you know Mary Alice's birthday is a few weeks away, I was actually trying to throw her a surprise party."

Good luck with that.

"Really? That's going to be hard since she seems to always know when there is a secret being kept from her."

"That's where you come in. I hope your able to help me. I know how fond of you Alice is. I was hoping to see if your able to help me keep some of the things in your house?"

"That's no problem Esme. I will help you in anyway possible."

I could tell there was something else she wanted to ask.

"Thank you Bella, your such a good friend. There is also the small detail of the actual day. Her father and myself planned to take her to Seattle the day before for her birthday shopping" she looks at me almost sheepishly "and we will be spent the night there. So, I was wondering if you could do the setting up of the party. But don't worry I already recruited two other helpers. So what do you say?" she asks almost pleading.

I already told her I would do anything to help. This would fall under anything.

"Esme don't worry about it. Ill set it up."

I wonder if one of the recruits is Jasper. She said two I really cant think of anybody else that she would trust as much.

Unless…

"Bella I just knew I could count on you." just when I was going to question her on who exactly is going to be helping me she actually answers it. "don't worry Emmett and Edward are set to be here in a few days. They decided that this would be a good time to came back from their little sabbatical they both have taken this last month. They are the ones that came up with the idea of the surprise party."

Why aren't I surprised.

"Wow, are they that's nice of them." I say trying to sound like this is not a problem.

Which is not. I don't care. I could handle spending one afternoon with him setting up Alice's surprise party.

"They love their sister. Because I know her I am actually going to be pretty occupied with a Charity event leading up to her birthday so she doesn't suspect that I'm planning this. Emmett and Edward will get in contact with you once they are here so all of you can maybe come up with how to get together and get all the needed things for it."

I just realize that she is leaving all the buying, planning, and setting up of this surprise party to us three. Great, all of a sudden Alice's surprise party became my surprise nightmare.

Once the whole party conversation seized. Esme grabbed my hand and gave her what I like to call motherly look and asked me if I was ok.

"I know the situation that occurred right before Christmas, and that's the reason that both my boys had to get away. But I want to know how are you holding up?"

I didn't think she would care. Why would she. My own mother has not asked how I am doing. She just demands that we need to fix it.

"I am trying to forget it and move on. Its not worth my time."

She squeezes my hand and gives me a sincere smile that tells me she understands.

"I know that this might not mean anything to you but I never believe a bad thing that was said about you. I have known you for many years, and I consider myself a good judge of character and I know that you Bella are good person. So, don't let the negative in people ever change that about you."

In with those words I forgave Esme for sticking me with Edward with this surprise party.

**A/N:**

**I know this is more of a filler, but sometimes they are needed. Anyway hope to have a new chapter by end of week. (crossing fingers)**

**For any mistakes i apologize.**

**THANK YOU FOR READING. REVIEW IF YOU MUST.**


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER: DIRIN'T DREAM IT. DONT OWN IT. WISH I DID.**

Chapter 12: "No plan survives contact with the enemy." - Field Marshal Helmuthvon Moltke

"Do, you need more ice?" asked Mrs. Garcia from the party supply store.

"No, thank you that's fine." I reply while sitting in her back room. There is a table and a chair. Probably were the employees take breaks. Not quite sure but currently I'm holding an ice pack with my left hand to my right eye. And my right hand is under a bag full of ice to keep down the swelling of my knuckles.

"Your father wanted me to let you know that soon as he finishes getting the last statement he will come talk to you" she gives me a small smile and pats me on the back and heads back to the front of the store. She leaves the door open so I can see that the crowed of people that had gathered both inside and out are slowly dissipating back to whatever they were doing before all hell broke lose.

This is not the way I wanted this little outing to go. I should have gone with the gut instinct and just let Emmett and Edward take care of the decoration shopping. But, no, Emmett had to point out that if I didn't join them they were going to make the theme Mardi Gras, and that it would be "totally epic."

Having a Mardi Gras theme at a party would not be wise with a bunch of high school students that are mostly under age . They would take the throwing of the beads as an actual invitation to start flashing. I don't think that the Cullens would appreciate that.

As Esme informed me the guys came back a few days later. Emmett was the one to call me and invite me to have a coffee and talk about things. I had to let him know that I didn't want to talk about anything regarding the event that took place before he took off to New York. I had to decline the invitation and made it clear that I was only doing this for Alice's party.

I should have known better when it comes to that guy. He showed up at my house one night after my run with a pizza and a six pack of beer. "Lil B, like it or not we are clearing things up between you and I that's it." then he walked right passed me and set up the food and drinks in the living room. Got him self comfortable on Charlie's recliner and told me to sit.

"Don't worry about the plates or anything. I got napkins, let's just talk" he said.

As always he's as cool as a cucumber. There is no bull when it comes to him. He got right down to the point.

"So, I just want you to know how sorry I am that all this happened." he states while opening the box and offering me the first piece. I give him a small smile and grab the smallest piece I could find. I kind of just held it there. "what Rosalie and Tanya did is unforgivable. I don't know if you heard, but knowing Ali, you have. Me and Rose are taking a bit of a break." he sounds so sad. It actually sadness me as well to see him suffering. I know how much they love each other.

"Em, I don't want whatever happened between Rosalie and myself to actually affect your relationship I know how much she loves you." I tell him.

"See. Bella that right there is what broke my heart. The fact that after all the shit she pulled with you. You are still concerned about how she feels." he says and the frustration is on the tone of his voice.

I missed having him around. He truly is a good friend and is trying to fix it." Look, in all honesty I'm not sure when or if I will ever be ok with her. It hurts me to say that but if I would have pulled all that shit you know as well as me that she would rip me to shreds and never look back. But I hope that all between you and her actually work out. As a matter a fact I know it will." I give him a genuine smile and take a bite out of the pizza.

"B, I'm not going to lie, these past few weeks have been hell. We text each other. You know here and there. I actually want her to grow up I don't want her to think that she could do all that crap and not have serious consequences. And I know that she is sorry. But I cant believe she took everything that crazy bitch said and went with it. That's not the Rosie I know. I just still don't understand completely how all this got to the point that it got to."

"Em, we could sit here all night long and try to figure out what exactly was said between those two, that got this situation where its at but I don't want to dwell on it. I have spent the last few weeks really trying to just forget about it and I don't want to spent another second talking about it. If that's ok with you? I actually appreciate the fact that you didn't listen to me and came over to talk about it. But that's the last of it. Were cool I understand that you didn't know all the information and we leave it at that ok?"

He nods his head "Ok, your right its not worth talking about anymore. I just want us to be cool and I think we are back to being lil b and Big right?" he says giving me his big ol' dimply smile.

"Yes, Big"

"Ok, so now that all that is taken care of we are planning this party properly. So, I don't want to hear objections. We are doing this together its better and faster. I don't have to be calling you or waiting for a response. If all three of us do the shopping together. And don't worry Ed promised not to hound you about anything regarding that crazy bitch, high school or any feelings that may or may not be still lingering between you two." he gives me a weird look. Don't know what that's about.

.I don't want to give away anything regarding my feelings towards his brother. The truth is I don't know how I feel about him anymore. Some days I feel like my heart is going to fall out of my chest because I feel I cant deal with it. It being the feelings I have. One day I love him, one day I don't and one day I feel like both feelings merge into one mass confusion.

I make no comment back to Emmett about what he has just said. I don't even want to acknowledge the subject.

"So, I think we should get together in a few days and go to the party supply store to look at what they have" he says as he finishes up his second slice of pizza. I agree, not wanting to make this any more difficult that it needs to be. I'm a big girl I don't need to hide from anybody and the fact of the matter is I don't care.

I think.

**IC**

"There she is!" Emmett yelled and started to walk towards me. Giving me a quick hug he tilts his head towards the entrance of the only party supply store in town. Where a very nervous looking Edward was standing rubbing the back of his neck. We give each other the normal pleasantries and walked in.

"Why wasn't she born on Halloween? Look at all this pink shit around. Can you imagine if we decided to do a pink theme?" Emmett says while chuckling at just the idea of Alice's face if she walked in on a Valentine theme party for her.

That would be not good.

The party supply store is all decked out in all Valentine related items. Heart shaped balloons, teddy bears with I love you's and boxes of chocolates seems to be what has taken over the shop.

We decide to spread out to see if we can find anything that Alice wouldn't hate. Because Valentines is only couple of weeks away the place has at least a dozen people looking to order or buy some type of arrangement to be sent to whom ever. This holiday, is a waist of time and money. I don't say that just because the only Valentine thing I have ever gotten was from Riley back in college. It was a small teddy bear that was holding a heart that read _be mine_. He earned a three hour make out session for that one.

I find my self in the back of the shop where I guess the left over decorations from other holidays passed are set up. I also find an Edward Cullen already there deep in thought looking at the fall/Halloween section. I try to back peddle my self out of there before he sees me. But I'm not that lucky.

"I think I found something that might please Ali. I..I don't know what do you think?" he asks with out looking away from the wall that has the few Halloween decorations.

I move in closer to take a good look at the dire selection they have that does not involve bunnies or hearts. We start grabbing things that look like they could work. I tell him that I will go ask Mrs. Garcia up in the front and see if she has anything else that maybe not be out on display. Mrs. Garcia believes she has a box that I can take a look at, she sends one of the other employees to go get it for me.

While I'm waiting for the box I hear that someone just came in the store. I'm facing the counter which leaves my back to the front door. All I hear is her voice and I cringe. I hope she doesn't see me. Since December and the event I've not crossed paths with her. Thank god for small miracles. So, of course the day that I'm actually here with Edward is the day I have to bump into her. Why is she even here? I feel someone standing behind me and then she asks Mrs. Garcia if she has any Valentines cards that might express how sorry one is. If I were her I would be look for a card that also expresses how crazy I am.

I don't think she has any idea that its me. I'm trying to have my hair cover up my face when she moves and stands right next to me. I'm keeping it cool I don't want to draw any attention. I'm praying that the employee getting the box takes even longer then expected.

Mrs. Garcia brings out a container that she has under the counter and is showing her some cards she hadn't pulled out just yet. All of a sudden like she heard my thoughts she looks right at me. I can feel her eyes on me. We are literally like a foot away from each other.

"Could this day get any worse?." she mutters .

Yeah, because bumping into her is the highlight of my day.

I don't even look her way focusing on the display set up right on the counter. Why cant she just get whatever she's getting and leave.

"Why is it that every time I see you, you look like a big mess?" she asks.

I turn to look at her and give her a do you really want to do this now look.

"What cat got your tongue"

"Look, Tanya whatever game your playing at right now I am not participating ok, so just drop it and finish doing what ever it is you came here to do."

"There is no game Isabella, I'm just letting you know what I think about you."

"Yeah, have you forgotten already we've actually have had this conversation. You hate me because of whatever scenario you have created in that twisted little mind of yours" I tell her not taking my eyes off her.

"I fucken hate that you think your better than me. Let me just tell you that your not. I don't care how proper you want to come off as I just know your this scared little girl inside that is afraid to stand up for your self."

"What do you think happened at my moms? I stood up for my self and had people open their eyes to the psycho bitch you are. If anything I thank you for allowing me to grow a pair and tell you what I really think of you." I let her know as my voice picks up volume.

"If you think that you were able to break me and Edward up think again he just needs time but soon enough we will be back and you." she points her fake nail at me "you will still be alone and pathetic like always"

I don't even want to feed into her little moment of whatever she's having. So I turn around and start to walk away. I feel her grab my forearm and spin me back to face her. "Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you" she says while gripping me hard.

I shrug her off of me "Don't touch me Tanya" I warn her.

"Or what? Your going to call daddy the cop and tell him."

"Honestly I don't have time for your shit" I said turning right back around and walking away again.

"You, know your going to end up like your loser father. Alone." she yells as I'm walking away. But as soon those words came out I saw red.

I turn around to look at her. "Who are you calling a loser?" I say as I move towards her once again. "aren't you the one that got dumped the day your engagement was to become 'official' yeah, that wasn't me" Next thing I know I just see her fist coming at me and I stumble back once it makes contact with my eye.

Since working out with Leah she has me doing a little boxing for my arms. But also "if that crazy bitch tried anything ever again" her words echoed in my brain as I was trying to shake off the sting building around my eye. Without any thought or thought process I reacted by punching her right back. I wasn't aiming for a specific spot. It so happens it landed on her nose.

She looked at me in disbelief. I could see she didn't expect me to defend my self. I hadn't realized that we were surrounded by the people in the store and I guess onlookers that were possibly on the side walk looking in. Once her initial shock of being hit surpassed her she lunged at me like at Renee's house. And once again I just felt two arms wrap around me and pull me back.

The only difference this time I was not stopping I was kicking and screaming to let me go so I could show her a thing or two.

Not the best moment of my adult life. My maturity level sank along with her at those moments I just honestly wanted to pound her a few more times in the face.

It felt good.

They dragged me to the back of the store to put some distance between us.

"I need you to calm down ok. I wont let you go until you promise." Edward said right into my ear. I could feel his hot breath on me and he made me shiver. I had to roll my eyes at myself for even having that reaction with just the fact that his mouth was that close. "Edward I am not a five year old let me go" I started breathing in deep and once my heart rate slowed and the adrenaline was subsiding I started to feel my hand hurt.

"That was a pretty good punch Rocky Balboa, but can you stay still so I can look at your eye." he held my face in between his hands so I could keep steady. His thumb was softly messaging the cheek bone that was swelling up.

I had forgotten how green his eyes were actually. They are beautiful. He said something but since the hit to the eye I lost some brain cells and I was admiring his face instead of trying to get him to stop touching me so softly with the concern that spilt out of his eyes.

"Your going to need to put some ice on it quickly before it gets bad. Let me look at your hand." his talking low. He then releases one side of my face while the thumb that is massaging my cheek bone remains there. He takes his free hand and ever so gently picks up my right hand and looks at it so intently "can you wiggle your fingers for me?" he asks still speaking low. I do as I'm told and he assures me that some ice would help there to.

His still holding me with one hand on my face the other one holding my other hand and I feel that his staring at my mouth. He is , its if I could feel the intention. I feel him move slightly in. I want to move away but I cant my heart starts beating fast again. I start feeling warm. I can feel my ears burning. I for whatever reason want him to kiss it and make it all better.

Like he could read my mind he looks up and into my eyes. I hope he cant read me the way I am able to read him right now. Because I can see it I can see what he wants to do. I wonder if he sees that I want him to do it.

Whatever bubble we were currently in was busted when Emmett suddenly appeared.

"Eddie, your crazy ex is totally losing it out there talking about you should be over there consoling her. I suggest you go and calm her ass down she is making a spectacle out there"

Edward hesitates to let me go. "I'll be back" he tells me

"Its ok, you don't have to I'm fine. Go and calm her down"

He takes a deep breath and starts to slowly let go of me. Soon as he makes his way to the front Emmett informs me that Mrs. Garcia called my dad. This is going to be great.

**IC**

The cold of the ice pack is becoming uncomfortable on my eye. I remove it and try to open my eye. I actually feel it a bit heavy and place the ice pack back. If I bruise I could put on some cover up but if it swells anymore that could be hard to hide.

I'm thankful that its Thursday and I guess I will be calling out tomorrow. I'll have the weekend to make my face look presentable again.

.Stretching out my hand to get some feeling back into it. The ice is doing the job of numbing the pain and I can see that there is a slight swelling on my knuckles but its not so bad. I have never been a violent person besides the little hair pulling that accrued at Renee's before Christmas I was never involved in a physical altercation. Who would have thought that two months later I would be punching Tanya on the nose.

"Bells" Charlie is standing right on the door way. He's looking at me like I'm in high school and he has to come and speak to the principal. God this just makes me feel even more stupid.

"Dad, I can explain" I say sounding like a chastises child.

He moves in further in to the room and leans against the wall. Tilting his head is looking at me like I'm some foreign creature.

"I'm sure you can. I do have to hear your side of the events" his tone is soothing. He doesn't sound mad.

That's good. I think.

"But before we get into all that. Let me look at your eye." concerned is laced in his voice.

I remove the ice pack and look up at him. He is standing right in front me. "hmm…that's going to be a good size shiner, but not as bad as the nose job you did to her." I could hear the slight amusement in that statement.

**IC**

After sleeping with a piece of stake on my face. I woke up to a blue and purple eye. The swelling had gone down considerably. Which I was thankful for. I had to call out of work today. I could just imagine the rumors that are going to be spreading like wild fire today. Thank god its Friday.

I don't feel like being all cooped up in the house. Since its nine in the morning and everybody should be at work or school I decide to take my daily run now. Grabbing my ipod and putting it to shuffle. I start running to some good ol' 90's red hot chilli peppers. Makes me want to go to California.

Locking the door behind me I take off jogging. I'm to rapped up thinking in the moment I had with Edward.

Moment, that's what it felt like. For those few minutes it was just us. It was weird. I don't want to feel like this. I get so frustrated when all these feelings get jumbled up even more. But I know he wanted to kiss me.

What does that mean?

Does it mean that Tanya was right about all the things she said about him being in love with me? I have to laugh at the thought.

Finding my self hiking up to the meadow. Its actually a perfect day to go there and just sit and get away. I was almost there when I stepped wrong and felt my ankle twist.

Just what I needed. Another injury.

Now I'm hobbling to the center of the meadow where the sun is shinning at. I sit down and start rubbing my ankle. I wince because it really hurts.

How the hell am I going to get down from here?

I try a few times to stand up but I actually see that my ankle starts swelling up. "Geez can't I catch a break". I say out loud while looking up to the sky.

God has a funny way of showing me some love.

I start to look for my phone and see if there is any possible way I get some sort of reception here.

As I suspected. No bars

Shit.

Trying to think about how I could crawl my way home. I hear ruffling coming from behind me. Great, this keeps getting better and better. Now I'm going to get killed and nobody will ever find my body.

Why didn't I ever mention this place to anybody?

Oh, yeah I wanted something to be only mine. That's what I get for being selfish.

The foot steps keep getting closer and closer. I try to crawl to the wooded area on the other side from where the intruder is coming from.

"OH SHIT! You scared me" he says.

I scared him? And before I even turn around I recognize that damn voice.

"Bella? Is that you?"

**A/N:**

**this chapter was like pulling teeth. anyway i finally finished it. **

**i want to let you know that the lovely trueloveoverall is going to be betaing this story for me. Shes going to be starting from the begining. i wanted her to look at this chapter but i actually will be gone for a few days and didnt want to leave with out posting something this week. so , once again sorry for any mistakes. **

**Thank you for reading Review if you must.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: originally i was going to do this as an outtake, but decided on actually putting it in the story. Edward just wouldnt leave me alone. bitting nails tell me what you think.**

**trueloveoverall bate'd so i heart her.**

**Disclaimer: Did not dream it. Do not own it.**

Chapter 13: "Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it."- Robert Frost

**EPOV**

My legs started to cramp maybe I should have stretched longer. Two more blocks I recite to myself, and I will be by her house. I spent a lot of time running during my senior year. It helped from dwelling over what I thought was the truth.

Six years later everything I thought was true was not. How did I let things get to this point? How could I have let Tanya convince me of all the shit she told me? Stupid asshole doesn't begin to cover what I am.

I believed everything that came out of her mouth. She was so sweet and at the time, she made it seem that she would help me with Bella. Little did I know she had her own agenda she was thinking about.

I could feel the sweat even though it's still winter here and the cold air is on a low chill. I don't know how long I have been running for; all I knew was that I just need to go to my meadow. That was the one place I could always go to when I needed time apart from everything and everyone. I found it the day Tanya told me that Isabella was involved with Jake. I remember just arguing the fact that she had never mentioned anything but brotherly love for him. Somehow she was able to make me see things that apparently were never there.

In hindsight I was a stupid seventeen year old boy. I was at the age where anybody rarely thought with reason and not questioning anything. Rumors where said in high school and everybody believed, them no one ever questioned if they were real or not. That was clearly my first mistake of many on my part.

Bella Swan was one of my best friends. She had been since she arrived here in sophomore year. We always were paired up in every class that we had together. I could honestly say it was love at first sight. She walked in our English class and tripped on my desk. When she looked at me with her big brown eyes I was a goner. Lucky for me she ended up being in my P.E. class and was my badmitten partner. It was all history after that.

My family got to know her very well because of the projects we would work on together. The first time I brought her home I think Alice fell in love with her as well. She embraced the little brat and would encourage her to join us.

We would talk about everything and anything. She became one of my best friends. I remember Alice always asking me when I was going to grow some and ask her. The fact that at the time she was just a little twerp and could see through me was funny. But I didn't want to rush things. I didn't want to make our friendship awkward if she did not feel the same way.

So, time went by and our friendship grew and it was nice. I knew her other best friend was Jake. We would hang out sometimes and I never did get that there was more to them that just a brother/sister thing. So, when people started telling me that there was word going around that they hooked up I couldn't believe it.

During this time Bella's step sister Tanya also started attending our school. The only reason we even started to speak was because we had Bella in common.

One day out of the blue she asked me, _"You like her don't you? Bella? I can tell" _she said while giving me a big toothy smile. I even think I blushed and she pointed at my face to reassure me that I had lit up like a red light bulb.

"_You do? I knew it. Do you want me to ask her if she likes you? I can help you two out 'cause with the pace you two are moving that shit is never going to happen." _She said.

She assured me that she would be discreet about the whole thing and she would find out how she felt about me. Once the rumor started I didn't believe it until Tanya pulled me aside that same day and confirmed it for me.

"_I am so sorry, Edward. She told me last night that she and Jake finally took their friendship to the next level. I guess they have been secretly together they don't do the whole pda thing."_

I remember how my chest felt tight and my breathing became shallow. I wanted to scream. I walked out of school got in my car and went home. I told my mother that I wasn't feeling well and she let me sleep the rest of the day. I remember waking up and feeling empty. It hurt so bad that feeling of heartbreak. That is a feeling that I could never forget.

That evening I got up and found myself alone in my house. Somehow that big house was caving in on me. I needed to get out I needed to breath I needed to forget. Like now I just changed to running shorts and left. I ran, I just ran. I found myself on her block running towards her house it was twilight and it looked so peaceful. I was determined to knock on her door. I needed to hear it from her own mouth that she was with Jake. As I got closer to her house I recognized Jake's car parked on the driveway next to her car. Charlie wasn't home yet because the cruiser was not there.

The only room with the lights on was her room. I could feel the stomach acid rising within me. They were up there, they were together. I just bolted through the woods that are right passed her house. Again I just ran, I found I trail that I followed and it took me to a meadow full of green grass and small flowers I looked up to see the stars in the opening through the trees surrounding it. It was calming. I sat there for what felt like hours.

I had never cried in my life. That day in the meadow I cried to the point my eyes hurt. At that moment I decided that I couldn't be her friend. I was seventeen I was selfish I wanted and if it wasn't mine I didn't want it in my life. So, I distanced myself I gradually became more and more distant.

When she would want to talk to me I would give her one word answers. I still remember the moment I think It registered that I had changed with her. She looked sad, but I didn't think anything of it.

The whole time Tanya was there for me. _"Edward, I just want to tell you that things will get better and I'm here for you. I know what is like to love someone and have them not feel the same." _

"_How do you get over it?"_ I asked her.

"_I will let you know when I get over him"_

"_Oh…this is now? Who is it?" _I asked. I had no clue that she was going through her own heartbreak.

"_I don't want you to get weird on me…but it's you" _she stopped looking at me and was suddenly much invested in her nails.

"_Me? I didn't know. I never meant to hurt you by telling you about Bella I'm sor-" she_ cut me off by kissing me.

To say I was shocked is an understatement. I felt myself at a loss at the moment as her soft mango flavored lip balm lips slowly took my bottom lip. I started to panic and I was grabbing her by her shoulders to push her away. When I was finally able to prier off me she looked so hurt.

I didn't want to be the cause of that feeling that I have been enveloped in. _"Sorry Edward, I just wanted to see how it felt" _she started to walk away but I didn't want her to go like that.

"Tanya, wait I just don't want to feel like I am using you" I tell her, it was the truth.

"_Edward I think I can help you move on from her. If it doesn't work well we could be back to being just friends but we should give us a chance"_

At that moment I just wanted the pain to stop, so I agreed to it.

Tanya did everything possible to stay with me as I went to college in the East coast. She moved over there as well and just worked any type of job she could find. Everyone back home had this perfect picture of our relationship. But it was far from it. We broke up more times than I could count. Every time it would happen she would convince her dad that she missed him and she wanted to spent time over there with them.

The longest and biggest break up we had was my junior year and it was for about eight months. I know she went to her aunts in Arizona. I couldn't deal with the constant reminder of Bella. Every fight we had was her throwing in my face the fact that I still loved her. I was always honest with her. She told me that she believed in us and that the love I felt for Bella one day be for her. I should have seen that as the first signs of the crazy shit she would do and say. I did date some people during that time. All the girls I went out with seemed to fit the mold of brown hair and brown eyes, but it never felt right.

Somehow Tanya was able to convince me that she had changed and she wouldn't pull that shit on me anymore. She found out about one of the girls I saw for a while and she lost it once again when she saw what Melissa looked like.

"_You are a sick bastard! Are you really trying to telling me that you didn't go out with that tramp because she doesn't remind you of her?" _

"_Look I went out with her because she was a nice girl. Ok we dated for a few weeks. Just because she happens to have brown hair doesn't mean she looks like Be-"_

"_Don't even say her name. She is always tearing us apart when is she going to stop being a factor in our relationship? When are you going to give me the place in your heart that I deserve?" _she sobbed out as she is pushing me into the wall.

"_First of all, Tanya you're the one that is always putting her in between us. So don't give me that shit about it's me because all I have been trying to do is lives my life with you but the insecurity that you live with is what keeps us from moving to any sturdy place."_

After that fight she promised me to stop her insecurities. Soon after that fight, I was planning a year long trip with some missionaries to visit several under privileged villages along Central and Southern America. I decided it would be a good way to refocus on myself as a person. I wanted to help and truth be told just being back in Forks after Graduating was difficult enough when I occasionally would bump into Bella.

We didn't speak much. Come to think of it I could count in one hand the many times we spoke. That was probably because of her mother.

Things were never the same between the both of us. From being best friends to acquaintances or worst yet I am just the boyfriend of her step sister.

In that long year of being away and experiencing the hardships that people face day in and day out, made me do a lot of retrospective thinking about how I had handled a lot of things in my life. I realized that I'm not a good friend. The fact that I couldn't handle it at seventeen doesn't mean that I can't handle it at twenty three. I realized that I still loved her. Yes, Bella was the one and only in my heart. Did I feel like a total asshole about it yes, but I couldn't change my feelings.

Don't get me wrong I cared about Tanya. I wanted to be there for her but I didn't know if I could ever love her the way she deserved. So, I thought, but before returning to Forks I had decided that I love Bella enough to want to be part of her life. I wanted to be friends again I wanted her to be happy even if it's not with me.

That's also when I started to thinking about asking Tanya to marry me. I knew that she would question the fact that I wanted to befriend Bella again. So, I thought it was time to make our courtship official.

I'm the lowest life form on earth. I have fucked up so bad its irreversible. If I would have listened to my little sister more I wouldn't be in this big mess. Alice always let it be known how much she disliked Tanya. She would do it in front of her. Tanya would not pay any attention to her but I could see that it would get under her skin.

Alice stopped talking to me for a few months after I got back. The mention of proposing sent her off into a huge fit and argument about me being the biggest dumbass she has ever seen. She would state the fact that Tanya was not the one for me and threaten me that if I did marry her she would not attend the wedding.

"_You, know what just drop me off at Bella's. The thought of being in the same car with you for another five minutes is revolting. You are so stupid I can't believe you are doing this to me, to us! You are so STUPID!"_

"_Alice I will not allow you to speak to me this way. It's my life it's my decision. Plus I just said I am thinking about it."_

"_Well, you better be 'just thinking about it' and realize that it would be the biggest mistake of your life."_

I had seen Bella the night before the Alice debacle. I had told her that I wanted to speak to her. She sounded so hurt when she pretty much told me to go to hell. She didn't say it in so many words but it was certainly implied. Do I blame her for dismissing me? No, not at all I deserved it but I wasn't giving up.

The next month and a half were strange. Every week we would have dinner at Phil and Renee's house and every week Renee would mention the fact that Bella had a different date. I could hardly keep my food down. I had to act like nothing would bother me. Any sign of discomfort would send Tanya over the edge.

I was there when Emmett was setting up Bella with his friend. I wanted to hit him so bad. But I kept quiet I want her to be happy that's all. I had to remind myself that every time. The time when I was suppose to meet up Emmett and Rosalie's and Bella's place I was not expecting what I saw. She looked amazing; she was on her way out with some fellow teacher and they were chaperoning a dance. I just stood there I watched as she spoke to him so easily. I got jealous over the way her and Emmett were together. That used be me at one point.

There was never a mention of her actually starting any type of relationship with any of these guys. I tried to put the whole thing in the back of my mind but Tanya would just talk about she how she "_hoped that Bella was being careful with all the std's and unwanted pregnancies that go on now and days_."

I know she would say it to get a rise out of me; I never gave her one.

On Thanksgiving Rosalie let us know that she and Tanya would be living together because Bella and her had some kind falling out. This was news to me. I know that Tanya wanted out of her dads and the only reason I didn't ask her to stay with me was I was afraid that Alice would make things difficult.

Even Emmett was taken aback by the information. There were things said about Bella that I felt didn't make sense. But then again I have said maybe two sentences to her this whole time. Regardless of whatever issue Rosalie and Bella were having I still wanted to be her friend. I just wanted her in my life in any way possible.

I hadn't told Alice that I was done thinking and I was planning to ask her to marry me. Tanya set up this dinner in which I would formally ask for her hand in marriage. Both sets of parents knew but I could see my mother holding back on something. Emmett knew and told me that I was doing a big mistake not telling Alice.

"_Bro, seriously you know how she is she is going to lose it. For whatever reason she doesn't like Tanya and she lets it be known. I would give her a heads up if I were you. So at least she could get it out of her system before the dinner. Or even better maybe she won't go."_

"_Em, do you really think she would make a scene with both mom and dad there. Even Alice knows better and anyway she's my sister she should just be happy for me. She'll get over it."_

"_It's your funeral. I'm just letting you know that. Hell she's already started talking shit about Rose and she use to like her. But this whole thing with Bella really pissed Alice off. You know I am still not clear in what exactly went down. I mean Bella never acted any less then her awesome self. I should talk to her and get her side of things."_

"_Yeah, the whole Rosalie and Bella thing is kind of weird. But that's between the girls, you know how they could be one minute they love it each other the next they hate then there back to loving. They are just confusing. I stay out of it if I were you."_

"_yeah, maybe your right. I don't want to make things worse. Rosalie seems set in having nothing to do with her. But I know that's just temporary there like best friends I would hope they wouldn't let bull shit it get in the way. I'm sure they'll figure it out."_

The day of the big announcement started like any typical winters day. It was quite slippery and Tanya kept calling me and telling me what she thought I should wear. Sometimes she acted like I was some child that didn't know how to make choices.

Clearly she was right.

Me and Emmett where out doing some last minute Christmas shopping when Rosalie called him and told him that Tanya and her where on their way to Her parents house to drop off something's and if he could pick her up. When we first pulled up and started walking towards the front door we could here yelling. I could here Rosalie and Tanya but there was someone else. Me and Emmett looked at each other with a question glance when it Emmett said "that's Bella" I went to see if the door was unlocked and it was we walked in with out making any sound apparently because as they where throwing every type of accusation they fail to realize that we were standing right there.

Something about letters and Bella wanting Emmett. Even to me that sounded stupid. Once they started on that Emmett couldn't take it anymore and started questioning Rosalie on what exactly was going on. I my self wanted to know what exactly was the problem.

They started going on about a letters that were sent from Bella. I had to point out that the fact that even though they are stepsisters they never really speak to each other. Once Emmett made it perfectly clear that Bella has never crossed the line with him bella started questioning the fact that I stopped being her friend.

"_What did she tell you six years ago? Because now things are starting to make sense on to why you changed with me." _she asked. The look on her face I started to feel a little light headed.

"_She knew how I felt about you. But told me that you didn't feel the same way. She's the one that told me about you and Jake sleeping together. I…I was heart broken." _I told her. It was all working in my head now.

"_So, like Rosalie you believed her instead of asking me? It hurt, Edward that one day you were one of my best friends and from one day to another it was gone. Funny history is repeating it self." _she glances at Rosalie and you can see the disappointment in her eyes for both of us. Her two best friends at one point who let someone else destroy our friendship.

"_Isabella, please stop denying it. You slept with Jake I saw you." _Tanya accused.

And what came out of Bella's mouth next made me want to die.

"_Not, that this is anybodies business but my own but the fact that I'm still a virgin pretty much tells you that I have not been with anybody. That's including Jake."_

Did she just say she was a virgin? I think I said something because they all looked at me. Bella went on to explain that like Emmett, Jake was just like a brother and that she has never been with anybody like that. Tanya started going on about Bella something or other. I was so pissed off that whatever she was saying wasn't really registering. I had to tell her to stop and I then I asked her if everything she has ever told me was a lie when it regarded Bella.

" _I did what I had to do to get you before you realized that she was in love with you. Hell, you can still see it in the way she looks at you its pathetic really."_

What? But before I was able to question it Bella spoke

"_No, the pathetic one here is you Tanya. I don't care what happens with all of you. Marry each other be best friends for the rest of your lives. I just don't care. But just leave my name out of your fucken mouth" _

I automatically said "_Nobody is marring anybody." _

I couldn't marry her after everything that just happened . She single handedly has tried to make Bella's life unbearable. And I played into her plan.

Tanya lost it when I made that announcement and attacked Isabella. As she was trying to get out of there. Emmett was able to grab Tanya and I was able to grab Isabella and pull them apart. During the commotion chief swan showed up and question what was going on. Once we informed him about Tanya attacking Isabella he took her right out of there. Once Isabella told him she just wanted to leave.

I couldn't even look at Tanya I would never physically hurt a woman but at that moment I couldn't trust myself. Rosalie kept going on about the damn letters but at that point Emmett and myself where already walking out that house.

"_I cant stay here bro, this town is to small and Rosalie and Tanya are the last two people I want to see during Christmas" _Emmett said while sitting back on the couch and staring at the ceiling.

"_I know what you mean. We should go to New York, get an early start on some of the projects "_

"_that's not a bad idea. I just need to get the fuck out of Forks. I cant even believe the shit I heard today. Poor Bella I cant believe all this shit."_

"_yeah….I know" _I muttered. You could hear the regret the guilt in those few words.

"_Bro, don't feel too bad Tanya is a manipulative bitch. You are a good person who believed her that's how you are you never think bad about people."_

"_I would agree with you but the fact of the matter that the first bad thing Tanya said about Bella I believed it. I never questioned it I just believed it."_

"_it will get better you'll see. At least you didn't marry the crazy bitch. that's a plus in all this mess." _

Emmett had a point at least I didn't marry her. But that doesn't change the fact that the one person I do love will probably never forgive my stupidity_. _A couple of days later we were New York bound. Our parents understood why we had to leave. I had just ended things with Tanya and I just didn't want to see her. Emmett told Rosalie that they needed a break. She tried talking him out of leaving but he stood his ground and told her he needed time to think about everything.

New York was much the same weather wise to Forks cold. We had Christmas dinner with each other and got really pissed off when we realized that the presents we had bought our former significant others were already with them.

"_What do you want to do for New Years bro? I think we should go out and live it up. You know a couple of good looking guys" _Emmett said while hitting his chest like he was a gorilla.

Although he sounded like he wanted to 'live it up' I knew how miserable he was. _"No, I don't feel like doing much I just want to hang here its cool."_

"_yeah, your right. We should just watch something and chill. Maybe starting the new year peaceful will be good."_

So, we did just that sat around and watched guy movies and ate pizza. Since we were in the east cost we decided to wait for it to be midnight in the west coast to make our phone calls. Of course my mom and dad called our time and that was nice of them. I actually fell asleep when I felt Emmett shoving me to wake up.

"_what?"_

"_its midnight in Washington lets text Alice, she will hand us our asses if we don't call her or text her. Mom told me she was going to be with Bella since Jasper went to Texas."_

Emmett sent Rosalie a text message and he called Alice. They spoke while I guess she was trying to text jasper in Texas.

"_Here bro your turn to talk to Ali, I'm hitting the john_." Emmett said while tossing the phone to me.

"_hey Ali hap-"_

"_HAPPY NEW YEAR!" _she yelled into the phone.

"happy new years Ali"

"_your new year started the moment you dumped that stupid bit-" I had to cut her off._

"_Ali, can we not do that right now?" _I said frustratingly/

" _Sorry. Well I wish I could talk more but Jazz is trying to call. I love you. Bye"_

"_by-" _she hung up before the words were out of my mouth.

Emmett got out of the bathroom and said he was going to bed. I was going to hand him back his phone but it occurred to me that he has Bella's phone number. I went through his phone book and found her cell phone number. I just wanted to wish her a happy new year. I quickly stored the number in my phone and I sent her a message.

_**I hope that this year is the beginning off all good things for you. You deserve the best. Happy New Year Bella**_

I knew she would not know it was from me. I didn't care I just needed to let her know that she does deserve all good things. After sending her the message I went to bed. Around eight in the morning I hear the door bell buzzing insistently. Both my brother and I come out of our rooms.

"_who the hell is here so early. What the fuck_." Emmett complaints.

"_I don't know. Let me open you'll probably try to beat them or something." _I managed to say while yawning.

When I get to the door I look out the peep hole. There is no way I thought to my self

"_Fuck!" _

"_Who is it?" _Emmett asked.

"_Tanya" _I half whispered_._

"_What the fuck is she doing here?" _

"_I KNOW YOUR IN THERE. OPEN THE DOOR EDWARD!" _

"_Is she seriously doing this right now? What the fuck is that broads problem shit tell her to go to hell bro."_

"_IF YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW IM GOING TO START TO MAKE A COMOTION!" she yelled again. _

"_What the fuck does she think she's doing now? Handle her Eddie I'm going back to bed." _Emmett said has he slammed his bedroom door shut.

Before she started to make anymore noise I open the door and told her to get in.

"_what the fuck are you doing here?"_

"_what do you mean what the fuck Edward im your girlfriend and you just take off to new York without telling me."_

"_WE. ARE. NOT. TOGHETHER!"_

"_Its not the first time we break up we always get back together. This is just a little bump on the road. I can wait on the engagement. that's no problem"_

"_like always you talk and talk but you don't listen. This is over. This is not a bump in the road this is the road that is closed. I am not changing my mind. What you have done is inexcusable. I don't care how much you want to swear up and down that you did it because you love me. The truth is I don't love you. that's nobodies fault that's just what it is."_

"_Your just mad, you don't mean it I kn-" _I had to cut her off I have had enough.

"_I mean it now more than ever. You to leave now"_

Since her little impromptu visit to New York I have not seen or heard from her until yesterday. Once again I found myself pulling Bella back from the fight they got into in the party supply store. It was round two but this time Bella didn't not let her self. Emmett grabbed Tanya once again and kept her in the front of the store while I took a kicking and screaming Bella to the back. Once I got her to calm down some I let her go. I was checking her eye and her hand when I swear there was a moment.

Maybe it was wishful thinking. But I think she could read my body or something because I saw so many questions lingering in her eyes. I felt myself move in closer but Emmett came looking for me because Tanya was making a spectacle out front.

Like always I had to calm her ass down until Chief swan came and handcuffed her and put her on the back of the cruiser. She started to get hysterical at that point. I was trying to reach her parents so they know where she was going to be at. Next thing I know Bella is no longer there and Tanya is being taken by the Chief.

Now I'm finally almost at the meadow. I did notice while I passed Bella's house that her truck was there. I wanted to go and check up on her, but I don't want her to get upset with me. I heard something as I got nearer and nearer to the opening. I could see the morning sun shining through and I noticed someone crawling.

Is that who I think it is? In all the times I would come here nobody knew of this place. Shocked a little that my place is no longer mine.

"_Bella? Is that you?"_

**_A\N:_**

**_trueloveafterall has beta'd chapters 1-5 for me those are updated and she has made them much better. in fixing all the mistakes and adding little things here and there that just helped the story out._**

**_i really do want to know what you think about this chapter. Chapter 14 is ready i will be posting it on its schedule day which is Thursaday. Also i wanted this story to wrap up in 20 chapters but some how that is just not going to happen so i think it might be a few more than that. _**

**_i have this other story that i am starting called All the Days After its about a recently widowed 31 year old Edward and a 18 year old bella. i hope to have chapter one ready to go soon. _**

**_Thank you for reading review if you must._**


	15. Chapter 15

**trueloveoverall beta'd **

**Disclaimer: Didn't Dream it. Don't own it.**

Chapter 14: "Secrets are made to be found out with time"-Charles Sanford

"Why are you crawling?" he asked confusingly. I don't want to explain that I hurt my ankle.

_Shit why is he even here? Was he following me? Great, the last thing I need today is his ass here._

"I…um dropped something? I was looking for it and it probably fell on the way up here" I said sounding convincing. At least to me anyway.

"Oh, I can help you look if you want?" he says as he kneels down next to me, "what exactly are we looking for?" he asks as he starts looking down at the ground.

The one time in my life when I really don't want him to be near me, he is at every fuckin turn.

_Why is he up here? And most importantly how the fuck does he know about this place?_

"You know what it doesn't matter" I say as I discreetly sit back down.

"Are you sure?" he asked still searching the grass.

"Yeah, positive it's something Renee gave me so it doesn't matter that much." I said sitting up a little.

"Well if you say so. I take it things between you two are still the same" he asks. As he sits right in front of me with his knees up to his chest and his arms crossed over them.

_Why is he up here?_

"Why are you here?" _Shit did I just say that out loud?_

"Well I could ask you the same thing. I thought I was the only one that knew about this spot. I use to come here a lot during High School."

That's funny I don't ever remember him talking about this place.

"You never mentioned it before?"

"Oh, that's because I didn't find it until" he looks off to the side and lowers his voice "we stopped being close"

Ha. That's how he remembers it 'stop being close' does he realize how dumb he sounds saying that to me.

"Oh, you mean when you decided that whatever bull shit story came out of Tanya's mouth was the word of God." I said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I guess I deserve that" he states looking straight at me. With his perfect green eyes that make this dull color of winter around us disappear. His kept his hair short. But I prefer it longer.

_Why am I thinking about his hair? _

Oh, brother I need to get out of here. Shit. Stupid foot.

"Bella, I have been wanting to clear up a lot of things with you. And you have every right to not want to listen or give me a chance. I get it" yeah he gets it but why do I have a feeling it won't matter and that he is still going to try and feed me some bullshit.

"But I just want you to know a few things and I'm not asking for anything else. Especially not your forgiveness"

Ok, he has my attention, unless his trying that reverse psychiatry. He is a tricky one with his eyes and hair. He has this whole "I want to save the world but I was with this dumb bitch for so long" naïve thing.

"Fine I guess this is as good of time as any" I tell him. I just want to get this shit over with.

"Before we get into all of that; how are you feeling? I see the eye is looking better."

I wonder how Tanya's nose is doing. I hope she got two black eyes. This reminds me that I have to call Leah and thank her for the kick boxing lessons she taught me.

"As you can see a little love and care and it only looks like a five year old got a good shot." I give him a small smirk.

Her unsaid name is lingering and tension starts to build its way around us. Even if we are outdoors I feel like I need air.

"So, go for it I don't have all day." I sound annoyed and I don't care.

"Right. Of course not" now he sounds all nervous. He clears his throat and picks up a small rock that was right next to his left foot and starts playing with it. "Where to start?" He asks himself.

"What do you want to tell me that wasn't said back in December in my mother's house?" I ask. I was going to let him say his piece and be done with it but his looking like a lost child.

He looks up at me again losing interest in the damn rock he has on his hand and looks me straight in the eyes again. I see someone who is trying to free words unspoken. I see determination.

"Bella, there are a lot of things I regret when it come to the way I treated you over the last six years."

"You would have to have interacted with me to treat me a certain way. You completely made believe I didn't exist." now I sound bitter.

He told me a little about their or I mean his college years, about how they were actually on and off. I vaguely remember when Tanya would pop up every once and a while and talk about how much she missed the parents and all this bull shit. Renee always tried to pawn her on me on the weekends. Needless to say I avoided coming to Forks when Tanya was back.

If I did end up with Edward, I wouldn't have just become Miss Susie Home Maker. This is not the 1920's where the men are the ones that got the education,She never went to college. What was her plan? That's right to marry her wealthy boyfriend.

He was going on and on about all the things that she would do or say. "She was jealous of you. She knew that I loved you and I never kept it from her. But she never gave up on me loving her back."

Did he just say love? When Tanya said something about him being in love with me I just took it as one of her crazy ass stories she was creating in her crazy mind. But he just admitted to me without hesitation, without looking away and without doubt in his voice that he loved me.

Was he referring to past tense or is this still a feeling for him?

Why do I care? _I don't._

Something about the longest break up got me back to listening to whatever the hell he was going on about.

"She was a nice girl. I mean she was so different from Tanya. Physically and internally, she…. she reminded me a lot of you." When he said that he looked uncomfortable, " we actually dated for a little bit. It was nice, _she_ was nice. Tanya found out about her, she saw a picture and flipped. Started going on about the only reason I dated her was because she looked like you." I could barely hear him when he said that last part.

Did he just admit to dating someone because she looked like me?

My brain is at a standstill. What do I say to something like that? Should I be flattered? should I be afraid? I don't know. Now I really wish my foot was better I just wanted to bolt and clear my head.

I stayed silent. He obviously takes that as a cue to keep going.

"At the time that I dated her, I didn't realize that she did in fact look a lot like you. I mean I saw the brown hair and brown eyes but to me it didn't mean anything. When Tanya pointed it out I realized that my feelings for you just never changed. Always the same." He was avoiding eye contact. He was embarrassed that he just pretty much confessed that he dated some girl because she looks like me.

Was that considered weird or sweet?

I need to stop.

"Look Edward, I appreciate the history lesson and all but besides the fact that you obviously have a thing for girls with brown hair and at one point of your life you thought you loved me but believed everything Tanya said. I think this conversation is over."

I just wanted to get out of there.

"No, it's not over. No I didn't think I loved you either. Yes I believed Tanya I was a seventeen year old boy that had no clue in how to handle shit." he said getting frustrated. "You deal with teenagers everyday now. Hell you where one not that long ago. You should know that the emotions are ten times more. The love is ten times more. The heart break is ten times more. When she told me you and Jake where together, that broke my heart. I couldn't handle it; I admit that I separated myself from you because to me at that time I was doing a little self preservation.

Did I act like a total ass hole? Yes, I won't argue with you on that. Could I have handled it better? Of course.

At twenty three, if the woman I love had found love with someone else I would want her to be happy. I would want what's best for her. I would want her in my life no matter if she was with me or not. Yes, Bella we could write down all the things I did wrong as a seventeen year old boy. But I'm trying to do the right things as a twenty three year old man."

I wanted to respond but at the moment I had nothing.

"For the record I. Still. Love. You." He said each word with so much emphasis. "I have never stopped. Although, I know you won't believe me because I was so wrapped up on the lies that Tanya told me. But I just needed you to know at least once how much you effect my life. Even if I was three thousand miles away you where a constant in my mind and my heart. I don't care if people judge me and question my decisions. Hell I have trouble making heads or tails out of my mess of a life. But if there is something I am sure about is my love for you. Don't think I am living in this bubble where I think there is a slight chance you ever felt for me what I feel for you. I also know that even if you ever felt that, the fact is I was with your step-sister and that alone is a deal breaker."

"I….I…don't know what to say." It's the truth. "I mean what do you want me to do with this information?" I sound lost. My voice is even .

"I know that's probably the last thing you were expecting. But I have been holding that in for a long time. I needed you to know even if this is the last time you ever want to speak to me."

I hear the sincerity in his voice. I see the heart break in his eyes. How do I know? It's like looking in the mirror. I have been there. Hell I am _still_ there!

Where do we go from here?

He still loves me. That alone is too much to handle. This is too much, just too much.

"This is too much for me right now. I can't ….what do you want from me?" I ask again.

"I want to know if there was a time where you loved me."

There it is. He wants to know. Why should it matter. He was with Tanya for so long the thought still turns my stomach. I decide that he was honest and the fact is that because neither one of us spoke up we find our self's in this mess.

"There was a time Edward that the sun and moon rose and went down on your presence alone. There was a time where the happiness that was in my life was because you were in it. There was a time where I felt that I didn't need anything else but you. But in a blink of an eye there was a time when I cried every day, I hurt, and I physically couldn't go on because my best friend wasn't there. You never saw me kiss or be intimate with anybody. I did. Do you know how much I hurt when you two became this super couple? My own mother…. Ha, my own mother would tell me I needed to find a "nice boy like Edward' do you know how it felt? I know you believed everything she said but the fact is even if all the things she said where true you should have been there as a friend. So, to answer your question simply yes there was a time where I could say I loved you."

I didn't realize that tears where dragging down both my cheeks. The biggest surprise was there were tears on his face as well.

"I get it. The award for the biggest asshole and dumb ass goes to me. I knew that telling you this wasn't going to change a thing. Hell if I were you I would hate me. I, I just wanted you to know that even if this love that I still have for you isn't meant to be I wish you nothing but the best.

I can now tell you that you, Isabella Marie Swan, deserve a man that will put you on a pedestal and no matter how many stones are thrown he will be able to keep you there. Where no one will touch you, where you are treated like the beautiful person you are. I hope that you find what you are looking for in friends and lovers.

Sometimes soul mates don't end up together. This life time was just not our time. Maybe in the next one I could look at you and know that your soul is the purest of them all and I would be so lucky if you would love me back." He wipes off his tear filled face and kneels right in front of me.

"What are you doing?" I whisper.

His hands are now cupping my face on each side and his looking at me with such a heart breaking expression. He is pleading with me.

"Let me just be selfish one more time… please?" he asks as he leans in and gently kisses me.

His soft lips gently sucked on my bottom one. I could feel my whole body alive. This is what I wouldn't be able to have. I kiss him back because at that moment it's just me and him.

I start to cry again while we are still connected. I keep my eyes closed as I felt him separate from me. I couldn't bare to look at him. It hurt too much.

"I could tell my mom that the whole Tanya episode has you in no mood to be planning this party or I could just head back to New York. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. Whatever you want I will do." He says I feel his gaze looking down at me. But I don't have the energy or the courage open my eyes yet..

"I don't want her to be upset with me and you should be here for your sister's party."

"Mom, won't be upset with you ever. If you miss Alice's birthday because of me, she will kill me. She is use to me not being here."

I want to tell him no, don't go. I want to wrap around him and be with him. I want to love him. But I know better.

"ok" I whisper.

I feel his presence retreating away from me.

"Bella, I know you probably don't want to hear any more from me but before I leave I just want you to know that I understand if we could never be friends. That is probably worse then never being with you in an intimate level. Sorry for everything I was unable to do right."

I still had my eyes closed. That didn't stop from the tears from just keep falling dragging down my face. I finally talked myself to take one more look at him but when I opened my eyes he was already gone.

**IC**

I don't know how long I sat there in the meadow after Edward left. I still was somewhat in shock off all the things he said and did.

Yeah that kiss was simple and perfect. It wasn't let me jam my tongue down your throat. It was one of those kisses that doesn't show you everything but tells you so much more. For the first time I felt and believed that he loved me.

What could I do with that? Nothing, I would come off looking like the evil step sister that stole the perfect boyfriend from the perfect daughter. Yeah, see how I'm still losing here. The guy loves me but it doesn't matter. He might be right on the whole soul mate thing. As cheesy as it sounds.

Standing up unsteadily I try to slowly put some weight on my foot. It hurts like a bitch but I am able to hold on to trees all the way down the path. Usually what takes me ten minutes takes me an hour on how slow I am going. The whole way down I want to scream and shout and hit Tanya all over again.

The way we all played into her plan, but I am a full believer in karma and she can be a bitch. I wished I could stay in the meadow forever where no one could find me. Well for the exception of one person. If it wasn't for the fact that life had a way of separating us I would think destiny had other plans. Now who sound like the cheese ball.

I finally hit the bottom of the woods and I can see the side of my house come in to view. Thank god! My foot feels like lead and I already know I have to ice it and elevate it so it won't get any worse.

Geez. I just need a dog to pee on me so this week could end on a high note.

Only a few more yards and I can be inside the house. I should call Leah and Jake and get there take on all this mess I call my life. But of course I have spoken to soon thinking this week couldn't get any worse when I spot my mother's car pulling up and parking right in front of my house.

Fuck.

Can't I just catch a fucking break for once?

**A/N**

**Thank you again for those who reviewed last chapter. So, some or most of you still hate edward. i get it ..i do. Just want to thank all of you for reading my little story and giving me your opinions on it. its greatly appreciated. **

**Thanks for reading/review if you must. (i like to know what you think.)**

**p,s,**

**off topic...robert has been looking goooood on his movie set. sorry just had to put that out there. i love him...obviously.. **

**see ya next Thursday.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Beta: trueloveoverall. she has her own story One of the Guys. check out her spunky tomboy Bella. its really a cute story check it out.**

**Disclaimer:Didn't dream it. Dont own it.**

Chapter 15: "Its so funny how the people who know the least about you, have the most to say"-Unknown Author

"Before you start whatever lecture you're here to give me. Let me get some ice for my ankle." I tell my mother who looks not to happy with me. Hmm, I wonder why? I hobbled my way to the kitchen and get an ice pack that is in the freezer. I wobble back to the living room and set my foot up on the coffee table with the couch pillow under it so I can elevate it and I place the ice pack on top. While I'm getting comfortable I can see my mother getting madder.

Oh well.

"ok, now that I'm all good and comfy you can start." I say.

Renee opens and closes her mouth a few times. Apparently she doesn't know where to begin.

Just great, I can see it is going to be another one of those conversations. Didn't I just have one a few hours ago?

"First of all Isabella Marie Swan, where have you been all morning? I have been calling the house phone and your cell phone." She says sounding irritated.

"Well, mother I went for a hike on said hike I twisted my ankle. " I motion to my ankle just like a model. "I rested and waited to hike back down slowly and that took some time. As you can see my ankle looks pretty bad. So, you can't say that I am lying because well I am not."

"Fine, I will take that as a valid reason for not answering the phone. But that is the least of my problem with you Isabella."

"Can you just get on with it. I really do have things to do today."

"That tone of voice, that blunt disrespect towards me is just one of my problems. I don't know if you have forgotten Isabella but I am your mother. And as such I should be treated as one." She tells me as she as pacing the small living room. "The problem is not only the way you're treating me. The situation is with your sister is embarrassing! What is going on with you?" She said accusingly.

It would surprise me if she questioned her actions. But no like always it's my doing if something is not flowing right in her perfect made up world. This woman is even more unbearable than Tanya. At least I could understand why the girl hates me, but my mother is a mystery at this point. I don't know what crawled up her ass and made her into this complete cold hard bitch towards me. Yeah, she might be right about the lack of respect I have for her at the moment. But nobody can blame me the woman is madding.

"You know what, why do you come here to my home and accuse me? Me? How did this 'situation' become something I created? Have you asked Tanya what the hell is going on?"

"Isabella, you don't even sound remorseful at the fact that you broke her nose. Or that put her in jail."

"I broke her nose? Really? By any chance do you have pictures" I sound a little too happy for Renee's liking because she glares at me.

"Isabella this is serious you should see her. She was inconsolable as we not only had to bail her out we had to take her to the hospital."

"What can I clear up for you? I could tell you that she attacked me, again! I could tell you she is the reason me and Rosalie aren't friends. I could tell you that she is the reason me and Edward are in this messed up place between us. I could tell you how you and I don't have a mother/daughter relationship because god knows what kind of crap she's told you about me. I could tell you all that, but lets me honest are you going to believe it? I'll answer that for you. No you will not because to you she is the second coming. When in reality Renee she's a beer can short of a six pack. So if I were you and Phil I would seriously look into some good psycho therapy because she is well over due."

I don't think I have ever seen that particular look on her face. It was a mix of disbelief and shock. Yeah, it was almost priceless. She wanted to talk well today has become the day of let's get all the shit out in the open day.

"I can't believe you are speaking to me like that. Are you going through some nervous breakdown? I don't want my family's name being dragged through the mud because of this."

"See, Renee that's what I don't get. I have tried to figure you out the last few years. You left my father and this 'god forsaken town' because of the small town mentality. I remember you always telling me how you couldn't live in a place in where everybody was involved in every bodies else's business. But here we are and you are worried about what this town folk think. What happened to you?" I ask her. I sound a little smug in my rant but oh well.

"What happened to me? I grew up Isabella. I was so young when I had you and married your father. He is a good man and he deserves someone who will appreciate him. I was not that woman. But I grew up into an adult with Phil. I am sorry you can't except who I have become."

"yeah, the idea of having a step ford wife as my mother is as appealing as a root canal annd you know what? You are right about something. My father does deserve someone that appreciates the person he is. He has been my father and mother for so long that you have slowly become a non factor in my life."

"Really? I don't even know who you are right now. This is not the daughter I raised." she said as she looked at me disappointedly, "but you know what? Right now I am more concerned about this Tanya, Isabella, and Edward love triangle? We can deal with whatever issues you have with me later."

There is a surprise; she's putting the problem with Tanya first than the problem with me and her. Not surprised. Not at all.

"There is no love triangle. So stop being so dramatic about it. I don't know what she has told you but whatever it is she's lying. If you don't believe me then you can ask Edward. I have actually talked that subject out so I'm done for today regarding that situation."

"For your information, the one that told me about this situation was Edward himself."

Ok, I didn't see that one coming at all.

"When did he tell you?"

She looks down at her watch, "Like an hour ago. He came to see Tanya and they got into a big argument. He started to tell her he did not want to see her again and something about him being in love with you. I'm not sure what happened there but I need to know what you did to break them up?"

"I didn't do anything. If you haven't noticed those two broke up a few months ago. He didn't tell you anything you haven't overheard in a conversation. So, if you want to know so badly go ask your daughter. I'm actually surprised that the daughter that runs to you with her problems hasn't informed you that Edward is done with her." I really am done taking about this for today.

"Isabella after he left she did come to me and told me everything. I just was trying to give you the opportunity to give me your side of what has happened." she tells me as she sits down in Charlie's recliner. "but I blame myself for this mess." she states.

We couldn't have her blaming Tanya now could we?

"I always told you that you should find someone one like Edward Cullen. In my defense Isabella when I told you to find someone like Edward I never meant Edward himself."

Did she just jump to the conclusion that I did infect snatch him up? I start laughing. Full blown laugh. I can see the confusion on her face.

"You came here to get my side of the story, but you already decided that I'm guilty. Wow, you do realize you just called me a ho right. I mean for you to think I went after him is even low for you." The whole time I have kept my temper in check. But this, is just the last straw with her. "You can leave now." I tell her as I point to the front door.

"What do you want me to think? You don't tell me anything. I came here to see what your side of things are but you are avoiding the question. What do you want me to think?" She asks me as her voice gets louder.

"What I want you to think Renee is the best of your daughter. I want you to know that even if you suck as a parent I had one that was incredible. Charlie did a great job ok. You don't see it or believe it frankly is your problem. Again, I am done here you can get out now." I said sternly.

"You can't speak to me like this Isabella; I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with you. I can't believe the person you are. Who takes her stepsisters boyfriend of six years. Six years and not only that but you get physical and break her nose. I don't know what to say, but you need help. Stop trying to pin this on Tanya and take responsibility of your own actions. You should see how heartbroken that girl is. Do you even have a heart? We are family and you are acting like nothing has happened."

"Do you see my eye?" I point it out. "She did that I had every right to defend myself. Read the police report there are witnesses to back me. Oh yeah including an Edward Cullen who by the way told Tanya in high school, and listen carefully here Renee, in high school that he was in love with me. She goes on and tells him all these lies. Lies came out on the open when she got Rosalie believing all her bull shit. Now, I don't care if you believe me or not you can get the hell OUT OF HERE!."

Before she could reply to me. Charlie walked in.

"What the hell is going on in here?" he asks looking between me and Renee.

"Charles, I don't know what you're going to do regarding Isabella's behavior but she has been nothing but disrespectful since I got here. She just kicked me out."

"Renee, I can't do noting regarding my twenty two year old daughters behavior. She is a grown woman. I can't believe Bells being disrespectful without having good reason." He tells my mother in his vary relax tone. I love that man.

"Charles as the parents we should be on the same side. You are condoning this behavior and this animosity she has built against me?"

"Take responsibility for your own behavior Renee. What did you expect? You have been comparing one daughter to the other. And somehow my baby is the one that always needs to learn something from that- girl."

"All I've ever wanted is Isabella to be the best that she could possibly be."

"I think she's perfect being herself. So now Renee my daughter wants you to leave and so do I." He tells her as he starts leading her to the front door.

I break down. Once again I didn't think I had any more tears left from earlier. I just don't want to think about anything else. I hear the door close and my father is walking around the coffee table to sit next to me.

"You didn't find that the black eye and the soar hand enough you had to go and hurt your ankle to?" He smiles while putting his arm around me. I lean in and place my head on his shoulder.

"I went hiking and well here I am." I say as my tears are down my face again.

"I know you're not crying because of your mother, do you want to talk about any of it?"

"Not right now. I am actually all talked out. Thank you for telling her what you did." I look up at him and give him a forced smile.

It's so easy with him. I stay quiet and there is silence. I wish that would work with some of the people I have had to deal with recently. We stay in the couch for the rest of the afternoon. He gets me a fresh ice pack and orders some Chinese food that he picks up. Tells me that he bumped in to Jake and he would be showing up soon. I call Leah and tell her to get her ass to my house.

Once Jake and Leah show up they ask all questions possible. I answer some and some I just refuse to talk about. Leah tells me to not worry about anything and that I should consider going to L.A. for the summer with her.

"Bella, it'll be sweet. My father and his skank of a wife our lending me their beach house. You have to see it. Its sick, right on the boardwalks of Venice beach come on you don't have to worry about shit but getting your ass on a plane."

It's not a bad idea. Hell a little sun and fun is more than welcomed with the year I been having so far. I have time to think about it there is a few months until summer break.

"Best part is my little brother Seth is going to be there. He goes to USC and I think you two would hit it off."

"Leah let's not start the whole setting up thing. And Eww, our parents are dating for crying out loud. It's like incest." I informer her. There is more than just that from keeping me of thinking of Seth or anybody for that matter in any type of romantic way.

Edward. I have to stop myself from having my thoughts go there and most importantly I don't want to think about the kiss. The kiss that even though its been hours I can still feel in every cell in my body.

"Well my lovely ladies I'm out. Carli is waiting for me. Bells now Tanya _nose_ not to mess with you." Jake says while laughing at his own lame joke.

"That was as bad as anything Paul says. You should be ashamed." Leah tell him

"Ha, Ha Jake anyway, thanks for coming over and devoting sometime to your forgotten friends."

"You're making me feel bad. Am I becoming those people that just hang out with their girlfriend and forget everybody else?" He asks worriedly and pauses as he is walking out toward the door.

"I was just teasing you. I'm glad she makes you this happy. I never thought I see the day that Jacob Black would find a girl to settle with." I tell him walking over to pinch his cheeks.

"Hey Bells let's not jump the gun it's only been a few dates, but I must admit I have never felt this way before."

"Just leave already your making me sick." Leah tells him as she kicks him in the ass.

"Bells I will see you soon. Leah, I will try to see you least as possible." with that he walks out the door to be with his girlfriend.

Leah, hung around a little bit longer and helped me up the stairs to my room. Charlie was off with Sue doing whatever it is those two crazy kids do. Around ten at night I was alone in my bed when I received a text message. I didn't recognize the number but I open it up.

**There are no good-byes, where ever we are, you'll always be in my heart**

**A/N**

**yeah...that last line cheesey ...oh well. this was a short chapter but next one will most likely be long. so it should balance its self out.**

**i just want to thank all those who have favored or alerted this little story. All of you that have reviewed thank you once again. its fun reading what you think. **

**Thank you for reading. Review if you must.**

**See ya next Thursday hopefully.**


	17. Chapter 17

**trueloveoverall beta'd. thank you**

**didnt dream it dont own it**

Chapter 16: "All our dreams can come true...if we have the courage to pursue them."- Walt Disney

"Hey Josh, how is it going?"

"Fine, Miss Swan"

"Josh at this point you can call me Bella. This is what, the fifty second day in a row that I see you?"

"Actually it's the fifty third."

"Right, so any messages come with this one?

"No, not this one."

"But the color changed"

"Oh yeah, what color is it today?"

Josh, the flower delivery guy, slowly opens the long white box that contains one long stem rose. For the past fifty three days he has been at my door step at seven in the morning. The first day I was a little taken back when he just handed me the box. When I opened it; it held one long stem pink rose. I asked him who had sent them to me and he let me know that there was a card in the box. Before I opened it I went to grab my purse and give him a tip. That's when he informed me that the tip was already taken care of. With a have a nice day he was gone.

I sat down at the dining table and opened the box again and pulled out the rose. There was a sweet sent to it. It was a beautiful flower, but I was a little perplexed on to who might have sent it to me. I searched for the card and found it under the tissue paper the rose was wrapped in. I slowly opened it afraid that it would bite. It read:

_**Pink means happiness. Bella that's what you deserve and if I have to, I will spend every day of my life making sure you have that. I just want to show you that your happiness it's all that matters.**_

_**-Edward**_

To say I was confused is an understatement. I thought that we left things in a place where we both were going to move on from the whole situation. That would include not only the shit with Tanya but any feelings between us. Technically I never did admit to still being in love with him, but I guess it didn't matter since I keep receiving a rose every day.

He left the next day after our talk; Alice's birthday went off without a hitch. She loved the fact that we were able to surprise her with it. She was a little sad that Edward had to leave for an emergency regarding a project but over all she was happy. That's all that mattered.

Me and Renee, well that was another story. After she left with the help of Charlie kicking her basically out the door I have not heard nothing from her. She hasn't tried contacting me. That's fine; I have nothing to say to her anyway. I think last month I saw her in the store but she walked the other direction when she saw me. I really was over her shit. Phil tried calling a few weeks ago and reminded me that her birthday was in fact coming up.

"Bella, I know that right know things are a bit complicated, but it is your mother's birthday I would like for her to have a nice day. Having you there would mean so much to her." He told me over the phone.

"Phil, I don't know if you honestly don't have a clue about what's been going on since Christmas. Here is a reminder, your daughter attacked me, I broke her nose, and she is doing community service for the attack. I really don't understand what you're trying to do." I really didn't. I never had anything against Phil, he was nice enough I suppose but we never developed any relationship. He was Renee's husband I was Renee's daughter.

"I don't have ulterior motives here Bella. I just want my family to talk it out and make a mends. Well and since the problem was Edward and now he is gone we could start over."

"Phil, Edward was only a very small part of a big problem. You know what I don't have the time nor the patience to rehash all this. Sorry, but I can't. Have a nice day."

And that was that.

There was a yellow rose today.

I can hear my phone going off. It was my message tone. I ran up stairs and grabbed it from the night stand. There in fact was a text from Edward

**Yellow means friendship. **

It's not the first time he has send me a message. He has been doing that more and more often. Someday it's just a simple good morning or good night. Other days he sends me little quotes on life or love. I have yet to reply to any of them. It doesn't seem to stop him. The last month and a half I only got pink ones. Now it's yellow which means friendship. Ok, I guess his asking to be friends?

Does he think this is some grand gesture and I will give in?

**Don't over think it Bella. I just want us to be friends. We can start small, like you replying to my good mornings.**

He is such a pain in the ass.

I was too busy with the preparation of graduation to be worrying about being friends with Edward again or not.

It was a three days before graduation. All seniors had checked out mentally last Friday. For the next three days seniors just had to show up for four hours to practice and were able to go home. Alice decided that she rather hang out with me as I cleaned out my class room.

"Bellaaaa" Alice sang my name… this could not be good.

"What Alice?"

"I think you should go with me to New York for the summer." she said as she jumped up and down in front of me. She was already acting like I agreed.

"Hmmm… No."

"Why not?" She whinnied as she made an abrupt stop.

"Well I already have plans for the summer."

"You're lying, you never go anywhere." She told me as she narrowed her eyes at me.

"For your information Miss Cullen, I would not lie to you. I do have plans I'm going to be in L.A."

"What? With who?" She said still sounding skeptical.

"Leah, her father's wife is some rich lady that is lending her their beach house. It's right on the Venice beach. She showed me some pictures it looks amazing."

"Damn" she said under her breath. "Maybe…," she looked up at me with mischief in her eyes, "We could go to California instead. I mean we always go to the east coast. Plus it would be better for me since I'm staying in Washington."

"Hold up missy. It would be awesome to have you there but who is this 'we' you are speaking of?" I questioned her.

"Well Bella of course Mom, Dad, Jasper can meet me up there. He was going to meet me up in New York after he spends two weeks in Texas."

I had a feeling she was leaving certain people out of this list.

"So, you're telling me that nether of your brothers are joining you?"

"Bella we _were_ going to the east coast well to see Edward but he'll survive. Plus he wouldn't be able to take time off. He has been working on a big project that has been giving them a lot of headaches lately. So I doubt very much that he would leave it hanging."

I told Alice that I wasn't anybody to tell her where or where not to vacation. If she chose to hit up California that would be good. But I hope she's not trying to push things along between myself and her brother. She took off faster than lightning to go inform her parents that in fact she was changing their whole vacation destination.

**IC **

The good thing about small towns was that the graduating class was small; which meant that the ceremony wouldn't last too long. The whole thing lasted maybe an hour and a half. That's only because the valid Victorian decided to thank each student by name. You think they would want to get the hell out.

It wouldn't be graduation without the parties, but the only one that everybody was talking about was Alice's. Yeah, she wanted to throw a massive graduation party since her birthday party was the only thing kids were still talking about. She said she wanted to leave with a bang.

Esme and Carlisle had, the back yard set up like a beach. Blow up palm trees, lounge chairs and even a couple of tanning beds. Yep, they went all out as usual. Since the family vacation plans had changed, Alice decided to throw a California theme party last minute. She told me she needed to prepare herself for the real sand.

There were a lot of tiny bikinis on most of the girls. Boys sporting their board shorts. There were a few times that the teacher in me wanted to pull aside some of the groping teenagers that where more or less giving everybody a show in the pool.

Grabbing a drink with an umbrella I headed inside to where the temptation to give all the graduates detention would disappear. While walking to the games room, which was designated the adult's area, I noticed someone going in to the small room at the end of the hall. I remembered that that is where the washer and dryer where located.

The first thing that popped in my mind was that horny teenager was trying to get it in at the Cullen's house; yeah, not gonna happen while I'm there. I walked right in front of the door and tried the door knob to see if they locked it, but it turned with no problem at all. I opened the door slowly and saw the guy is wearing a backwards cap with LB on it. The next thing I notice is the lack of shirt and the blue board shorts that are just barely covering his ass crack, I'm not going to lie the guy's back was hot. It was toned and muscular just enough to let you know he worked out, I wondered how the front looked. I thought to myself.

Oh my god, what kind of an educator am I that I was just checking out a student!

Suddenly the boy turned around and pulled me in.

"What the hell-", as his arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me in. He closed the door and locked it, "what do you think you are doing?" I demanded.

"Bella, sorry I was just hiding from one of those teenage girls that decided that I was on her list of friend's older brothers she would like to fuck." Edward said.

It took me a minute to daze out of it. All toned with his pecks and his defined six pack. Oh my god I felt my face start to get warm. I needed to get out of here. The room was too small. Definitely too, too small.

"Ok, well good luck with that I have to go." I said as I was trying to go around him to reach the door. But he would just get right in front of me. If I tried to go one way or the other he was blocking me.

"Not funny…. move." I said with out looking at him.

"I'm not trying to be. I'm trying to talk to you."

"Not right now. Why is it you're always trying to talk?"

"Because there is a lot of shit unsaid between us." Edward said sadly and with a hint of desperation.

"I thought we handled this a few months ago in the meadow. What happened? What else can we possibly have to talk about?" I said sternly as I looked up at him.

Yeah, eyes where looking extra green and bright.

"Well, I know I said that I was not going to bother you and that I deserved you hating me. But I came to realize that if I did that Tanya wins."

I looked at him confusingly.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, my dearest Isabella" he said lowering his voice and moving closer. I was having a flash back of when we were in the party supply store. "Tanya wins if I don't fight for you, if we don't end up together. You know as well as me that me and you belong together." He sounded sure. I saw determination in his eyes and I had to take a step back. He took a step forward "I know you've received all the roses" he told me as his hand came up and his index finger started caressing my cheek. I took another step back. He took another step forward.

"You need to stop" I said but I heard the uncertainty in my own voice.

"Stop what? The love I have for you? Oh, Bella that's never going to stop" he said as he leaned in closer. I could smell the mint on his breath. I can feel the body heat jumping off of him.

"Don't say shit like that." I said as I closed my eyes and took one more step back. But my surprise, I was now in between the wall and Edward.

Great.

I felt his finger gently caressing up and down my arms. I wanted to stop him, at least I think I did, but he had me in this trance.

"Bella, I don't want to let you go. I know I said I would let you be happy with anybody but I know that I'm the only person that can make you happy. I know your going to bring up the whole Tanya thing but I won't let that get in the way of what I want, of what _we_ deserve. You have always and will always be what I want." He tells me, whispering the last part. I have my eyes closed but every time he moves his mouth I feel them on my skin as his lips float over me.

I don't know what happened but suddenly his got me up against the wall and somehow I have my legs wrapped around his waist. We were connected by the lips; this kiss is nothing like the one at the meadow. This kiss is desperate, almost animalistic, it's hard and there is teeth biting lips and our tongues were wrestling for dominance. At one point I tossed his hat and grabbed his hair needing him to be closer. Even with his body against mine and somehow it was not enough. I wanted more. He started to kiss down my neck. The feeling of his mouth and tongue on my neck was indescribable. He found my sweet spot and I melted even more than I thought I could. It was o good and yet there was nothing that I could do to get him closer to me.

Edward pulled me out of my Edward-induced-high by repeating my name in between the desperate kisses as he found his way back to my mouth.

"Bella" kiss "I love you so much" kiss "tell me this doesn't feel good." He panted in between the kiss I have come to crave.

"It feels right" I said as I bit his lower lip and pulled it.

"Edward, what is that noise?" There was a beeping sound

"It is just my phone ignore it" he told me as I felt him grab my ass and lift me up higher.

The friction we made was making me feel something new. I felt my panties moisten.

"Bella…

"hmmm"

"Bella…"

"Bella, wake up"

What the hell.

Where am I?

"Miss Swan, were you having a wet dream?" Leah's voice chimed in.

_Shit._

"What? I don't know what your talking about." I said as I sat up.

It everything was coming back to me. After the ceremony I came to take a nap. Leah was supposed to come pick me up to ride together to the Cullen's.

This isn't embarrassing at all.

I covered my face with both hands while Leah laughed at me.

"Bella, don't be embarrassed we all have them. Hell yours sounded good too with the way you were moaning Edward's name. Shit it almost got me all hot and bothered." She said sitting next to me.

"Hey I suggest you go change your panties before we go." She told me seriously.

I didn't say anything to her but headed up stares. I was changing my closet when I got a message.

**Just had the best dream. You were in it.**

.


	18. Chapter 18

**tureloveoverall beta'd there are no words to thank her.**

**didnt dream it dont own it.**

Chapter 17: "First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you."- Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald

"Bella, stop dwelling on it, just be thankful it was me who walked in. Can you imagine all that moaning and thrusting you where doing and it was Charlie instead?" Leah said mockingly as we drove to the Cullen house.

I felt so embarrassed.

I decided to wear some skinny jeans and a band t-shirt. School was out and really who cared how the former students saw me today. It's not like I was going to sit there and try to be one of them.

"So no word if Mr. Wet dream is flying in for this shindig?"

"Alice didn't mention anything. There is some big project they been having problems with so I don't think his going to be able to make it."

"Well, you never know. I mean that's his baby sister and well, we all know that he would do anything to see you again. It's a perfect scenario, you know to see you." she stated.

I never get into this conversation with Leah. She apparently has become Team Edward. I am still not too sure how that happened but whatever.

"Anyway, I hope that there is a different part of the house for non teens here. It would just be weird mingling about with my former students." I said as we pulled up to the Cullen house. The side walk was full of cars and we couldn't find a place to park.

Like always Alice called me to tell me that I was VIP and had privilege parking in there drive way.

"Thank god" Leah said, "I didn't feel like walking.

"I guess, lets just get this over with." I said totally not feeling like going to a party.

"What's wrong with you? Please don't tell me you're still thinking about your dirty dream. I already told you, there is nothing to be ashamed of." She said as she gave me her big old smile.

"Leah, you're the one that keeps bringing it up, not me, besides it's not that. I don't know, I just feel anxious for some reason." I said shrugging and getting out of my car.

"You're just thinking about Eddie but don't worry you will see him soon enough. If it's not today it's probably going to be over the summer when we go to California."

"First of all, I think you might have a thing for him, since you keep bringing him up. Not only am I not thinking about him but apparently he won't leave your mind. Also I -" she cut me off.

"Yeah, yeah whatever lets just drop this conversation and see if I can get me some barely legal cutie here." Leah said as she stepped out of the car. She was fixing her barely there dress.

Seriously what the hell? If she thought I was going to let her hit on my students she had another think coming. I rolled my eyes at her and she just gave me a smirk.

"Leah, I really hope you're kidding about the whole hooking up with someone." I turned to her with my most serious face.

"Miss Swan, do I ever kid around when it comes to the male species?"

"Leah, they are kids." I told her sternly.

"Bella, just tell me which ones are already eighteen, kay?" she said as she started walking towards the front door.

Esme greeted us as we entered the house. Letting us know that the kids, I looked at Leah saying yes the kids, were in the back yard and the adults would be inside for the evening. Leah just rolled her eyes and walked past me.

"Girls help your selves to some drinks." She winked and pointed to the bar. Leaning in on me and whispered into my ear "I have the red plastic cups, you know so you can drink with out feeling weird"

"Yeah, that would be helpful, hey were my students just a few hours ago."

She just smiled at me and told us to make our selves at home. She was off to keep an eye on the kids. "You know how they could get." she said and she was off.

There were a lot of people there, both outside and inside. All the adults resided on the inside talking and drinking. A lot of their family from out of state was there as well. A lot of them I had never met. Leah was being good in staying in the adult side but I would catch her glancing over to the kitchen area where the sliding door was and you could see all the teenagers in there bathing suits.

A few times she would just pull my arm and ask how old a kid would be. I told her to stop it and that even if they are eighteen I was not about to help her hook up with them. Telling me I was no fun, she pouted away and decided to grab us some drinks.

"Here," she said while sticking a red plastic cup in front of me, "drink this, its going to make you loosen up a little"

"Are you trying to slip me something, cause if you are I have to remind you that my father is the chief of police." I said questioningly at her. I was not joking either.

"Bella, just taste it, its good I promise."

"What's in it?" I questioned. It looked green.

The last time Jake gave me something blue and I didn't ask what it was I couldn't remember where I've left my car the next morning.

"Yeah, green you know your favorite color." She said with a smirk on her face.

There she went again, always bringing him up without bringing him up.

What am I going to do with her?

"Would I ever let anything bad happen to you?"

"I would hope not."

"Bella, just drink it. It'll help you relax. You've been so tense since we got here, just have some fun."

I guess she was right. I was kind of acting like a Debbie downer. So, I proceeded to drink the green concoction. It wasn't half bad; the first cup I took my time on, by the third cup I was downing them. Not the best idea mind you, but I wanted to feel good. I'm not a crazy drunk and I certainly don't start stripping or dancing on tables.

I was starting to feel all tingly inside and warm, Leah must have known because she just gives me a big ol' smile.

"Bella, are you feeling good?"

"Yeah, good" I said while bringing the cup back to my lips and drinking the last of it.

"I bet…. hey we've been here for an hour and a half and you haven't gone and seen Alice."

"Shit, your right fuck" I quickly got up to my feet and suddenly I felt dizzy. Feeling like I was about to just tip over. Someone caught me to balance me out.

"Hey there Miss are you ok?" a male voice said right next to my ear.

I turn my neck over my shoulder and I find my self looking at green eyes..

_Pretty green eyes_. I thought to myself

"Thank you, they run in the family" he tells me.

_Did I say that out loud_.

"Sorry, they just reminded me of…."

"Bella lets go, Thanks dude" Leah tells him while pulling me towards the sliding door that leads to the back yard. I look back to find the green eyed stranger looking at me and raising his glass of whatever he was drinking at me.

Huh….

"BELLA! You finally remembered to get your ass back here. Mom told me you got here a while ago, but she wouldn't let me go inside. Something about trying to sneak alcohol. She's being paranoid…anyway Ahhhh! Are you having fun?" Alice asked as she jumps up and down and hugs me.

Well she's excited.

"Congratulations Bad Ass Cullen and boyfriend" Leah told her as she half hugged both Alice and Jasper.

"Thanks Leah, I'm glad you were able to make it. Are you having fun?"

"Yeah, but I think I would be having more fun over here with the younger crowed. Oh and if you can point out the men from the boys that would be great."

Alice laughed at Leah's request. I don't think she took her seriously but never the less she started calling over all the eighteen year old boys. It was out of my hands at this point. I just stood there as Leah flirted with the boys.

I had a lot of my students come up to me and give me hugs. They told me they where going to miss me and that made me tear up. I really did like my kids they were a great bunch this year. I never had one that made my life imposable.

Eyeing the table in the corner with two empty chairs, I strolled over there while Leah drifted in and out of my ear shot of cubs and cugars. I didn't even want to know.

"Lil B, you're here" Em's voice boomed across the back yard.

I couldn't help but notice that Rosalie was right behind him. He was walking towards me. I was thankful that my buzz was still in place. I waved at him but that didn't stop him from coming up to me and picking me up from the chair and crushing me into a big bear hug.

"B, it feels like I haven't seen you in forever" he tells me with his arm slung over my shoulders.

"I know, but the end of the school year, especially in a high school gets a bit hectic." I said trying to make up an excuse.

"I bet. So how's everything going?" Emmett said scratching the back of his neck, something him and Edward always had in common.

"Its going, you know same old same old." I let out a nervous laugh trying to ease the tension. Emmett was like my brother and I didn't want any awkwardness around us.

He looks over his shoulder towards the entrance where a very uncomfortable looking Rosalie is standing sipping her drink. He leans in to tell me that things are back on with Rose and that there is even talk of marriage.

"That's great big" I tell him with a smile.

Because it is, they love each other. I don't want my problem with her interfering in their relationship. I'd told him that much before.

"B, I want you to be at the wedding. You are one of my best friends and this thing between you and Rose has me feeling bad, you know?"

"Em, I'm not ready to talk to her if that's where you're headed with this conversation. I know it's been months, but I just don't feel ready to go there with her."

"I know but if I can just say something in her behalf?" he looks at me pleadingly.

I give him a head tilt and a sigh. He gets the point that I'm letting him plead his case.

"Rosie… she uh, misses you. I can't begin to tell you how many nights she has cried herself to sleep since we've gotten back together. She tells me that there's only one person she wants standing next to her in the wedding."

She wants me to be her maid of honor? I totally didn't see this one coming.

"Just please think about it….you know talking to her"

"I'll let you know." I tell him with a sigh

"B, I know you'll do the right thing. You're the best!" and with a kiss on the cheek he was off with his girlfriend

I needed another drink. I scan the back yard to find Leah on the other end surrounded by people who just hours before were my students. She was laughing with her head tilted back and grabbing on to Jason Smith toned forearm.

"I think you need a refill" the same male voice from earlier told me.

I looked up to find the tall man with blond hair up in a pony tail handing me a drink.

I reached out and grabbed it.

"Thanks"

"Do you mind if I," he pointed to the chair next to me, "Sit here?" He asked.

"Free country. Go for it"

"So, I'm hoping you're not a student. Cause if you are than I would have to take the drink back."

"HA! No, I'm not, actually I'm a teacher."

"Oh, thank god. Even better, and your name." He asked

"Isabella Swan, nice to meet you." I told him as I shook his hand.

"Miss. Swan….If I would have had a teacher like you when I was in high school I would've never missed a day of class."

Was he flirting with me? He made me nervous but with out really thinking I took a drink from the cup he brought to me.

Coke and rum….so good.

"Thanks…." I said really trying not to sound creeped out,

"I'm Jim, I didn't realize this town had pretty ladies like you. If I would've known I would've visited more often"

I rolled my eyes. Yeah, if he thought saying shit like that was going to do it…well he had another think coming to him.

"Is that right?" I slurred. I hadn't realized that I was almost done with the drink he gave me.

"I'm not trying to feed you any lines here. It's true you have to be one of the most attractive people I've seen here."

I turned to look at him. There was something about him, besides the eyes that reminded me of him.

Huh…

Jim was good looking. I mean if Edward didn't exist he would probably next in line for most beautiful. His eyes were green but not Edward's green. I don't know how to describe it. There was something missing in Jim's eyes.

We talked for a while and some how I ended up with another cup full of coke and rum. I started to feel more than just fuzzy inside. I was starting to feel not good.

"Sorry, Jim but I need to go to the bathroom." I stood up and stumbled again.

I looked around and made sure that nobody could see the state I was in. He offered to help me inside. I had no other choice, I didn't want to grab on to the wall and make my over drinking obvious.

Jim slid his arm around my waist to hold me up. I leaned on him as we made our way in to the house. I vaguely remember Esme's voice as she talked to someone on her phone. Something about Alice being surprised that they where able to make it. "so you'll be here in fifteen minutes great! She's going to be so happy." I wondered who she was going to be happy in seeing. My mind was becoming more and more muddled as we tried the first bathroom down stairs. There was someone in there and told us to come back in twenty. I looked at Jim and let him know I couldn't hold it any longer. I had to really pee.

"Let me take you to the upstairs bathroom come on" he whispered into my ear.

It tickled so I started giggling all the way up stairs.

"Why are you giggling?" He said with a smile on his face.

"I dunno." I slurred trying to climb up the stairs

"Here, if I remember correctly this room has a bathroom in it"

"Good, I have to peeeee!"

We entered the dark room but he switched on the light. He pointed me to the open door to my right as we entered the room. I stumbled my way into the bathroom, as I was sitting there the room started to spin even more.

Oh, how I hate that feeling.

When I walked out or more like stumble out of the bathroom I take a good look around.

"Hey! I know this room, yup, yup I do"

"Is that right, pretty?" James asked getting off the bed he was sitting on while waiting.

"Pretty?"

"Yeah, that's what I 'm going to call you miss Swan" he said as he got closer to me.

I felt almost like he was the hunter and I his pray, the way he moved was slow and quietly. I kept backing up and I felt the back of my knees hit the edge of the bed. I lost my balance and fell back. I closed my eyes because the room started spinning again. My whole body felt like jello. It felt heavy and I wanted to get up but it seemed too heavy to move.

"Pretty, are you ok?" I heard him whisper in my ear. I felt the pressure on top of me.

"Yes, but you need to get the hell off me. Let me inform you of something Jim…Jim? You never did give me your last name." I said. Keeping my eyes closed. I could here my voice sounding tired and sleepy.

"Oh, pretty sorry about that. You want to know how Isabella sounds with the last name Masen instead."

Huh? That sounded familiar.

"I know that last name" I said as I slowly opened my eyes and his green ones where intensely looking down at me. "Your eyes are green but different green not his green" I told him as I reached up and touched his face.

"What are you going on about pretty….." he said as his face came closer to mine

I couldn't help think he resembled him, more than just the eyes

Huh?

Next thing I know his lips are on mine. It started slow with a peck. He was testing the waters. I didn't get that same feeling I got with Edward. Hell even the dream kiss felt better than this.

I felt him brush his tongue on my lower lip to open, but his eyes where all wrong, they were not the right shade of green. I closed my eyes and was able to just enjoy the fact that someone wanted me. So, I opened my mouth to let our tongues touch.

It started to get more intense. I could feel the warmth of his breath, the moister of his mouth and it started to feel real good.

"Pretty," kiss, "take off the shirt"

Before I could tell him no. I could here some laughing coming from the other side of the door. Jim held himself up with his arms that are on either side of me. He slightly tilted his head. He was trying to listen to see where the voices where headed.

"Pretty, I don't know if were able to finish this little meeting. Rain check?" He tells me as he gets off me.

I don't even think I answer him I just want to go to sleep at this point. I hear the door open the music from out side fills the room. I want to lift up my head and see if Jim walked out or some one walked in.

"James, what the hell are you doing in my room? Please don't tell me you got a one of Ali's friends in here."

That voice sounded familiar.

Huh.

"Cuz, nice to see you too, but no, no student just a pretty little teacher."

"What? Teacher?" The familiar voice asked. It sounded so good to listen to it.

"Yeah, so if you don't mind …giving me some privacy….I'll owe you one."

"Bella, is that you? What the fuck did you do to her you asshole?" The voice yelled sounding angry and full of disbelief.

After the velvety voice spoke, I heard some thing hit the ground.

And I was out, surrounded by darkness.

**A/N**

**Better late then never. Right.**

**To those who reviewed last chapter i will be replying. Life got in the way yadda yadda.**

**i'am off to drool on some Robert pictures from comic con including the hair. i luv him sigh**

**review if you must and thank you for reading.**


	19. Chapter 19

**trueloveoverall beta'd : you are so good to me. giving me this back so soon. still my hero.**

**Disclaimer: Dont own it. **

Chapter 18 " Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting. "- Napoleon Hill

**EPOV**

Red is all I see; I don't know what he did to her but I sure as hell will soon find out, even if I have to beat him to a bloody pulp.

"What. Did. You. Do. To. Her?" I asked him with my teeth clenched.

"Hey Eddie mom-" Emmett's voice came through but my focus was only on James. He had fallen back and hit the dresser. He was currently coughing from the punch to the stomach I just gave him. "What the fuck, is going on here?"

I see Emmett from my peripheral and his just taking in the scene.

"Fuck! Eddie boy" James struggles to say as he tried to get up from the floor.

"Answer me, Fucker. What did you do to her?"

"Is….is that B?" Emmett asks as he moves in further into the room.

I feel like my whole body is about to attack him again.

"This mother fuc-"

"Eddie boy, you need to watch that mouth of yours" James tells me as he leans against the wall with his hands still holding his stomach, "and you keep on asking me what I did to her. Well for your information I did nothing. She needed to use the bathroom. The one down stairs was occupied so I brought her up here. One thing led to another and we started kissing. She is not a student so I fail to see the problem here, and if it's because I was in your room. I apologize"

Before I am able to do or say anything Emmett is pinning James against the wall by his neck.

"Listen here fucker, if there is one strand of hair out of place on that girl. I promise I won't give a shit that we are family. I will do more than just punch you. I will beat the shit out of you."

"What the fuck is up with you two? I didn't do shit to her. Pretty, wake up and tell them." He squealed out.

"Were you going to try to take advantage of her?" Emmett asked as he tightened his grip around his neck.

"Fuck Em, your choking me."

"Emmett let him go. I don't need you killing the fucker." I'm able to control myself long enough to tell him.

In one instant Emmett lets him go. He falls back down to the floor, where he starts coughing again. Emmett walks over to Bella and starts calling her name. I see him shaking her and trying to wake her, but nothing happens. She just pushes his hand away and mumbles.

"Well, the good thing is she's just sleeping, but I think we should take her to the hospital and see if this sick fuck didn't slip her something." Emmett tells me as he fixes her shirt to cover up her stomach.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. I think we should get mom or dad up here."

I can hear Rose calling out for Emmett as she comes up the stairs. When she reaches my room she rushes passed me and goes next to Emmett.

"What the hell is going on here? Is that your cousin on the floor?"

"Yeah, Edward walked in on him taking advantage at the fact that Bella is knocked the fuck out." he explains to her.

"Oh, my god. Bella? Bella? Wake up sweetie" Rose is now lightly shaking her, "The last time I saw her this drunk was with Jake. She even forgot where she left her car."

"Edward thinks James might have slipped her something. She's not responding at all Rose."

"Shit, we should take her to the hospital just in case. I honestly think she's just really drunk but you never know. She came with Leah right?"

"Yeah" Emmett answers her.

"Let me go get her" as she is walking out I tell her to get mom and dad up here.

James keeps talking and swearing up and down that he didn't do anything to her drink. He kept telling us that he did bring her two drinks but nothing was done to them. I wish I could believe him, but she seems so out of it. Bella has never been one to make any type of scene especially at my parent's house, at Alice's party and with her students here as well. It just wasn't her.

It seemed like Rosalie was taking forever. I just wanted to rush her already but her breathing was steady. No sign of anything being uncomfortable for her. At, this point I've went into my bathroom and got a wet cloth to see if that would wake her up. But it didn't.

It seems like a stampede was rushing up the stairs and quick foot steps rushing in to my room. Leah walks in and is on the phone telling someone to get here now. Next my mother and father walked in.

"What is going on in here?" Mom said looking between James and myself, but soon as she focused in on the bed she crossed the room to be next to Bella.

"Someone better explain now!" my dad demanded.

I quickly told them what I saw. My mother looked like she was about to kill her sisters son. James was retelling his side of the events. I couldn't even look at him with out wanting to go after him.

"This is all my fault." Leah spoke up. "I gave her a few drinks to loosen up. But I left her ok. She was no where near being drunk." Leah said in a nervous stammer.

"No, this fucker admitted to giving her some drinks. God knows what he put in them!" I said feeling like I was going to lose my shit

My dad had to stop Emmett from getting to James while Leah was holding me back as I wanted to get at him myself.

"ENOUGH!" mom yelled, all eyes on her. "We are going to get this straighten out but first I want to take Bella to the hospital and get her checked out. Carlisle, I need you to go down stairs and get everybody to the back yard with the kids and give Alice her gift. While that's happening, Emmett, you will carry Bella out to the garage and take her to the hospital in my car. Edward and James I need you two to behave. I don't want to hear a peep out of any of you. Edward, do me a favor and try not to attack him until we get to the bottom of all of this. Leah, I'm not sure who you were speaking to on the phone but if it was Charlie call him back and tell him to meet us at the hospital. Edward and James, you two are riding with me.

Oh, by the way James I hope you are telling the truth because Bella's father is the chief of police. That is his only daughter. I don't need to explain to you what kind of deep shit you're in, if in fact, there is something in her system that shouldn't be."

My mother did not use curse words, and when she did she meant business. We all left quickly to do what we were ordered, mostly because we were afraid of my mom. I saw Leah quickly call back who ever she was speaking to and told them to meet up in the hospital. It wasn't Charlie since she called him right after that.

Once dad was able to get everybody in the house to the back yard, Emmett scooped up Bella and placed her in Moms SUV. Rose stayed behind to help my dad and for the sake of not trying to kill James I decided it would be best to go with Leah. James went with mom.

"Leah, I need you to slow down. Emmett is going speed limit and your riding his ass" I tell her, as I grab on to the dashboard in front of me.

"I can't believe I left her like that. She is usually a responsible drinker. The only times she gets out of hand is with Jake. And that's just because he won't let any thing happen to her. Shit, his going to kill me." She nervously tells me "Edward, I will never be more thankful to you. If you wouldn't have walked in, who knows what that bastard would have done. He was watching her all night. Ahhh! What a fucking asshole. I should've known better than to leave her alone. I saw her sitting there talking to him, but I never thought you would associate with people that would do that."

"His my cousin. We kind of have to associate with him" I said in a dead pan voice

"Are you fuckin kidding me? That ass is related to you? What is it with you pretty boy Cullen's. All of you are missing the smart genes. I swear the only one, besides your parents of course that has any brains is your little sister. I would say Emmett but we've all met him. Lets be honest the guy is missing something." Leah rambled on.

I think it was keeping her distracted until we got to the hospital. Luckily it wasn't too far away. We finally got there after what felt like forever. Emmett parks in the emergency entrance and got someone to bring a wheel chair. It was like the stars were aligned because there was no wait for us. That or the fact that Bella's is the police chief daughter helped as well.

She got taken to the back, where even though they wouldn't let us in with her, I felt better. Minutes later my mom walked in with James.

"How is she?" Mom asked, wringing her hands in worry/

"She's got a bed as of right now. We have to wait till Charlie gets here so they let him go back there or get any information." I inform her.

"Ok, so as we wait for the results. James told me that he did not slip her anything in her drinks but might of made them really strong." She told us, looking disappointedly at him. "I don't know if I should believe you or not Jimmy, but I really hope that is true. Just the fact that you that you planned to take advantage of a drunk woman makes me sick. I would expect a hell of a lot more from you."

We all where focused in on listening to my mother explain what James had told her that I never saw when Jake walked in. The look on his face told me he heard what my mom just said. This was not going to be good.

"Look, in my defense it was all consensual. She happened to pass out when Eddie walked in. I swear she was as much into it as I was!" he told us with no remorse in his voice. "What are you looking at?" He barked at Jake who hadn't said a word since he walked in.

"What am I looking at?" He said almost chuckling in disbelief as he walked closer to James. The cute little brunet standing next to him whispered to him to "calm down"

"Look, I don't know who you are, and frankly I don't care. So you seriously need to back the fuck off me." James said.

"James, if you value your life I would shut up" Emmett warned him

"Yeah, James listen to Emmett because as of right now all I know is that you tried to take advantage of my best friend and that shit wont fly with me" Jake said as he took a few steps closer to James.

My mom gave me the look to get him away. She was not one to put up with public displays of anything. Some how I was able to convince Jake to go out side with me. I kept telling him he had to calm down. That neither Charlie nor Bella would appreciate him making a scene at the hospital. This was the first time we had really spoken since high school. I have to say it was weird. For so long I have envied the fact that Bella loved him and not me. Now, that I know that they've only been friends this whole time. I'm only grateful that he has been here for her the way I wasn't.

That of course is only my fault.

We just stood there in silence as we watched Charlie rush passed us inside. I told Jake that we should just stay outside. Who knows what kind of bull shit James would say to defend his actions against Bella to Charlie. I also thought it would be better to stay outside until all information was divulged to Charlie.

The silence around us was actually growing to be uncomfortable. Its been years that we've actually said anything to each other. The only person we had in common in high school was Bella. Things where always cool between us but after everything that has gone on. I wasn't sure if he wanted to pound me into the ground, right next to James.

Leah came out side with us to let us know that Charlie was currently inside with Bella. Mom refused to go anywhere until lab results where back. I decided if mom was staying put so was James. He looked like a five year old boy that got put in time out.

The cute brunette walked out with two cups off coffee and handed one to each of us. She gave Jake a kiss and told him she would be with Leah. Carly, I think was the name he said. Jake thanked me for calming him down and agreed that it was best to stay outside because knowing his own temper he would try to go after my cousin.

"So, Cullen what's with the roses?" Jake asked.

"Roses?"

"Yeah, you know the ones that show up at Bella's house everyday. What's up with that? Is that your way of wooing her or something? Because if it is, let me just tell you that shit aint gonna work." He told me as he sat down in the bench next to the entrance, "you think that some roses are going to make up for six years of dating her step sister." He started chuckling.

Which pissed me off.

"I'm not trying to woo her. I just want to be her friend. I don't know what to do, to make her see that."

"Friends? Really? Dude, she told me what you said to her about still being in love with her. I must say, it either takes some balls or some stupidity to talk about being in love with her for six years. Yet you were banging the evil step sister for that time and then you think roses are going to block all that shit out?"

I sat down next to him. "Yeah, guess your right. But for the record, I want to gain her friendship. I know I fucked up and that her seeing me as anything more than a friend is going to be a miracle. But I will never give up on trying to be her friend again"

"Look, I want to be real with you, but if this gets back to her ya know, that we had this conversation I'll deny it, and she'll believe me." He tells me as he takes a sip of his coffee. "To be honest with you, I don't think she's over you. She's good at putting on a front ya know. I mean shit she went six years without you having a clue about how she felt about you. Then again you're a stupid motherfucker that didn't bother to ask his 'best' friend if she was or wasn't banging me instead you just decided to drop her. I want her happy. When Rose decided to be a complete tool and a fuckin bitch to her I wanted to hit her. I wouldn't of course but my point is all her so called 'best friends', besides myself of course, have believed the first lie that blond bimbo put out there.

I'm not blind. I've always seen the way you look at her. The few times I told her about my theory on you she would say I was crazy. You were good at trying to hide it but if I could tell. It was only obvious Tanya could tell even after years of being with her. But I don't understand you. You tell her you loved her and that you will never forgive yourself all this B.S. and the next day your gone. You send some flowers and expect her to take you seriously when you're across the country doing who knows what with who knows who. Dude, seriously, would you give your self the time of day if you did that?"

He's right. I told her that I loved her and promised to give her space. Not only do I leave but I try to convince her to trust me while I'm off in New York dealing with projects that easily could be taken care of by one of our managers there. I need to start to make things right. I thought I had by just telling Tanya to go straight to hell. I thought that letting Bella in my heart and showing her the love I've carried around for her. But I haven't done anything to truly show her that I'm here to stay and that I won't leave again.

I will make her see and convince her that I am here for her, that I want to be part of her life. I am through with running away. I want her to see me; I want her to want me. I don't care what it looks like to other people. I'm going for my happy ending. I have to try; I have to see if it could be, even if I have to endure her pushing me away. I expect that. It wouldn't be her if she didn't fight for her self preservation. But I am fighting for the person I love.

At this point I don't care. I will stay here I will fight and if I have to tell everybody to kiss my ass because of it I will.

**IC **

Leah volunteered to take Carle home for Jake. He wasn't moving from that hospital until someone confirmed if anything was slipped to Bella. After our brief conversation about how a dumb fuck I am. Jake decided that he was calm enough to go back inside and wait with out trying to kill James.

Mom, informed me that very little was told to Charlie. He just wanted the basics. Told them that soon as the doctor told him what was going on with Bella he will be wanting the details of the day.

James decided that it was a good time to start telling us that everything that happened in that room was consensual again. I had to hold back Jake when he decided to tell Jake "Man, you know how it is, a pretty thing like Ms. Swan giving out all the right signals. Who would pass up on that; I'm sure you've hit it once or twice"

Even I had to contain my self again with that one. I told him to shut up. Just when we thought things couldn't get any worse Renee and Tanya walk in to the ER's waiting room.

This is going to be interesting.

"I demand to know what is going on?" Renee walked towards us. "How is it possible that the only reason I know my daughter is in the hospital is because one of the nurses is my friend and she called me up?"

My mother told Renee to calm down and to sit down. "Renee, I assure you that if this would have been life or death you've would've been the first person I've would've called."

Esme Cullen knows how to bull shit a bull shitter and believe me Renee was a bull shitter.

Tanya, was silent and making no eye contact with any of us. I didn't even know why she was here.

Charlie suddenly appeared. We all stood up and walked towards him. It seemed that everyone decide to speak at once and ask if the lab results where back. He looked …well not quite sure. He really knows how not to give anything away. Now I know were Bella gets it from.

Renee started demanding to be taken back to where Isabella was. Charlie told her that Bella was awake and if she went in there it won't be good. She complained until Charlie told her that if she didn't behave he wasn't going to give her any information.

"Yes, the lab results are back. The good news is that there wasn't any type of substance indicating to any date rape drug. The bad news Bella almost got alcohol poisoning. She was close to getting her stomach pumped."

Relieved was all I felt when he said that. It didn't stop the fact that James did admit to over doing it on the drinks she was consuming. Charlie didn't let that slip.

"My daughter is a 23 year old woman. I have seen her party but I have never known of anything where she has lost control and let anything like this happen."

"Charlie, that's because she is a very responsible drinker but when some asshole is trying to take advantage of her and trying to get her so drunk so he could score." Jake glared at James "hey you stupid fuck you really could have gotten her hurt. You ass is mine" he threatened.

"Jake I know your not saying that in front of me. As for you young man, stay away from my daughter. If I see you even in the same place I won't keep Jake from getting to you. Do I make my self clear? The only reason I cant haul your ass to jail is because there was nothing in criminating in her system. But since you did admit to getting her wasted, I'm warning you." With those words he went back inside.

"Shit, that was close huh Eddie boy?" He said relieved.

"Are you fuckin kidding me right now James? What do you think this is some fuckin game. Its not. You got so lucky that nothing more than your ignorance was found in her system because let me inform you that you wouldn't have to worry about just Jake coming after you. I would have been right along side with him kicking your ass. If you think that one punch was it, then you are completely wrong. You messed with the woman I love that shit is unforgivable. So, don't let me catch making another stupid ass comment about this situation or her because I wont give a shit if I go to jail I will beat the shit out of you."

I warned him, I realized that I was literally face to face with him. I just felt Emmett and Jake pull me back.

"Oh, shit!" James exclaimed like he realized something. "Is this the chick you dumped Tanya for? Wait isn't she like the step sister or something? Oh, Eddie boy I wouldn't want your sloppy seconds anyway."

Don't know what happened when he referred to her as sloppy seconds. I think I blacked out. I just remember hearing my mother and Emmett calling out my name telling me to get off of him, telling me that the hospital called the police.

I think it took both Jake and Emmett to get me off that good for nothing dick. Next thing I knew I was being handcuffed and being put in the back of the cop car. Damn the hard seat felt uncomfortable. I saw how mom tried to talk to the arresting officer but to no avail.

Great now I'm off to jail. This is not what I thought was going too happened when I got on the plane today.

**A/N:**

**thank you for everyone that reviewd last chapter. i will get to the replying. i'm already working on the next chapter. **

**i been overdosing on Robert comic con video's...sigh he makes me smile.**

**as always Thank you for reading review if you must.**

**have a great weekend.**


	20. Chapter 20

**trueloveoverall makes this story readable. i wish i could express how thankful i truly am. i wish i could tell you for my bday i will stop incorrectly using commas but i can't promise that. but you fix all this hot mess i write and i dont know what i would do without you. Everybody should check out her story One of the Guys and show her some love:)**

**It took forever to update but its a longer chapter. hopefully i'm forgiven.**

**Disclaimer: Dont own it. **

Chapter 19: "Remembering the past gives power to the present."

_What happened?_

I asked myself when I opened my eyes and found Charlie sitting in a chair next to me.

_This isn't my room?_

"Hey Bells, how are you feeling?" He asked with concerned laced in his voice.

"I don't know where am I?" I ask confusingly looking around the white room.

"You're in the hospital. Do you remember anything that happened?"

"what day is it?"

I couldn't remember anything. .

_Shit. _Alice's party.

Without letting him answer me I spoke up "I was at the Cullen's for Alice's graduation party." I closed my eyes tightly. I guess I was hoping that was going to help me remember what happened. Oh my god what if I fell in front of everybody. I wouldn't put it passed me.

Last thing I clearly remember is seeing Leah flirt with my student.

_Oh, god I hope she didn't hook up with anybody. _

There was a guy with green eyes, what was his name? He was nice and I kind of remember him telling me something about being pretty. Shit, it's like a puzzle trying to put its pieces in place. I remembered going up stairs.

_Oh, that's right I needed to use the bathroom. Whats-his-face was helping me. Joe, I think it was Joe or Jack maybe Jim? _

Yeah Jim, Jim he was on top of me?

Oh my god!

We were kissing.

OH my god, I remember looking at his green eyes. They reminded me of Edward.

"Did…did we..?" I asked panicking.

I felt sick as I started remembering the fact that I kissed him back and he was trying to take off my shirt.

"Calm down sweet heart. Nothing happened. Edward came in the room before he could take advantage of you." Charlie said looking at me worriedly.

"Edward? But, but he is in New York."

"Not anymore, he is actually sitting in jail right now."

_WHAT! _

"Why?" I asked sitting up more.

"Well," he started clearing his throat, "that guy James is actually his cousin. From what Jake told me, while out in the waiting area after I let them know that you were fine James said something about you and Edward lost it. The staff called the deputies and by the time I was informed he was already in handcuffs and sitting in the back seat."

Great, I was kissing his cousin. Out of all the people in the world I could have kissed it had to be _his_ cousin!

The irony in this is not lost in me.

"Dad, is he going to be ok?" I asked with a quiver in my voice. I may not like Edward very much but he was defending my honor.

"He'll be fine Esme is outside the jail; she's going to let him think about his actions. I'll go talk to him and see if he is calmed down. His cousin is actually being looked at now got a pretty bad concussion when Edward decided to slam his head on the ground."

"Edward is not a violent person. I don't understand." I stated, but honestly I really don't know what his capable now. I knew him so long ago.

"Bells, don't worry yourself over it. You almost got alcohol poising so just relax. You scared the living crap out of me today. When Leah called me and told me you were here. I swear I felt my heart drop to my feet. Don't you ever do that to me again young lady." He said sternly.

I felt almost as embarrassed as I did when I was five and ran away.

"I've never done that before and I'm not even sure how I let that happened. Dad, the worst part is that I let that guy kiss me and who knows what else. Oh god I've become a drunken slut!" I said mortified.

Charlie actually chuckled. How is this funny?

"Bells, nothing happened. Edward got there just in time. Your virtue is still intact, but if that man gets near you again. It won't be Edward or Jake that beats him, it'll be me."

He wasn't joking.

Jake is here which means his going to kill me. He's always been very adamant about drinking a lot around guys. I always told myself I would never be that girl that blamed it on the alcohol.

"Bells, not to make this experience any worse for you"

_Oh, god what now._

"Your mother is here"

"You called her!" I exclaimed accusingly.

"No, of course not, but one of the nurses is her friend. I guess when she realized who you were she called her. I've been able to keep her out but I don't know for how long she'll wait."

This is not how I envisioned my summer vacation starting. I'm actually thankful that in a few days I'll be in L.A.

"Dad, did anybody see the state I was in? Oh, god Alice's must be so mad at me."

"For what Esme told me nobody knew besides the them. Alice doesn't know, I think they told her that you just got sick. No specifics."

At least nobody saw me. How embarrassing. Not even when I was in college did I ever do anything so foolish.

What the hell.

Charlie decided to fill me in on what happened. Apparently James, the cousin, gave me drinks that where loaded. I blame myself because I should've known better than to drink them. How did I make it out of college alive? For being a reasonable person that was an epic FAIL.

Charlie told me that I would be released in the morning. He told me that he had to go check up on Edward and he would be back soon. Before he left I made him promise to tell everybody I was sleeping and that they should go home. He surprised me when he reentered the room with Esme. They told me that Renee had gone with Tanya to the station regarding Edward. Esme just mumbled about not having priorities and something about learning a lesson. My father said that Esme wanted to stay with me until he came back and if that was fine with me. I insisted that it wasn't necessary but Esme didn't take no for an answer. With that my father left to handle the Edward situation.

After a few minutes of silence I felt the need to apologize to her.

"Esme, I can't even look you in the eyes on how embarrassed I am of my behavior tonight. I swear, I've never done anything like this. I feel so ashamed of myself!" I was staring at my hand that kept twisting the sheet one way then the other.

"Honey, I should be apologizing to you; not only did my nephew act like a complete jerk. My son decided to make a spectacle out there. I know how you value your privacy and you certainly don't want this to be spoken amongst the gossip followers of this town. The fact that Edward decided to take his frustration out in public is not becoming. James has been nothing but a disappointment today. I already called my brother to inform him of his antics. So in all of this my family has been very disrespectful to you; for that I am truly sorry. I hope that this doesn't diminish our friendship."

I could see and hear the sincerity coming from her. Esme has always been fair in all things, but I'm not too innocent in the situation either.

"Thank you for that but I do believe my bad judgment is at fault as well. Yes, your nephew saw an opportunity and took advantage of it. After all isn't that what most men do in a situation like that? I'm not justifying the action but I could've avoided this if I was thinking like an adult but apparently I was thinking like dumb child. I want to let Alice know that I'm so truly sorry. I hope I didn't ruin her day."

After assuring me that once everybody left their house she explained that Alice was informed of the events that happened. Esme told me she had spoken to her and that Alice only concern was that I was ok and to tell me not to worry about it and that she would kick James ass herself for being such a "dumb blond". Her words not mine. Esme just chuckled at her daughters words and went on to tell me she is always having some blond joke for Carlisle. He finds them amusing.

Esme did stay with me, all night. I guess things got a little more complicated once my dad arrived at the station. After James was discharged he went straight there and from what I heard later they weren't put in the same cell but there where words being exchange. Charlie said that he never seen anything like it when two grown ass men are acting like five year old boys.

I was able to get some sleep. It was very welcomed at that point. I heard voices whispering around me in the morning. I found Charlie and Esme talking. I guess they heard me move and they both looked. My dad had on his jeans and his favorite at home shirt. Guess he went home and cleaned up. Walking towards me he hands me a yellow rose.

"Ah, Josh the flower guy stopped by right before I came over so I thought you should have it now. You know to make this morning a little more normal" he said with a big smile on his face.

I know he was implying something but I didn't want to over think anything right now. I looked over at Esme and she just gave me a motherly smile. She makes everything better. Why couldn't my mother be more like her? Esme excused herself and said she was going to use the restroom that was located in my room to clean up a bit.

"Dad, really the rose could've stayed home with the rest of them." I gave him a pointed look. What was his deal?

"Yeah, I know that but I thought it was a good idea at the time. I guess I was wrong." He said almost like a child that just got in trouble.

"Thanks dad you shouldn't have." I said dryly. And I meant it he really shouldn't have.

"Talked to the doctor you just need to sign some papers and your good to go. I've taken the day off since I spent most of the night babysitting the fighting cousins."

"Are they still at the station?"

"No, Edward got picked up by Carlisle a few hours ago. His cousin is still sitting there though, gotta teach him a lesson."

I didn't ask anything more regarding that. I just wanted to get out of the hospital and start packing for the trip. It's a good thing I was going out of state in a few days. The thought of staying here for the summer was not a happy one. When Esme got out of the restroom she told me about the plans they had for the trip to California. I had almost forgotten that they'll be there a week after I arrive. Wanting to ask who exactly was going, I refrained myself from doing so. Charlie stepped out of the room so I could change and said he would be in the cafeteria and to call him when I was ready. Esme told me that she had Carlisle and Alice drop off some clothes for me. I must have looked at her funny because she went on to explain that Charlie gave her the key to the house.

"I put them in the restroom for you. Is there anything else I can get you?"

"No, Esme you've actually done more than enough. Truly I can't begin to tha-" I was cut off by the door of the room being pushed open and a very angry Renee in the other side.

_Why is she here?_

She was demanding to know why on earth is she always the last one to find out about everything. I don't know what she was talking about. Far as I knew they had informed her last night about the situation. She was here until she had left to the station when Edward got taken. So her coming in here acting like she just found out looks completely overdone.

"Isabella, seriously not only do you break up the engagement of your sister, take her ex fiancée and act like you've done nothing. But you go ahead and sleep with the cousin in the Cullen's own home. I'm in complete shock; I did not raise you to be a slu-"

I was about to speak up to tell Renee to get out when Esme cut her off.

"Renee, we've been friends a long time. But if you're coming here just to insult her and accuse her of things you obviously know nothing about. I'm going to ask you to please leave." Esme said in a calm matter

"Esme, I understand that you're like the mother Theresa of Forks but this is actually between my daughter and myself so not to sound ungrateful or disrespectful stay out of it."

"There is where you're wrong Renee. I'm not getting involved in a mother daughter situation because you haven't been a mother to Bella in a long time. So don't come here acting the part of a mother who is concerned, embarrassed or even wounded because that just makes you look more pathetic as a person."

"How dare you, speak to me this way. I've been nothing but the best mother to Isabella"

"No, you've been the best mother to Tanya. Tanya, who has only lied and manipulated everyone and everything around her. You need to take the blinders off Renee because you have lost your daughter a long time ago. I don't appreciate you calling her anything so leave before I have you thrown out."

"You can't have me thrown out. I'm her mother."

"Get out." I said to her.

"Isa-"

"Didn't you hear me? I said GET OUT! Not only I'm I talking about this room or this hospital I'm talking about my life. I don't want you in it and I thought I had told you this months ago but I guess I've got to be a little more clearer. I. Don't. Want. You. In. my. Life. All you have is one daughter and one husband that's Phil and Tanya. Just put in your head that you never had a child with Charlie, ok? So if that's not clear enough I don't know what is."

Without waiting for a response I got up and walked into the restroom. Before I closed the door I told her "by the time I get out of here you better be gone."

**IC**

It's been two days since the whole ordeal. I'm glad that it's all over with. I still feel stupid over the whole situation. I should have known, but Jake and Leah didn't bitch me out. Which was a surprise, I thought Jake would take the time and explain how I'm too trusting and that I should just go out with him if I'm going to be drinking. And he has actually given me that speech before. Leah hugged me tightly when she saw me after the hospital. She kept blaming herself, I had to tell her to stop that

But both decided to praise Edward. "Bells you should have seen it. Ed was like 'you don't talk about the one I love' and BAM! Gave him a nice right hook before kneeing him and then slamming him on the floor. I must say didn't think he had it in him."

"Really Jacob, you two are besties now?"

"Bells, don't get all butt hurt cause I don't hate his guts. His a nice guy, is he dumber then a post? Probably but he really does care. He cares and loves you and will do everything to protect you. Even if it took him time to get that head out of his ass and I think he redeemed himself by beating the shit out of that parasite."

Really didn't want to get into it with Jake about being Team Edward. So I dropped that whole conversation quickly. Leah kept telling me that she wished she would've been there when I told Renee where to go. I left Renee and all her drama back in that hospital room. Just when I thought I couldn't be any more done with her, I find that it's definitely a relationship that can never get fixed. When I arrived home that day Emmett was waiting for me. He wanted to talk to me about what happened; I was just done with the subject. Rosalie texted me about how I was feeling. I didn't respond although Leah did tell me she was concerned for me. I'm not ready to go there with her until we actually have a talk. Like she was reading my mind, she shortly texted me again with meeting up and talking. I actually responded to her that after I come back from my trip we could get together and talk. This didn't mean that all was going to be forgiven and forgotten.

Alice came by and made me feel better. She didn't bring up anything that happened, which I was more than thankful for. She always knows how to put a smile on my face. I love that little ball of dark energy. She was off to spend the rest of the day with Jasper since he was flying out to Texas the next day.

The next day I was surprised to find no rose waiting for me when I woke up. There was no text message either. I shouldn't be surprised; he was in jail up until yesterday morning and probably jetlagged.

Not that I care

Interesting because I thought he had pre paid the roses. I guess not he probably calls in everyday to have it delivered.

It doesn't matter. Better for me I won't have dying roses every other day.

Deciding to get my things together for the trip I started pulling out the clothes that I would take with me. I felt like I needed food and since it was around brunch time I decide to make some peanut butter and jelly French toast. It's been years since I actually made any but the craving was there and I had to fulfill it.

Leaving my luggage half way done on top of my bed I head down stairs to the living room. Turning on the TV, I saw that Pride and Prejudice was on and I couldn't pass up on Jane Austin I left it on there.

I had made five peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and was dipping the last one in the egg when I heard the door bell ring. I placed it on the pan and quickly opened the door. Standing there looking very nervous was Edward. He was holding a small gift bag with his right hand.

"Hey"

"Hey" I replied.

"I just wanted to see how you've been?"

"Fine, you could've just called you know."

"Yeah, I know but I actually wanted to see you and give you this." he told me as he handed me the gift bag.

I was hesitant to take it. "I promise it's something you need."

Once I grabbed the bag, I invited him in. I didn't need my food to burn, offering him a seat at the table, I was hungry and frankly didn't care who was here I was going to eat.

"Do you want any?" I offered him as I sat down and brought two plates with me.

"Are those the peanut butter ones?"

"Sure are"

"I've been dreaming of the day that I could eat those again. Seriously, has to be the best damn things ever."

It was almost tradition our junior year in high school to eat some on Saturday morning. He would come over and help me make them and we sit around the living room until noon eating and talking about anything and everything. So without another word I placed the plate in front of him and placed the French toast on there. The only noise for about ten minutes was him moaning on how good they were. "better then I remember" he got up and went and grabbed glasses from the dish washer and pored the milk in them. He placed one glass in front of me and the other one for himself.

If it wasn't for the fact that seven years have gone by it felt just like we were high school. Thank god I made five because he ate three; he could give a Jake a run for his money when it came to eating. Drinking the last of my milk, while he started on his last one, I cleared my throat to catch his attention.

"So, I …want to thank you, you know for …the thing with your cousin."

I couldn't even look at him. Why the hell do I feel so wierd?

"Bella, I didn't do anything but show up for my sister's graduation party. I'm thankful I decided to be ocd about things and wash up before joining the party. I'm sorry James wasn't using the right head to think with" he said with a straight face.

I on the other hand wanted to laugh.

Which I did.

"That came out not how I wanted it to. But you know what I mean" he said trying to control his own laughter..

"Are you going to open the bag?"

"Oh, right I forgot about that"

He just gave me a smirk and pushed it in front of me. "Should I be concerned about what it might be?"

"just open it." he told me as he rolled his eyes at me.

I pulled out white tissue paper and pulled out sun block. I looked at him a little perplexed. "Not that I'm not thankful, but sun block? I mean you save me the pit stop I was going to make tomorrow morning."

"Ali, told me your leaving to L.A this weekend and I remembered that one summer when you decided that you give tanning a try but you burned instead," he was laughing so hard that he couldn't even breath, "and, and you looked like a lobster. Oh! And the best part is that you had left your sunglasses on and you looked like a raccoon too."

Oh yea that was so funny… not

I had to remind him that in that same summer Emmett decided to get him drunk and shave half of his head. But of course it was him and he still looked good. Somehow those two memories snowballed into an afternoon filled with stories and memories that we shared. From my burn to his hair and it went from the first time I tripped when we met to how I liked keeping things the same because I kept doing it every other day.

He was very careful in keeping things light and not bringing up anything that had Tanya in it. Next thing I know my dad walks in. He did a double take on the dining area when he realizes that I'm not there by myself.

"Edward, well this is a surprise. For a moment there I thought I stepped back in time."

"How are you today Chief Swan?"

"All right, don't mind me though I'll be on my way to take a shower, you know I have a hot date with Sue" he said as he walked up the stairs

Charlie's arrival brought us back to a silence. For a few minutes, "I should get going. Your flight leaves early right?"

"Well, the flight leaves at noon but you know the drive all the way to Seattle is what's going to make us get up early."

I wanted to ask him if he was going to join his family in a week. The thought of seeing him there made me happy but at the same time it's like what's the point.

"So, how long are you staying? I know that the family is coming back in two weeks because Ali needs to get started in finding a place before school starts."

That answered that. He was not going and was probably heading back to New York. Once I had the thought of him leaving again disappointment washed over me. But really I should just be use to it by now.

"The plan is a month just because I need time away, now more than ever. Since Leah's dads lending us the place, I have enough money to stay that long. And you are heading back east since I'm sure you just came for Alice's graduation. It's a shame you had to spend it in jail."

"Besides my mother still being pissed at me for making a scene and not handling it privately I say it was worth it." He said. Looking at me with that look, that look that if I didn't know him I would have jumped him already.

Apparently if he was a total stranger I would be a complete whore. I had to shake my head slightly to get the image of me literally jumping him out. I need to stop listening to Leah when she goes on and on about fantasies.

"But I'm not going back to New York." he said still looking at me intensely. "I'll be flying back but just to get some things sorted out with the projects that are over there but "I'm permanently moving back here. By the time your back I should be settled in somewhere. Like my sister, I to will be apartment hunting or maybe house hunting haven't really looked into it yet."

I'm not really taking him seriously. It's not the first time that he says his back for good. It's his M.O soon as something happens he is out again. He really doesn't like dealing with anything. I must have given him a skeptical look because he went on to tell me that he was done with the city. He was thinking of looking in Port Angeles.

"The thought of living in Forks is fine but unless Tany- certain people are still around. I want to avoid crazy as long as possible."

Yeah, now he says that.

Charlie walked down looking handsome and very cleaned up for a regular date. This was interesting. He asked Edward if he was going to stay for dinner but quickly Edward got up and said that he didn't mean to take so much of my time and he actually had things to do.

Charlie made himself1 busy in the kitchen while we said good bye. Something was definitely up with him.

"So…" he started out while standing right outside my front door as he shoved his hands in his jean pockets. "I hope you have fun in L.A."

"Thank you, I hope I will to. I hope your move is easy and I guess I'll see you around "

"Right, around." He waved at me and turned quickly as he walked down the two steps. I was still standing there holding the door open as he neared his car. I wanted to close the door but there was something about that moment that was so sad. I felt it in my soul. He looks up at me before he gets in the car and yells out "don't forget to put on that sun block we don't want a lobster raccoon scaring the little kids in the beach"

I narrow my eyes at him and flip him the bird. He throws his head back and laughs loudly. "I'll miss you" he said suddenly with a serious face, and with those parting words he got in the car and was off.

**IC**

Charlie startled me when he suggested that he was long gone and I should close the door. Assuring him that my mind was not on the person that just left I told him it was on everything I had to still pack. With a "uh huh" he called me over to sit with him for a minute.

"Bells, you know I don't ever put in my two cents when it comes to you and your private matters. I mean you're an adult and unlike Renee I like to still be in your good graces" he told me. I wasn't sure where this conversation was heading but I didn't want to find out "I see how he looks at you. I know that look"

Is he going to try to talk to me about Edward? I'm sure I was only unconscious for a few hours but that's all it took for everyone to drink the kool-aid regarding Edward.

"He has had that look every time his been around you. And I have a long memory so I'm talking about since you two started hanging out in high school"

"Dad" I said, trying to explain to him that we didn't need to go there. "You should get going to your date. I don't want you to be late in account of me or Edward or whatever you're trying to say. It could wait"

"It's ok. Sue is picking me up. Plus I just talked to her before I came down and she told me she'll be here in thirty which means I have an hour" he assured me.

Guess I'm not getting out of this one.

"I have a question for you?" He asked.

"Okaaaay?"

"So, Phil got his job up here because of his buddy right. I mean if memory serves me that is what happened."

"Yeah, I guess some old college friend of his hooked him up with the coaching position" I replied. I wasn't sure what this was about.

"So, even if Renee wouldn't have married him or met him this job most-likely would've been still proposed to him correct."

"I guess. Where are you going with this?"

"Just wait. So, he most likely would have still moved up here with or without being married to your mother, right?"

"Right, I guess but-" he cut me off

"So, Tanya would have still gone to your school. She would have had the same classes. She would have done the same thing"

"What are you getting at?" I asked annoyingly.

"So, here is the question. Let's say everything still happened the way it happened. Edward would have believed everything she said and they would've been together and everything else that happened would have somehow come to surface at one point. With the fact that she wouldn't have been your step sister, would that have made a difference in going after the man you love? Because I know you and I know the fact that all these people are talking about how you had something to do with their break up and she's your step sister and all this other stuff. Would it of mattered if she was just another girl that went to high school with you and dated him? If she would have just been his ex girlfriend not your step sister would you give him a chance? "

I didn't know where to begin with this. I think my brain was spinning at all his questions.

"The fact of the matter is she just isn't some random ex girlfriend he dated. She is my step sister. Your hypothetical question is void because the fact is that she is who she is in my life, not only his ex but also my step sister. There is no changing that."

"I understand, but I don't think you should sacrifice your happiness just because he was with her."

"I'm trying to build a friendship with him again. It's hard it's going to take time it's going to take trust, but I think it's going at a good pace. Do I think it could be more than a friendship? No."

"Why not? I know how you feel about him, it's obvious. I just want you to be happy. And it angers me that you're still letting Tanya have some type of control over your life."

"I'm not, but you wouldn't understand"

It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I looked over at him and I could see him thinking and putting something together in that head of his. He broke the silence by asking me another question.

"Do you like Sue?" He asked me, again not sure where this line of question would end up at.

"I love Sue she makes you happy and I'm forever grateful to her for that."

"I'm glad. I love her. I want you to know I plan on proposing tonight"

A big smile came over me. I was happy that he decided to marry her. This was good. This was really good. This was a far better conversation then the previous one. I got up and hugged him and told him how happy and exited I was for them. I also let him know that I'm thankful he got me a good step sister. He always gave better presents then Renee.

"I was so nervous about telling you."

"Why? I have never shown anything but respect towards Sue. Why would you be nervous?" I asked him.

"Because I'm marring one of my best friend's ex-wife"

Until this moment I never actually thought about it. My father and Sue's ex husband went to high school together and maintained their friendship even after both of them married and had children. It was the three musketeers Charlie, Harry and Billy. How did I miss this detail?

"You know I never actually put it together. When I moved back here in high school he came around every once and a while and once I went off to college I never really saw him and when I moved back up here he was long gone".

Even if Leah and I have become close she hardly brings him up. Well, not until she decided that we crash his house in California. I can't believe I never put this together.

"So, you think that even though she was married to him and had his children she's still a good person even if she marries her ex-husbands best friend?"

I know what he was doing.

"Sue is wonderful. Plus Harry cheated and lied. So, it doesn't matter because she fell in love after all was said and done not during her marriage."

"You do realize that Edward is Sue in your situation right?"

And there it was.

"Dad, we are not living parallel lives here. Edward was with my step sister"

"Yeah and I was best man in Harry and Sue's wedding"

"What do you want me to tell you dad? That I love him and I'm scared. Well yes to both."

"I just wanted you to admit it. You're denying yourself so much. Bell's I want you to live and love. I want you to be happy. I want you to forget what people will say or think. I know that you say and come off as you don't care but you do. You don't want to disappoint anybody. But the only person you need to worry about and think about is you. I'm not saying to leave it easy for him, which you're not because your making him work for it. That's good because if he truly loves you he won't give up."

After his speech about me and not letting anybody interfere with what I want, Sue came. I was so relieved I was able to be alone with my thoughts. Charlie made some points that I had dismissed a long time ago. But now more than ever I don't know what I want to do.

I finished packing and the whole time I was thinking about my dad, Sue and Harry. I wished I asked Charlie about what Harry said when he found out about them. I was surprised that I have never heard anything around town as well. I mean they keep that relationship pretty low key but it's been out in the open for the last eight months, maybe since time has passed nobody really looked at the situation as weird.

I didn't want to think anymore. The last thing I tucked in my carry on was the sun block Edward brought me. Now more than ever I was glad I was going away for a while I needed to get out of this town and away from Edwards friendly gestures, and most importantly away from Charlie's conversations.

**A/N**

**I tried all day yesterday to upload this and it wouldnt let me. I guess decided to give me a good bday because soon as i got on here today i could do it. so happy birthday to me.(shots all around)**

**Check out mjimenez428 Letters to Heaven and show her some love. its only a few chapters in but i promise it will tug at your heart strings.**

**i will try realy hard to update soon as possible.**

**I just want to thank all of you who review this story. i appreciate all of you and your insight is not taken for granted. i love reading how you think about my characters. i love those of you who let me know in every chapter w/o fail. **

**Thank you for reading. Review if you must.**


	21. Chapter 21

**trueloveoverall makes this work. There is no words to discribe how thankful i am. you rock my world.**

**dont own it.**

**Rob's versions of the songs for this chapter.**

Chapter 20: "A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking." -Earl Wilson

The chill of the breeze hits my bare legs and caused a shiver along my body. I have a nice warm sweater but I can't help but shake a little from the unexpected cold hitting me. Right now even if it started snowing on the beach I can't take my eyes off the sky, with the colors melting into each other, the purples, reds, oranges are slowly disappearing and letting the dark blue take over the massive expanse. The stars poke out and are now visible but there is something that even California can't take away from Forks, at night when you look up you can see the stars.

I can't believe I am actually able to say that I miss my little town. I like it and I wish I was back. Not that I didn't enjoy my vacation. I did, I mean I do. It was nice to get away and live differently for a while, but I miss my dad, I miss my Jake and even though I don't want to admit it, I miss my Edward.

It's funny though, we haven't spent any significant amount of time with each other but our last face to face talk the night before I left, felt like something shifted. For the first time in years I felt like my friend was back. The talking and the reminiscing was almost needed between us. We would always talk about Tanya and the shit that happened between us. We never just let the bad go and remember the good and when we did I felt much better. I felt much better about us maybe being friends again.

Being here for three weeks and being far from all the bull shit has helped me see and think about things in a different perspective.

The first week we were here was exhausting; Leah was like nonstop on all the touristy things we could do. We hit a lot of clubs in Hollywood and bars in Long Beach. We even took an impromptu trip to San Diego and went to Sea World. I had to stop her when she wanted to cross the border and hit Tijuana. I knew if she went there it would mean that she would spend the rest of the trip in Mexico. She was determined to see a donkey show. I didn't even want to ask what that show was even about; knowing Leah I'm sure it wasn't something I would want to be a part of.

Seth was kind enough to take us everywhere his sister desired; at that point I was just along for the ride. Leah wanted to do all the things Alice wouldn't be able to do once she got here. She didn't want to exclude her from anything and I couldn't agree more.

The second week the Cullen's joined us and Alice was so happy to be there. My surprise was that not only did Emmett decide to join them; he got Rosalie out here as well. I wasn't expecting to be spending any type of time with her but she didn't do anything to push the talk that was hanging over us.

They went their own way most of the time and the only time we all spent quality time is the nights we decided on having bon fires. Seth would bring a few friends over to his dad's house and we end up on their back deck with a few guitars and just singing some classic California tunes.

Seth friend Dwayne went into a very respectful rendition of California love from Tupac, it was impressive if I say so myself. Some Sublime was also crooned out and I'm not going to lie, there might have been some joints that were being passed around. I didn't partake in that but the energy was so laid back that I didn't completely freak out when they started passing in to the left.

During this time I would receive text messages from Jake and Edward. They have become quite the partners in crime over there. Last weekend they even went fishing with my dad. Yeah, I was glad that they were friends; I had always wanted them to be close but now I don't know how I feel about them being this close.

Once Alice was here we went to Disneyland; yes, you heard right Disneyland. I had never been and well it was true that it is the happiest place on earth. I had more fun than I thought and we rode every single ride. I'm not much for heights but thank god there was only a few of those there.

The weather was as expected, warm, hot… very hot but I had my trusty sun block to prevent any uncomfortable sun burns.

It was interesting to spent time with Esme and Carlisle. I've known them for years and we have always been close but seeing them every day for these weeks was something else. The pda was definitely on display. I found them adorable; they have always been very affectionate but nothing like how I have seen them on this trip.

Also this was probably the first time Carlisle and myself had a one-on-one conversation. I was over their place that they are staying at, which was only about 10 minutes from Leah's dad's house. I was waiting for Alice to get ready so we can take off to San Pedro. He caught me waiting on the balcony facing the ocean.

"Bella, I see that Alice has you waiting"

"Oh, yeah its ok it's still early."

"I hope that us coming here didn't bother you but you know how Alice can be. She really loves you. You know?"

"Of course not, Alice is like the little sister I never had. She mean as much to me as I mean to her. I was glad that you guys decided to head west this time."

"Well, you know if I would have said no she would have gone on and on about my blondness making the wrong decisions." He said while trying to hold back the chuckle.

"I keep telling her to not do that, you know the blond jokes."

"I think they're funny and I know that when it comes to me she doesn't mean them. Others well I can't say the same."

There was an awkward silence after that exchange when he broke it by asking me about Edward.

"So, Edward told me that he informed you about him moving back permanently."

"Yeah, he mentioned it last time I saw him. By the way that reminds me on how embarrassed I actually am regarding the whole sit-" he cut me off.

"Don't be, you were the victim of James disgusting attributes. I don't know how his father puts up with all the crap he does. I thank God my boys are nothing like that"

"You two actually raised good kids. How many twenty something young men spend a year or any type of free time doing charitable work? I have to say I always found that impressive from both of them."

It was obvious that Edward did more than Emmett in that aspect but I didn't want to just acknowledge him solely.

"I'm sorry to see the dynamic of your friendship with Rosalie now. I always found you two to be good influence on Alice. I also considered both of you part of this family. I still do it's just not the same having one around without the other. I hope things work out between you two"

I gave him a small smile. I didn't want to tell him maybe or we'll see because I don't even know if that's fixable. He told me he was going to check on Alice and see if she was going to have me waiting longer. He started walking in the house when he looked back at me and said "Bella for the record Esme and myself have always liked you for Edward. I never was a fan of Tanya"

IC

San Pedro was beautiful and we spent the whole day there. We ended up eating at a Sea Food Restaurant that was on the dock. It was really beautiful. Alice was extremely happy that Jasper was arriving tomorrow and couldn't wait. For being such a young couple they were truly devoted. You could just tell that they were it for each other.

I would always ask her if she might be holding herself back so young. She simple tell me "Bella, if you and Edward would have just pulled your heads out of your own asses you two would have been together since high school. I doubt that anything would have changed your mind on knowing he was the one."

I couldn't argue with her because if I would have had Edward in High school I wouldn't let anything come between us.

During our meal I suggested to Leah that we make a dinner for her dad and step mother for letting us use the beach house. She insisted that it wasn't necessary and that Harry owed her 'years of being a dick any way.'

Her words not mine.

I told her that it didn't matter I would feel much better if I did something to show them my gratitude. She kicked in screamed practically but she finally gave in.

The next day she let them know and we got to planning what we would make. I didn't feel bad about not inviting the Cullen's; Jasper had gotten in sometime that day and Alice would be doing and talking him everywhere. That meant the whole clan was going to be site seeing as well.

We did tell Seth to show up and help us out with the grilling. We bought some T-bone stake. I had to ask Seth what was his father's favorite meal since Leah refused to help me out on that department.

"Who cares what he likes. He should be thankful that you even want to cook for him." she said dryly.

"Leah, you need to be nicer. After all he is letting us stay here for almost a month and we've been here two and a half weeks. You'll regret not spending some time with him"

"Yeah, sis" Seth chimed in. " He really wants to make things right with you but you scare him, I swear I have never seen him cry but the one time he called you and you told him to go to hell he did. Why do you think he didn't think twice to let you stay here? Give him some credit. He is trying but you make it impossible for him."

"Unlike you Seth, I don't forgive at the first sorry he threw out there. I'll make him work for it, and even with that I don't know if I want to forgive him but it'll be fun to watch."

I can see where she's mad at her dad. He did what he did to their mother and she feels like he cheated on them too but the man has become a door mat for her. I seen her just basically call him an ass hole and he just takes it.

But who am I to judge that relationship.

"Leah, what does he have to do to show you that he loves you? I mean he lets you come here and do what you want. You practically call him an idiot every time you see him and you just dismiss Lisa all together."

Leah, walked away from that conversation with an eye roll and a 'whatever'.

I finish making the side dishes and Leah helped by making a garden salad. When I say she made I actually should specify she opened a bag a put it in a bowl. Harry and Lisa showed up with a wine to go along with the meal. We made small talk as we waited for the meat to be done.

Once we all were seated I went on to tell both Harry and Lisa how grateful we where for their hospitality. Leah kept quiet, which I guess was probably best since she tends to just go off on him. Conversation when light until the whole Sue remarrying came up.

"I talked to mom today Seth." Leah said "and I guess Charlie and her have decided on a simple wedding down la push. Just us you know the kids and who ever will be performing the ceremony."

I just remembered that Charlie had text me in the morning informing me about them making decisions for the wedding.

"I guess they can't wait too long before school starts for you so right at the end of the summer. She said they'll even pay for the ticket for you."

It was quiet for a few minutes maybe, it felt awkward having this conversation with Harry there. Maybe this is what an adult does, you have to make things work or at least attempt them to be as normal as possible. Still I wanted to ask Harry how he felt; he gave nothing away during the information just presented during dinner. He just kept on chewing on his meat like it was the best darn thing he had ever had. Linda just smiled and made a comment on how beautiful summer wedding are.

And that was the end of that.

Once everyone was stuffed Leah offered to put the dishes in the dishwasher for me since I made the side dishes and Seth cooked the meat. I stepped out to the deck. The air was fresh and the smell of the ocean made me think of La Push and that got me wondering of what Jake was doing which got me assuming his probably with Edward.

You see how that works. Even when I don't intentionally want to think of him he creeps in my mind.

I could hear Seth starting his rant on how USC is better than UCLA, Linda's old alma mater.

"They could go on for hours" Harry said as he stepped outside with me.

"Rivals schools could do that to you" I said.

"Bella, thank you for the dinner, it was a lovely gesture and I know Leah had nothing to do with it." He said facing the ocean. I looked at him his profile looked so much different from what I remember. His hair is all gray now, there were no signs of it being black like Leah's or Seth's hair.

"You're welcome. Thank you for putting up the house for us. Really it's been incredible being here and about Leah she loves you she just hasn't let go yet.."

He took a deep breath in and exhaled it slowly as if it hurt to let it out.

"I know I messed up. But I never wanted things to change between her and I. but it seems that everything I do isn't good enough."

I didn't know what to tell him, but I found this the perfect time to ask about the whole Charlie, Sue triangle they have going on here.

"Do you hate my father?" I asked. Not exactly what I wanted to say but it just came out that way.

He turns to look at me. I can see him hesitate and leans on the banister.

"When I first found out that they were seeing each other, I was angry. More like furious. I felt betrayed. I wanted to hurt him."

"How did you find out?"

"You know Charlie, he has to be the most stand up guy ever. He actually called me up and told me he was falling in love with her."

That's definitely a Charlie move.

"I don't think all of you know that they been together for a while now. It's been more than a year."

Yeah, we kind of figured they been keeping it pretty quiet for a long time. They've been acting like an old married couple.

"We figured as much" I replied.

"Anyway when he told me I was pissed. I called him every name in the book. I didn't understand how my best friend. Hell the one who actually stood by me as my best man is telling me this. But he took and just told me he was sorry I felt that way."

He stayed quiet for a few moments, "Then Sue called me. She told me that I was the one that cheated I was the one that lied and she asked me if I still loved her. She said it wouldn't change a thing but she was at a loss as to why I reacted that way. She understood that it was my best friend and that I would be mad but I took it beyond that."

"Do you? I mean did you still love her? "

"I will always love her she gave me the best two things in my life and that would be my children. But I realized I was being selfish, Lisa almost left me. She didn't understand why I cared. Truth is I still don't know. In a certain way I felt that Sue was mine' nobody else's. I didn't want her but I didn't want her to move on either. I know how that sounds but that's how it was. It took me a long time to realize that I couldn't ask for anybody better to take care of her. I always thought that Renee did your dad wrong. He is such a good man. I love them both. I had to learn to be happy for them. Will we ever sit around a table and have a holiday together? If I were them I wouldn't invite me." He gave me a lazy smile and patted me on the shoulder.

"So to answer your question; No, I don't hate Charlie, I could never. He is a far better man then I will ever be. They belong together. They both had shitty first spouses.

IC

So here I am sitting on the beach and watching the sun slowly tucks itself into the horizon. The sky is almost completely covered in the dark and I can feel my phone vibrating.

**Bella one more week and your back. I can't wait.-Jake**

Great he is drunk, every time he misses me his been drinking. Before I'm able to respond he sends me another message.

**Don't worry Bella I'm keeping the sluts away from your boy. Oh yea he's got a surprise for you -Jake**

"Hey chica get your ass inside its getting a fuckin cool out here." Leah yells out at me from the sliding door.

"I'm coming." I tell her as I decide to not answer jakes text messages. I rather have some sleep and enjoy the last week. Plus I had to get up early because the Cullen's were headed back today to get Alice settled in to the apartment that I guess Edward was able to find for her.

I woke up to some No Doubt being played throughout the house.

…_.don 't let me out of your sight_

_I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite…_

When Leah came in the room and jumped up on the bed and stood above me using her hair brush as a microphone she sang,

…_I've had it up to here!_

_The moment that I step outside_

_So many reasons for me to run and hide…._

"Get up chica this starts off our last seven days and we are not sleeping in. There is too much beach, too much sun, and most importantly too many hot surfers wearing wet suits and looking hot and yum. So, up…up…up!" She said while jumping in the bed.

After I pushed her off the bed and landing on her ass Leah left me alone for another ten minutes before she came in with a pitcher full of water and threaten me to get up or said water would end up on me.

That got me up and going.

Putting on some shorts and a bathing suit top I stepped to the warm sand and walked to a spot that would give me a nice view on how Leah glues herself to the surfers and bats her eyelashes and was acting all girly so they can teach her the fundamentals of surfing.

This should be fun.

The weather was warmer then yesterday, which made it pretty hot. I extended my towel and put on my sun block. Got my extra dark sunglasses and slipped them on. Placing the beach bag as a pillow I laid down keeping an eye on how Leah flirted her way through the surfers..

They seemed to find her funny since they all kept laughing out loud. Suddenly a particular guy caught my eye he was out in the water catching a decent size wave. Something about his build reminded me of Edward.

Suddenly I hear a laugh coming from the left of me. It sounded familiar I looked up and found a tall man standing beside me. I couldn't get focus on the face because the sun was beaming pretty strong and the glasses weren't helping.

"SURPRISE!" Jake yelled enthusiastically.

"Jake! What are you doing here?" I asked a little dumbfounded.

"What am I doing here? Cant a guy misses his best friend and try to surprise her?"

"Jake, not even when I was in college did you make an attempt to visit me. That's when we went months without seeing each other."

"Ah, my dear Bella you know me too well. Ya see, my new best friend of the male kind offered to fly me out." He said as he took the spot next to me.

"Are you here with-"I didn't even need to finish the question when I see the surfer that was riding the wave running towards us. Half way from reaching us he started zipping down the wet suit and removed it from his upper half. Showing off his amazing body.

Jake was big Emmett big, more like body builder muscles. Edward he had more of a lean swimmers body, his muscles where defined but not bulky. Once he got his arm free from the wet suit he continued his jog towards us.

"Hey Bella. The waves are amazing." He said casually. Like we've spent everyday here together.

I could see the way the drops of water decorated his torso and couldn't help but notice how a drop from his hair slowly slid down his chest down the six pack and on to his happy trail.

"Hey" I replied weakly, I was a little distracted.

"So E here is having us stay with him at the beach house his parents where staying at."

"We?" I asked

"Duh, Bella do you think I would come here without the old ball and chain. She's back at the house resting"

"When did you guys get in?"

"Early in the morning, but I didn't want to miss out on some waves." Edward said.

He was acting weird.

"PRETTY BOY! What are you doing here?" Leah ran up and hugged him while giving Jake the finger.

Classy.

"I got jealous that the family got to enjoy the beautiful scenery here," he said while looking directly into my eyes." So I said fuck it were goin' and invited Jake and Carle."

Leah left the forgotten surfers to do their thing while she settled in next to me as Edward and Jake talked about the things going on in Forks. For being two guys they sure knew all the gossip.

After an hour and a lot of talking by all three of them. I was still a little disoriented on the fact that they were here. Leah insisted on getting Seth to come down and bring his group so we could have a bond fire and play some music at night.

Both Jake and Edward headed back to their beach house and decided to come back around seven in the evening. Leah couldn't shut up about how cool it was going to be to have some of our boys here.

Finally a little past seven Seth arrived there with the same group of boys from last time but some girls joined them this time. Edward, Jake and Carle showed up minutes after Seth. Introduction were made Jake and Seth were bonding and telling everyone that they have known each other since both where still residing in their fathers ball sacks.

Yeah, nice visual.

We decided to ditch the idea of the bon fire since the winds started picking up. We opened the sliding door to the deck and Dwayne the rapper brought his guitar again and started playing some songs.

I was in the corner of the deck bundled up to Leah. When the guitar suddenly got passed to someone else who happened to be Edward.

"He plays the guitar?" Leah asked.

"Yeah, I mean back in high school he would practice, he wasn't really good but I guess he kept it up."

"So are you telling me that not only is he hot, helps the poor, is rich, he fuckin plays the guitar. Wait does he sing?"

"Yeah." I said wincing, I knew how sexy Edward was when he sang and I also knew how girls go ape shit over it.

"Oh god I think my ovaries exploded" she stated rather loudly. Some people looked back at us.

He started stroking the guitar. He closed his eyes and everyone went quiet.

_And their eyes were on a double string and their hands lay  
>softly on the street now<br>And I do believe that honestly that I know this is where I want to be right now  
>There are pictures in her eyes, they're a thread up for the skies<br>So I wait  
>Now with our souls misunderstood<br>And our minds they saw a map of a way  
>For how looong.<br>For how long, how long must you take.  
>I was set for that mistake but you moved.<br>And when there was nothing then that I couldn't take  
>Its all on you, darlin'<br>You took me when my eyes were turned  
>Its all on you, baby<br>You turned your back when I tried to learn  
>Still I cannot lift my eyes<br>If your hands are turning mine  
>But you dared not<br>What you said our souls could contain  
>They could contain<br>But now I'm gone  
>With a broken twisted soul in mind<br>But for how long?  
>Cause I've wasted this train of youth all on you, all on you<br>Its all on you  
>Its all on you<br>Its all on you  
>Its all on you<br>Its all on you  
>Its all on you<em>

His voice melted in my soul. There was cheering when he finished the last note rang in the air and the applause was heard and felt. There was hollering and I could hear Jake praising him.

"E, that was better then when you did it at Sam's last week." He told him.

I wonder how many times he has sang at the bar. I wonder how many groupies he has now.

"OK it's official," Leah said bringing me back from my inner dialogue about groupies, "not to be anything like evil step sister numero uno but if you don't plan on hitting that do you mind if I take a turn? Because that was fuck hot. Seriously Bella, you don't have to marry the guy but you should at least enjoy those hands, those fingers…" she said as she acted like her body was shivering.

I didn't respond to anything Leah was going on about. I couldn't stop looking at him. There was a change in him. I don't know what it was. He has been nice but nothing over the top, he even made some jokes that I didn't know he had in him. He seems free, he seems like his happy and I haven't seen that on him in a long time, well around me anyway.

The guitar got passed to someone else and they started signing some Green Day. Edward got up and grabbed a beer that was in this big bucket full of ice. He locked eyes with me and made his way to our corner.

"Ladies, what did you think?" He asked giving us that damn crooked smile of his.

"Pretty boy, I didn't know you where so talented. I wonder what other surprises you have hiding under your pant-"

"What Leah was trying to say," I cut her off, "was we're impressed. I didn't realize you kept on with the guitar and your voice is better than what I remember."

"I kind of let it go for a long time but the last year has inspired me to pick it up again. It always reminds me of the good things in my life. So, yeah."

Leah suddenly got up and excused her self saying that she was going to try and have someone serenade her. He just smiled at her and gestured to the seat next to me. I nodded and he joined me in the seat.

"I see that the vacation has been good to you"

"It's been good. You know anywhere with that crazy girl and your sister is good times"

"I bet. I have to admit I kind of hijacked your Best friend over there the last few weeks. He's really funny and the shit that comes out of his mouth. Yeah, I wish I had no filter like him"

"I don't think your missing out. That no filter thing he's got going on can and does back fire on him a lot"

"I guess but he is so carefree. You know he told me that I act like a forty year old man."

"Did you respond by telling him he still acts like a thirteen year old boy"

"He is this man child isn't he?"

"Yeah, just a little." I said sarcastically

We both started laughing. He filled me in on the apartment/house hunting he's been doing. "Can you believe that lady? I mean she volunteers with my mom at the homeless shelter in Port Angeles. I was appalled that she even offered that to me!"

Some how Edward was shocked that a particular woman his mother knows that offered to show him some properties decided to offer him her own personal services. I was laughing uncontrollably. The look on his face was priceless. He honestly didn't understand why this forty something year old woman would even go there with him.

"I mean what is wrong with her. Can you just imagine Esme if she ever found out." He said.

"Esme would not put up with no cougar hitting on her son. Oh, can I tell her?" I teased him.

"Ha. Ha." he said dryly. "I'm glad this makes you laugh."

"I can't help it." I said giving him a toothy smile.

"Oh! Before I forget did you know that the guy you went out with last year that teacher what was his name? Bow?"

"Close but you mean Aro." I corrected him.

"Yeah, that guy. Sorry to inform you Bella but his gay." he said seriously.

"I know that Edward. Why do you think we didn't keep seeing each other? If he weren't gay I would have married the man. How do you know anyway?" I asked.

" I was out jogging and saw him leaving Marc's house. We all know his gay and it was about five in the morning. It was obvious even to me, and you know I'm known for not seeing what people are all about."

I asked him if he's told anybody but he assured me he wasn't that stupid and plus its none of his business what people do.

"What time is good for you?" He asked me.

"What time? What are you talking about?" I questioned him.

"I'm picking you up in the morning and I'm teaching you to surf." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"No, your not" I firmly told him.

"Yes I am. Its time you get over the fear of the water. So I think six is good. Don't worry I have a wet suit and a surfboard ready. Leah is joining us so don't feel like I'm just picking on you."

I'm not afraid of water. I'm good in a pool where I could see the floor, not in the ocean where it's dark and scary. Lets not even start on the sharks, ok? I could sit out in the sun but he can't force me to do anything I don't want to do.

IC

"So, just push yourself up like so," he said as he landed on his feet, "and that's all there is to it"

Yeah, ok it's easy for him but he knows this shit is not going to work for me. I'm going to fall and a shark will eat me and that will be the end of me.

"Stop." He said pointing at me "I can see that brain of yours just thinking of every bad scenario. Don't freak out I'll be right next to you and I wont let anything happen to you."

Leah didn't help one bit when she just went in there and did it on the first try. She always made everything seem easy.

"Okay Bella show me what ya got." He said as he picked up his board and carried it into the water.

I took a deep breath, had a little conversation with myself and convinced myself that I could do this. It also helped that I was following Edward and his tight ass into the water. Shaking my head to get the dirty, dirty images polluting my mind out.

I did as Edward instructed and I paddled out pretty far, far to me anyway, and he stayed with me the whole time. We were making small talk to distract me from the impeding death he was leading me into. As I was lying on the board I saw a wave forming just a head of us.

"Bella this is it, just paddle as fast as you can and jump up just like we did in the sand ok? Don't be afraid I'm not going any where." he told me.

Not going to lie I think I peed a little. My adrenaline must have kicked in because I was paddling my ass off. Some how I was able to push myself off and stand up I was shaky but was able to stand up for at least five seconds before I slipped off.

I was laughing as I came up from under the water. "Oh my god did you see that I actually stayed on more then a second!"

"I did. You did good Bella."

"Lets do it again!" I exclaimed.

After standing up two more times a few seconds longer than the previous success I was done for the day. Edward had to drag me out this time. He told me that my body was going to be pretty sore if I tried to over do it. So with that we headed back to the house.

Leah had bailed shortly after I went into the water. She had a lunch date with a surfer she has been flirting since we've got here. By the time we got to the house Leah was out the door with Ivan the surfer, some trust fund baby that spends his days surfing and also picking up feisty women.

Jake and Carle decide to cruise around and see if they found any celebrities, which left Edward with no transportation. I offered to take him since Ivan was driving Leah and Harry had lend us a car to use while staying here.

"I can give you a ride if you want." I offered.

"When Jake dropped me off this morning he took the house keys with him. All the other spares where left inside."

I almost questioned why they did that since he knew Jake would be out most of the day. I didn't want to over think anything and realizing that it is what it is I suggested watching a movie to kill some time. While Edward read off the movies they had I made a couple of sub sandwiches.

Four hours later and a couple stuffed stomachs and a few cramps because of laughing so hard we finally finished both Harold and Kumar movies. I don't know if we actually paid much attention to them but we kept on making having idea's for a stoner movie of our own.

Leah decided to come home for ten minutes to change out of her clothes to something more romantic. Whatever that meant. She came out in a very tight dress with some really high red heels with a wink and with a 'don't wait up' she was out.

"I think we should go out to get some dinner." Edward suggested.

"Nah, don't feel like getting ready. Let's just order some pizza and keep doing the whole couch potato thing."

"Sounds even better." He said with a smirk

The next three days included lounging around and having some good fun. As Jake kindly put it we were just sitting back and talking shit. There was no drama; there was no weird tension. Something had changed in these few days. I didn't feel hurt anymore when I looked at him. Seeing him so carefree and being the Edward from so many years ago, actually he was being the Edward that Jake created and that has been refreshing.

Leah and Ivan decided to have a double date with Jake and Carlie. I definitely didn't want to join that dinner. It would have felt like being in a date with Edward. I was just getting use to the idea of being his friend. It would have been too strange.

We didn't join them but we did ended up hanging out together and watching some Leo DiCaprio movie. I don't think I have to tell you that got turned off half way through it.

Another couple of hours passed by and we ended up on the deck. We noticed that Dwayne forgot his guitar and it was leaning right against the corner where I was seated the first night they came over. He walked up to it and picked it up, he set the chair right in front of me and started playing some melody.

"I've decided that we can be friends again." I said to him. He looked up at me and gave me a big smile. A real smile that reached his eyes; it was the smile that has had the same affect on me for years. The one that makes my heart skips a beat.

"Good. I have been waiting for a long time to have you back. Listen to this." he said as he changed the melody and began to sing without taking his eyes off mine.

_I was tied but now unbound  
>My head is off the ground<br>For a long time I was so weary  
>Tired of the sound, I've heard before<br>The gnawing of the night time at the door  
>Haunted by the things I've made<br>Stuck between the burning light and the dusty shade_

Said I used to think the past was dead and gone  
>But I was wrong, so wrong<br>Whatever makes you blind must make you strong, make you strong  
>In my time I've melted into many forms<br>From the day that I was born, I know that there is no place to hide  
>Stuck between the burning shade and the fading light<p>

I was broken for a long time  
>But it's over now<br>Said I was broken for a long time  
>But it's over now<p>

Yes and you,  
>yeah well you walk these lonely streets that people send, people send<br>There are some wounds that just can't mend  
>And I do pretend<br>Now I'm free from all the things that take my friends  
>And I will stand here till the end<br>Now I know I can take the moon  
>Stuck between the burning shade and the faded light<p>

And I was broken for a long time  
>But it's over now, it's over now<br>Mm it's over now, now, now  
>It's over now, it's over now.<br>It's over now, now

Said I was broken for a long time  
>But it's over, but it's over<br>But it's over, but it's over  
>But it's over, but it's over<br>But it's over now, now, now, now  
>But it's over, love is over<br>But it's over now  
>But it's over, love is over<br>But it's over now, now, now  
>I was broken for a long time yeah<br>But it's over, but it's over now yeah  
>Over now, it's all over, it's over now.<p>

I don't know when the guitar was put down. I don't know how we ended up so close. I don't know when my arms wrapped around his neck.

All I know was that when I found my mouth so close to his I couldn't stop myself.

I didn't want to stop. I craved him, I've always craved him. For the first time in my life I stopped thinking what would happen. I stopped questioning the outcome.

Our lips touched and his mouth slowly sucked on my lower lip. We couldn't get close enough. I wanted to melt into him. Our mouths opened up and our tongues danced while tasting each other.

I don't know when I straddled him or when I told him not to stop. I heard myself but I couldn't feel anything. Everything had been building up for so many years it just wanted to be released. .

In that moment I wished we had joined the other four people because what we did next friends don't do.

**A/N:**

**Sorry for the wait my beta actually send this to me yesterday but i just had time now to upload it.**

**i dont want to drag this story so, chapters will be longer just so i can cover more. next chapter is halfway done so the wait wont be long.**

**like i said on top both songs are versions of Rob i love his voice along with other things;)**

**thank you for reading. review if you must.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Beta'd by trueloveoverall she makes this bearable and readable. there seriously is no words to thank you. **

**Everybody should check out her story One of the Guys.**

**mjimenez428 the answer to your question that i've dodged is here.**

**Also she has this increadible story Letters To Heaven that i heart so much check her out.**

**oh, yeah one more thing I DONT OWN IT.**

**on with the show...**

Chapter 21: "Don't go through life, grow through life"- Eric Butterworth

Hands touched everywhere. It wasn't hurried or desperate but they were soft and careful. There where minimal words but lots of noise. I felt his weight on me. It was comfortable the way his body lay on top the way he softly caressed me. I was intoxicated; I was drunk off him. He said "love" and "always". Don't ask me what was said before or after I was too involved in the way his hand slowly unbuttoned my blouse.

I felt the heat on my skin. Every cell that felt his touch turned on like wild fire. I could feel my face warm and I could hear my breath trying to keep up with everything that was going a mile a minute.

"I never meant to hurt you," he told me as he pushed back my blouse off my shoulders, "if I could I go back and do everything differently." He continued as he kissed down on my left shoulder near my bra strap. I was focusing on his lips slowly dragging on my skin and nearing my breast.

I could feel the way he skimmed down to my chest and I felt him inhale. "Mmm." he murmured. I was biting my bottom lip so hard trying not to make any type of embarrassing noise.

A few things came to my mind.

Slut was one of them.

Its official Renee was right. What the fuck am I doing?

He felt my inner turmoil and stopped nibbling on my neck.

"Bella, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I'll stop if you want me to." he told me as he came up and looked me in the eyes.

But somehow I really didn't care what this looked like. All I know its that it felt right.

"Shh." Was all I was able to say.

It felt so good being there with the one person I've loved for so long, but what does this make me?

I want to have something for me. He didn't go back to nibbling he just kept looking at me.

For the first time I recognized the love he's been telling me about. It was almost funny how all this shit could have been avoided if we simply would have been honest with each other all those years back.

Without much thought about my character or morality I grab the back of his neck and pull him to me. This kiss was no longer soft and sweet, it was rough and hard.

It was years of pent up emotion, it was lust, it was love and it was sex.

It was everything I've denied myself with anybody else, because that's what I've done. I've unconsciously have been waiting for him. I've had suitors and in college I had more then one opportunity to just do it.

But for me, it has always been about love and without it sex would be disposable. Even though I've been fighting it, I still love him. I don't know why, it's like this love is deeply rooted in me. The realization frustrates me because of all the shit that's happened.

I've come to realize that its all been unintentional, its taken me a long time to recognize that he has been hurt also. He thought it was easier to believe a lie than believe the truth because that is what he did with Tanya.

In between my hungry kiss I pulled his shirt up wanting it off him. He helped me out and in one motion slipped it off and threw it across the room.

We were now skin to skin with only my bra as a barrier between our bodies.

Never had I experience anything remotely close to this. There was a few times when some guy tried to get fresh and grope me, but that would end quickly and fast.

"You" kiss "feel" kiss "so good." He says as he kisses down my chest but stops and looks up at me.

We were making up for all those years of avoiding eye contact, not just eye contact, physical contact and emotional contact.

It was over whelming.

I refused to take this to a dark place. More than once my mind slips and tries to pull me to that place of insecurity.

I don't care anymore what people will think or say. I never cared so why should I start now?

Maybe it's the fact that we are in another place. It makes it easy to forget all the drama that's been going on: all the lies, the truths, the fights, the make-ups, the friendships lost, and the friendships gained.

All this was going on while he kissed me back just as passionately.

Passion I never thought that would be part of my life. I had given up on it in all honesty.

I parted my legs so he slips in between them. It feels better, its more natural. But I'm wearing shorts that are thin and his wearing board shorts that feel like paper at this moment.

I feel him. I feel all of him. More importantly he's there. Where nobody has ever been.

I've never been.

Leah couldn't understand how I've never touched my self. I just simple told her if I've never had it how would I know what I'm missing.

It feels good, the way he is rocking back and forth. It does things to my body. I don't even have control over it. My body just starts reacting to the friction we were creating.

I moan deeply, it sounds foreign to me, but I can't make myself stop. I want him to take everything off. I want him. I start feeling even hotter even with the window open and the cool sea breeze filling up the room.

The act where currently engaged in is taken over any common sense I might have in me.

It's very good.

I don't know when it happens but my eyes are closed tight as I feel this build up inside me. I feel like I'm in one of those roller coasters Leah made me ride earlier in the trip.

The rising up and up, then suddenly out of nowhere you're falling

I'm falling and like during the roller coaster my eyes are locked up tight and I see stars and I hear my heart beating and I feel his heart beating even faster. Before getting on the roller coaster you get scared but once your there the adrenaline kicks in and next thing you know your having fun, exiting, and you cant wait to ride it again. This was the exact same feeling.

All of a sudden the build up of pressure bursts, I moan Edward's name quietly as I am coming down from the Edward induced high. Shortly after I hear Edward moan my name and him fall on top of me.

My body feels heavy but in a good way. I feel sleepy my eyes open up lazily I cant help but give a shy smile.

I feel good. I feel better then good. I feel great.

He returns the shy smile and slowly slides off and settles next to me. My head is on his chest and his arm is pulling me in.

I felt like I've always belonged here with him. I didn't let my brain go back to all the fuckery that actually is involved with us.

I take a deep breath. I smell him it should be bottled and sold that's how good it is. I feel his fingers slowly caressing my back. With him slowly caressing and the sound of the waves sleep came and took over.

**IC**

Crunch

Crunch

Crunch

I heard as I slowly woke up from a weird dream. The dream was unclear as I opened my eyes to natural light shinning though the open window. I thought to myself how I forgot to close that last night.

Last night…

Oh shit. I can't even blame it on the alcohol this time. I only had some ice tea.

Crunch

Crunch

I was lying on my stomach and the sound of someone eating was by my feet. Did Edward wake up and is just sitting there eating looking at me. I feel eyes burning at the back of my head.

I slowly move my arm to the other side of the bed to see if I'm just imagining him by my feet when I feel a body right next to me and a low snoring coming from said body. I turn my head to look to the direction of the body and there he is facing me fast asleep.

Yeah he looks good in the morning too. I could just imagine if he opened his eyes and saw me.

Not a pretty picture.

Wait if he's there who the hell is …

"Lucy, you have some essplainin' to do." Leah said in a very bad Ricky Ricardo accent as she sat there at the end of the bed with her legs crossed and a bowel of what seem to be cheerios.

That is some noisy ass cereal.

Placing my hand over my heart because she scared the shit out of me.

"Leah, what the fuck are you doing?" I said as I tried to calm myself down.

"What the fuck am I doing? Well not nearly as much as you are apparently." She said as she kept on eating her noisy cereal.

"Its not what it looks like" I whisper sitting up.

"Riiiight. Hey pretty wake up." she said as she uncrossed her leg and gave Edward a nudge.

"hmm?" was his answer.

"Damn is there any time of day where he just doesn't look good? I'm starting to grow a complex here. Jeez"

I was starting to get up so I can drag her ass out of there and I could somehow explain that whatever happened or didn't happen or almost happen in that room is just non of her business. But as I started to get up slowly he threw his arm over me and pulled me close to him.

"mmm, you smell so good. I can wake up with you next to me forever." hesaid as he took a deep breathe in to my hair.

"Aw, isn't that just adorable." Leah awed

I could feel Edward tense up when he finally realized that we weren't alone.

"This is going to be interesting." He said as he let go of me and sat up. Leaning against the headboard he rubbed his eyes.

"I don't know about interesting, don't get me wrong I hope it is but with you two who knows."

"Leah…can you get out?" I told her as I realized that I was just sitting here in my bra. I pulled up the sheet to cover myself up.

"Why? Your going to tell me everything anyway and if you two are going to have some awkward talk about whatever went on I'm just spearing you the repetition." she said seriously as she kept on crunching away.

I gave her the look of get the hell out.

She put her hand up as in surrendering "ok, ok I was just trying to make it easy. Oh and Edward you make her cry I'll break your penis. That's not a threat it's a promise.' she said as she closed the door shut.

I didn't even know what time it was but in this moment it really didn't matter.

"So…" we both said simultaneously. "You first" we both said at the same time again.

We started laughing at the same time, which just made the whole thing funny for some reason. After a few seconds of uncontrollable laughter we both were able to calm down and start speaking again. He waved his hand towards me letting me know to go first.

"So, when I said I wanted to be friends again. This is not what I had in mind."

"Oh, I was just going to tell you that if that's the way the friendship is going to be I don't mind at all." Edward said with his sideways smirk/smile thingy

"I bet, but seriously what are we doing?" I asked. I hope he had an answer because I was completely lost.

"Currently sitting here half dressed and Leah most likely pressed against the door to see if she could get any juice details." he said as we both glanced at the door.

"Alright, alright I'm going to my room." we heard Leah say as we heard the foot steps walking away.

"Sorry about her. She really means well."

"I know. I like her" he states

"And she loves you. She thinks you're to pretty for a guy. It annoys her in a good way I guess." I shrug

"I'm not going to indulge you in side tracking with Leah. We need to discuss our current friendship." He says getting straight to the point

Yes, friendship when I decided to tell him last night I really didn't expect him to sing to me and look at me the way he does all the time. I think I was just tired of fighting it.

So apparently I said fuck it to everything and everyone and just went with it.

"I still want to be friends. Whatever went on yesterday was clearly induced by the fact that your singing is some type of weapon against the female population."

"I've never sung in front of anybody before this trip. Jake got me to do it. It turns out all those years of singing to myself somehow paid off."

I have turned myself to face him. Like Leah I had my legs crossed and had a perfect view of his profile.

"I've never done anything like that. Well for the exception of your cousin trying something I never been involved in anything like that." I rambled out.

It was quiet for what seemed forever.

"I don't regret anything from last night. I'm not apologizing for it. It happened and if you're sorry for it then I'm not one to argue with you about it. But just know I don't regret it."

"So, you don't regret it."

"Nope." He said popping the p.

He turned and is now looking at me. He still looks happy and I don't see a trace of stress or worry on his features.

"I don't either." I said firmly. "With that said, its never happening again."

"Never?" he squeaked.

"That was a hiccup on the friendship, a slip it's clearing the air from all that sexual tension."

"I think we are suppose to have sex to make the tension go away" he said with a cheekily and then winked at me.

"Not gonna happen my friend." I said pushing his shoulder.

For the first time I think we are acting like adults.

"Is it weird that I don't even feel awkward about it. I mean I should be doing like the walk of shame or something. But I just don't feel it." I said.

"I think it doesn't feel awkward because it's us and things between us are natural."

I don't know if that was the best explanation to not feeling like a cheap slut, but I went with it.

After getting decent we walked out of the room like nothing happened. Leah was sitting down and watching the DiCaprio movie we had turned off yesterday.

"No wonder you two ended up doing something else. Leo is beautiful but his movies are long and you have to actually pay attention to know what the fuck is going on."

We both chuckled and got our selves some cheerios and joined Leah on the couch. She didn't ask and we didn't say anything. I mean there isn't much to say we are friends who just so happened to kiss each other last night. No big deal we are not the first and wont be the last ones to do it.

But there would be no repeat performance. Nope none at all.

**IC**.

Only one more day before we headed back to forks, I was both happy and sad. I couldn't wait to see Charlie and Sue since they started putting together the wedding that would be in around four weeks. I was currently packing my things before the guys got here for the night.

"Bella, I haven't asked but I'm hurt that you haven't told me what exactly is going on with you and Edward." Leah came in the room demanding.

I thought she gave up and wouldn't push. Guess I was wrong.

"There isn't anything to tell. Were friends." I told her simply as I continue to pack.

"Oh, no you are not just going to use that 'we are friends' bullshit. Something happened for crying out loud you had no shirt on and he had no shirt on. Come on give me something here." she said sounding like a small child demanding for a toy.

"Fine, we kissed. There happy"

"That's it you kissed. There must have been more then that because you were just in your bra"

"It was intense there." I said looking up at her

"Hmmm." She said as she took a seat on the bed. "So, you kissed but decided your just friends nothing else is going to happen. You two are so anti climatic, its ridiculous."

"What! Did you think that I was just going to jump into his arms and puff that was it. Not going to happen. Besides we talked about it and we're cool. Being friends is the best way to go with us."

"You two are so AHHHH!" she yelled as she stormed back out.

Just when I thought the conversation was over she came back in the room

"What are you going to do when he starts dating other people?" She suddenly asks.

"What do you want me to do? I dealt with him dating my stepsister for years. I think I could handle it." I replied

She walked out again muttering about wasting time and not realizing it.

Seth showed up with some really good Mexican food from King Taco "best Mexican restaurant." he stated. So, good that he stopped by and dropped off some food for Edward, Jake and Carle. Poor Carle was all I thought.

"Next time we're going to the Queen Mary that shit is suppose to be hunted." Leah said as she finished her food.

"Count me out" I replied.

"puss"

"bitch"

"slut"

"shut up"

"Ha! I win"

I just rolled my eyes and got up to clean up the table. Seth had invited his friends from last time and some more girls. Something about the ratio being too many dicks and not enough vagina.

I forget his almost as immature like Jake. Once everybody started showing up for our "farewell" party I felt much better about what happened with Edward and myself yesterday. I expected the guilt to kick in but it didn't.

Some red head by the name of Victoria came in like she owned the place. She was wearing a tight blue dress. So tight that we all knew she wasn't wearing any underwear. All the guys were jumping at the opportunity to talk to her. I was fixing myself a very strong coke and rum when the guys showed up with Carle.

The red head suddenly turned to the front door like she had smelt fresh new blood walking in. I saw how her eyes locked in on him and wouldn't divert away. She slowly got away from the three guys currently surrounding her and made her way directly to him.

At this point Jake and Seth were already fist bumping and taking a shot together. I just kept my eyes on the redhead. She was attractive, I mean if you like tall, thin, and beautiful.

Leah comes and stands next to me "I told ya, you see that?" She says nodding her head towards them "she's ready to stick her claws in him. It's a good thing your just friends and your able to handle it." were her parting words as she made her way back to the deck.

I took my drink and downed it, I just wanted to feel a little better but I'm not getting drunk. One of Seth friends that had been coming over for the gatherings puts his arm around me and starts talking about something. I wish I could at least distract myself to what ever is going on about but I can't take my eyes off them.

Edward is being polite and keeping conversation with her. Well, at least that's what I'm telling myself but even if he is getting her information on when or where they should hook up its none of my business. I'm okay with being just friends. I've decided that it won't bother me.

Maybe just a little.

She laughs and places her hand on his bicep and her head leans back. Is she serious with that? Edward is not that witty I should know. I thank god when I see Jake yell for Edward to join in on the shots he hesitates but I think he finds it as a way out because he joins the guys that are all huddled up to take a shot but he doesn't participate.

I'm still standing at the bar and see this other girl approach him. Red head has moved on to some other guy, now I have the California, tan, blond with blue eyes to compete with. She looks a lot like Tanya.

Great

She settles next to him and starts chatting it up. I hadn't realized that dude with his arm over me is still standing here talking. I had completely tuned him out. I wanted to walk over to him and take him to my room and have a repeat performance of last night.

One drink has me thinking crazy. I should just stop drinking all together. At that moment he finally looks around as if his looking for someone, once his eyes land on mine I can tell he notices the guy still draped over me talking about how he only smokes weed from the Afghan Mountains.

Hipsters.

I see him excuse himself from Tanya's double and walk towards me.

"Bella, can I speak to you in private for a moment"

"Sure, excuse me." I tell the guy, cause for the life of me I can't remember his name.

I asked him where he wanted to talk at. He simple grabbed my hand and led the way to my room.

"Sorry, about that but there was this one chick talking to me right now that reminded me of my psycho ex." He tells me as he sits on the bed. "Oh, and before her there was that red head, god you wouldn't believe the shit that she was saying. I think she would be perfect for James there both twisted."

I just started laughing. The whole time I'm standing there watching him and it never entered my mind that he was feeling uncomfortable with these girls.

"Were you having the same problem with the guy? You seemed like you where faraway?"

"I don't know I was tuning him out. I just caught something about him smoking weed. I was actually distracted watching you get back out there with these women." I told him as I sat next to him against the headboard. The room was dark and we could here Jake and Seth setting up for beer pong.

"Could we stay in here for a while." He asks

"You read my mind, not sure I want to be mingling right now. I'm feeling a little uneasy. Its probably the thought of flying back to reality."

"I know what you mean, I wish I would have came here sooner"

There was silence and then he spoke up again.

"I want this time around, you know our friendship, to be open and honest. No holding back. With that said I just want to tell you that I wanted to rip that guys arm off the whole time."

"That's how I felt about the red head and the blond," I said admittedly. "This is one fucked up friendship"

"No shit"

We are looking at each other there is no light in the room but the light from the moon is giving just enough to make out his face. Slowly he lifts up his hand and cups my face. I close my eyes because it's so tender and sweet.

Friends could be touchy.

I keep my eyes close but I could feel as he nears his face to mine. I open my eyes and there he is looking at me with his eyes and we are sharing the same air.

"I like our fucked up friendship. In fact I love it, anything with you is worth it"

We stay just looking at each other and I know I said no kissing and that whatever happened yesterday was just a one-time thing but that one drink I downed has taken over and I lean in for the kiss.

It's soft and perfect.

I end up on top of him just making out for the rest of the night. I think at one point I heard the door try to open but after the attempt of entering it was left alone. We talked in between the make out session about what exactly this meant.

"I'm not going to see anybody. Just thought you should know." he said as he kissed the side of my mouth.

"Okay" I replied kissing him back.

"I know you said that we are friends but I don't think this is how you act with Jake or Seth." he whispered as I slowly took his ear lobe into my mouth and sucked on it.

I slowly realized it out my mouth and answered him. "I don't"

He was now assaulting my neck when breathlessly he asked. "So, where exactly does this leave us as?"

"I don't know. Can we just go with the flow? I mean its obvious that whatever I said this morning has gone out the window." I replied not really too sure where this leaves us.

He chuckles "That it has, don't get me wrong I wont push but I want us" he said searching my eyes and I saw the sincerity.

Giving him a small smile I tell him "lets see how it goes after we go back to forks. I'm still feeling uneasy. You know that feeling you get on the pit of your stomach when something is about to happen?"

"Yeah"

"That's how I've been feeling since we walked in"

"I think your suppressing what you really want to do"

"What I really want to do?"

"Yeah, you want me. Its ok if its going to help you with that anticipation I'll willingly give in to you and let you have me" I could almost see his smirk through the dark.

"Shut up" I said playfully.

Completely forgetting about the gathering on the other side of the door we continued with the kissing. That could never get old. His hands were all over me slipping underneath my blouse and his fingers carefully caressing my skin. I wanted his hands to touch everything. With newfound bravery I found myself grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it off him. My hands automatically stroked his chest and felt every muscle tighten as my hand softly ran up and down his defined chest.

I was almost mimicking everything he was doing to me yesterday. I slowly kissed down his neck to his chest and continued downward until I found myself in front of his nipple. I could here him taking deep breath and murmuring something in to the air. I slowly dragged my teeth over his harden nipple.

I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I felt like a teenage girl with no experience what so ever. But his pleads of "don't stop" and "it feels so good" encouraged me to continue with it.

And like the night before common sense took the night over because we ended up with just our underwear. He didn't push for anything more but I could see that he wanted it as much as I did. But there was no way in hell I was just going to give it up just like that.

Although there where some moments when the heavy session was becoming to unbearable to resist.

After what seemed forever we heard Leah kick everybody out and telling Jake and Carle that they could sleep over. I'm assuming they're camped out in the living room. We were just laying there hearing the night noises fill in the silence that was stretching after the kissing.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I think you and your mom should talk. You know try to work it out. I don't want whatever has been going on with us and Tanya being a factor on to why you and her don't have a relationship."

"Why are you talking about this? I mean I haven't mentioned her and whatever problem we have goes beyond you, Tanya and me. Well it goes beyond you."

I hear him take a deep breath. "I just don't want to be part of anything that keeps you from your mother or your father for that matter, but Charlie doesn't hate me so… I just feel that if you and Renee sit down and have a heart to heart it could be better. You both seemed to stop listening to each other a long time ago. I just want you to be happy and even though you don't talk about it I'm pretty sure the whole situation hurts you"

"Thanks for the in sight Dr. Phil. Believe it or not I miss her, I love her. She's my mom even though she can't see beyond her world; I never wanted the situation between her and I to get to this. I'll see, maybe one day we could sit down and understand each other a little better."

Silence over took us once again both lost in our own thoughts. The whole Renee situation was heart breaking. I did want my mother in my life but she would have to back the fuck off. She's been on my mind the last few days I think my subconscious is trying to let me know not to give up on her. After all she wasn't like this always maybe I could help her find herself again.

I didn't want any negative thought to ruin these past beautiful days. We would be heading back to Forks tomorrow, well technically today, and still I couldn't shake the feeling of uneasy that has plagued me all of a sudden tonight. It must be the whole Edward thing. I snuggle closer to him some how that makes me feel better.

With him here with me I feel like I could handle anything. Be it Tanya or my mother or whatever story the town decides to blow up to make this more scandalous than it all ready is.

I remember that my phone has been dead for a while I tell Edward to hand it to me so I can plug it in. Once its plugged in, a few minutes go by when it comes back to life and the beeping that I have missed messages and voice mail goes off. I grab the phone and see twenty missed calls and at least a half dozen text messages.

I see Charlie's number and Sue's number. Edward asks me if everything is ok but that feeling that growing feeling in the pit of my stomach just grew even more.

First message is from Charlie's phone.

**Bells, I need you to call me**.

I notice that all the calls and messages have been in the last hour.

I can feel my heart getting frantic.

What is going on I check the next message that was sent five minutes after the first one.

**Isabella, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.**

**Do you and Leah not believe in having these damn phones on? It's an emergency call us!**

That one was from Sue. I checked all of them and nothing was given away but call us and it's important.

I try listening to the voice messages but at this point I'm shaking and maybe something happened to Charlie or Sue or both. Edward gets up and gets Leah up. Asks her if she has checked her phone but she says that it died two hours ago and she forgot to charge it as well.

Jake hears the commotion and remembers he has had his phone on vibrate the whole time. He to has messages from my dad and his telling him to call.

At this point I'm having a panic attack it's 3 am and all calls where made an hour ago.

Nothing good happens at this hour.

Edward takes charge as Leah and Jake try to call their parents. He's calling Charlie for me but no answer same goes for Leah and Jake.

Now I know how they felt when they where trying to reach us earlier.

That feeling has me thinking something happened to my dad. Maybe he got shot I think to myself but all eyes were on me. I could see that the same thoughts had plagued them to.

Finally after a few minutes my phone rings. Its like the whole room stood still I could feel Carle next to me trying to calm me down as Edward stares at the phone. He looks at me and tells me that it's from Charlie's phone.

He answers and lets him know that I just got my phone up and running. A few more words are exchanged and Edward hands me the phone. When I hear his voice I feel better his okay but the feeling deep inside is still there. After all there is an emergency what kind.

"Bella I need you to listen to me." He says. He has his work voice, his I have something to tell you in an official matter.

"Dad I thought something happened to you I was having a nervous breakdown over here? I rambled out quickly half laughing half crying.

"Bells." His serious the tone hasn't changed

"What happened? Did something happen to the house?"

Maybe the house has burn down, all my things gone. Its okay I want to tell him before he confirms as long as he is okay I don't care.

I love him.

"Nothing happened to the house." He takes a deep breath. The official Chief voice is there. It's the I have really bad news. "I need you to be strong okay. I need you to get here and I need you to be strong." He repeats.

Strong. Right.

"But why, what's going on?" I stammer out. Tears are already falling yet I don't know what's going on. He asking me to be strong only confirms that this will be bad.

"It's your mother"

**A/N**

**just a few words.**

**there will be a few more chapters until the end, like i said i'm not one to drag it out but my beta asked me if i plan a sequel truth be told it did cross my mind. at this point im trying to finish this and i would take your opinion as the determining factor. i'm guessing its all in the way it goes down at the end.**

**my schedule for this has basically gone out the window its just i have very little time to write at the current moment but i will try my best to get them out quicker.**

**Thank you for reading and review if you must.**


	23. Chapter 23

**yeah...longer than expected for that i'm sorry. good news its almost over. **

**this is an unbeta'd ch. will replace until my great beta gets the ch. back to me. she is one in a million and has a life of her own. **

**all mistakes are mine.**

**didn't dream it don't own it.**

**ok ...im done...**

Chapter 22: ""In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on."-Robert Frost

The lightning and thunderstorm is slowly rolling in. The sky is gray and the breeze has just picked up to a full blown wind. Everything around me is moving in slow motion as the gust picks up and all I hear is the swooshing of the trees. The grass is a lot longer than I remember from the last time I was here.

Everything has changed; everything that I knew then to what I know now is vastly different. My life is altered by the many events that have occurred. The truth is I wish I could stay in my meadow, I wish I could lay down and get lost in the over grown grass, I wish I could become the dirt and melt into the grown where nobody could find me.

Just when I thought that my life resembled some kind of normalcy when I was in California, something has to happen. I should have known better. But it is what it is.

My life before, was full of drama mothers and stepsisters that didn't understand me or just simply didn't like me. Friends from the past and present that rebuilt or broke their trust with me, like I said a lot has changed.

Right now I'm thankful for the little things that have stayed the same. Like, the fact that it's August and the thunderstorms have arrived like clockwork they don't skip a summer. The fact that my rusty truck keeps giving me problems is very much welcomed. The way Charlie's alarm clock goes off an hour he actually gets up is comforting today.

Today.

Today has become a long and unwelcomed day. I sit hear shivering, the dress is not long enough to protect me from the chill. My hair is pulled back into a pony tail if not it would be all over the place. I lost the shoes while running here; my feet have little cuts all over them from stepping on stems and branches as I worked my way up the hill.

I couldn't take it anymore the looks the whispered words. The condolences, the sorry's, the "do you need to talk", the "gone to soon", and the most annoying question the "how are you holding up?"

I wanted to yell and scream to those who asked me that. I wanted to tell them how do you think it feels? I couldn't breathe the house was to small and all the people in there all the food the different conversations all around me. There was laughter in some corners, tears in others, and hugs all around.

Family I haven't seen in years are where there. In my mother's house hugging and comforting Phil and Tanya. Because apparently, I'd lost my mother a long time ago not just last week.

It was a car accident; it's still unsure whose fault it was. The other driver died as well they were from out of state a man in his 40's that's all I know.

When Charlie finally told me over the phone the situation, my mind went blank all blood drained from me. I felt numb, I felt like I was in a nightmare. The only thing that resembled warmth and comfort was when Edward wrapped me in his arms and didn't let go. He didn't say anything he just held me. That was better than anything he could have said.

I haven't cried, it's odd I was almost having a break down before he told me what exactly was going on but as the words "your mother was in an accident, and she didn't make it" I stopped. All thought process all emotions are like I said numb.

For the first time since I've known Leah she has been serious and respectful. No hurtful words against my mom or Tanya for that matter. Not even when we arrived from the airport to my house when Edwards's cell phone went off and it was her. He took the call, I insisted upon it. But he didn't walkaway he didn't hide the conversation he sat next to me as he gave her his condolences.

Jake being the only person I know well besides Tanya that has lost a mother. He held me and told me that everything will be okay. That, I shouldn't dwell on the past and live for the future. Who knew my Jake could be deep. With a kiss on my cheek he was off to live his life with the girlfriend he loves.

I haven't said much since I've been back. Small talk has been just that small with limited words. Edward has been coming over every day. He doesn't say much either. He just lets me be. He lets me get lost in my thoughts the ones that keep nagging me about how I should have, could have, and didn't do with my mother.

Tanya and Phil came over three days after I arrived. I was up in my room with Edward again just sitting in silence but it was safe, it made me feel good to have him there just holding me. When Charlie came to announce their unexpected visit Edward felt like he should stay in the room just so things don't get uncomfortable with her.

Well that plan went to hell as I descended from the stairs. The look in her eyes said it all; she still hasn't let him go.

Phil broke down soon as he saw me. He was speaking in between his sobs about how much I look like her. How proud she was of me but never knew how to show it or tell me. How she was working on herself to make things better between us.

True or not I will never know. The time of making up and putting it behind us will never happen.

Phil and Charlie went to the kitchen to make some coffee and I know they went to take a cigar smoke out back. That left Tanya standing looking around my father's house, she slowly worked herself to the living room to the mantel and started looking at all the pictures Charlie had on display, all of me at different stages of me growing up.

She suddenly turns to me and looks me in the eyes. I don't look away for the first time we aren't looking at each other like mortal enemies or competition. At that moment we saw each other as women who have lost a mother. In her case her second one. No words were exchanged as we let the moment sink in. She went to stand by the window and there was a clear view of Edwards's car parked right in front of theirs.

"I loved her" she said in the softest tone. "She gave me love; she was a good mother to me. I won't let her memory be tainted by an ungrateful daughter"

And just like that the moment of understanding was gone.

"Really, you're seriously doing this?" I questioned disbelievingly.

"Bella let's be honest with each other. We both know you told her to get the hell out of your life. Are you happy now? She's permanently out of everybody's. Can you sleep at night?"

I was about to tell her where exactly to go. Just when I thought that this would be the one time where we could be in the same page she starts being her unstable self. Before I was able to say anything I heard the steps from the stairs.

"Edward, let me guess you're going to tell me to leave your precious Bella alone"

"Tanya, I understand the sorrow you are going through right now so the fact that you're trying to attack Bella in her own house with both your fathers right outside is even low for you." He tells her.

"Look, I get it you'll never like me, I'll never like you it's a fact but can we just call a truce our mother just died for once it's not about me and you it's about her." My voice started to betray me and started to break a little. I could feel my eyes get watery. It's the first time that I have referred to my mother as dead.

Charlie and Phil walked in as all three of us stood there with more words unspoken but understood. Why they felt the need to leave us alone is beyond me but it is what it is. Charlie said that Phil wanted us to talk and make decisions on who will speak or if we take turns.

I've left all the decisions to them. I'm being honest with myself they knew her more than me. I knew a Renee from ten years before. The one that believed in healing crystals, the one that loved dancing in the middle of anywhere no matter who was around. I knew her when stability scared her and the thought of living in a small town was as appealing as a root canal. I knew her when she was mine. But the truth is I knew her, I didn't know her anymore.

The thunder clashing right above me brings me back to the reality of it all. The sky seems darker and grayer and ready to down pour. I wonder if anybody has noticed my absence. The whole thing was unreal. I can hear footsteps working their way to me. I knew who it was, there is only one other person besides me that loves this place.

"You disappeared on me" he accuses me with a small smile on his handsome face.

"I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was suffocating in there. All those people trying to up each other on how well they knew her or who has the best story. I was done."

He sits next to me pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his arms right on top. He tilts his head to look at me and the way he looks at me makes me feel better.

"I love you" he states. "And because I love you I want to tell you to release whatever you have in side. Its killing me seeing you hold back. "

I shrug and lay down to stair up at the sky. He mimics my move and we are both laying side by side. We both turn to look at each other and suddenly I can feel my eyes water and this time I don't try to stop them. The tears fall and my silent cry becomes my ugly cry. It's loud and it hurts. My chest hurts my heart hurts. I hurt. I'm shaking and his next to me embracing me the only way he knows how. He just tells me to let it out to just let it out. To feel it to live it and let it go. His telling me that no matter what his here with me and he will never leave me again. He promises that life will get better that the pain will slowly be better to deal with until one day that pain will only come back when the memory invades my thoughts.

His words somehow are good. They make me feel. That's it I feel I've been closed and numb I just needed to feel. And right now I'm feeling all the pain and hurt not just for the loss of her physically but the loss of her emotionally.

He holds me tighter and pulls me closer to him. We find our self's in an awkward position. I pull him on top of me. I want to be under him I want him to make everything feel better. I start to inhale deep I want his sent to overcome my senses I want to get lost in him. I want him to get lost in me. I start give him little kisses all along his jaw line. Until I finally reach his lips that slowly kiss me back his trying to take the pain I feel it I know it. The way he looks at me is of love and I whisper it to him "I love you so much that it hurts"

The story of my life, to love so fully it hurts.

He stops kissing me and looks into my eyes. He rest his forehead against mine "I know the feeling" he replies and with that the slow kissing continues. I want more of him I slowly invade his mouth with my tongue and with that the soft understanding kiss has become frantic and needy. I start moving my arms all over his body. I want him here and now.

I could still hear the thunder but I didn't care. I wanted him to kiss me all over. I was no longer cold I was hot and the dress that was much to short earlier has become too much since having him on top of me.

His mouth moves slowly down my neck and with every open mouth kiss he places on my body I want to return the favor. I start undoing his shirt and he slides in between my legs I bend my left leg and he starts to caress it and my leg is fully exposed to his soft touch I can feel when his fingers reach my panties and slowly his under them and slowly invading me.

Its two different worlds at this moment his mouth his kissing me fast and lustful but his hands are being gentle. I start feeling that built up as his fingers are in and out of me. I stop kissing him long enough to tell him that I want him. That I want him now. The look is concern and uncertainty that he gives me back.

"Bella, I don't want this to be just a way for you to deal or forget."

"Don't worry it's not. I just need you. For the first time I'm telling you that I don't care what others think I just want you. It's all ways been you and I don't care what the consequences are with the rest of the world"

I guess that was good enough reason for him because he continued his task at building me up. He suddenly stops and I can feel him slowly dragging my underwear down until they were no longer on me. His shirt was the next article of clothing that got tossed aside. I can see every muscle and feel it. My dress has buttons all along the front and he simply unbuttons all of them and unclasps my bra. I slip off both things from my arms and by the time I look at him again his pants are already gone.

It's crazy, both of us naked in the middle of the meadow with the thunderstorm around us. There is kissing and holding and legs parting nervously as I feel all of him there right there and I feel the pressure as he slowly moves in closer. He tells me to breath and I feel him entering me. I feel him slipping in further and further in me. Once his completely inside me, he gives me a moment to adjust.

With no words exchanged he starts to move slowly and I feel discomfort at first but its only until I get used to it then it starts to feel better. The rain drops are falling scarcely but it doesn't stop us from continuing. The few rain drops are enough to get our skin moist and slippery. He starts to kiss down my neck to my chest and his hot breath is right on my nipple. Just like that his mouth is on my breast and slowly sucking and the feeling is indescribable with him inside me with him sucking me with him moving his hands all over my exposed skin I feel that I won't be able to hold on much longer. The feelings are screaming and the release is close, so close.

I'm grabbing on to his hair. His hair that is much longer now. I'm pulling in slightly but it encourages him to continue to do what his doing to both my breast his not ignoring either of them. His mouth has moved on to the other breast as his hand messages the one he started off with.

At this point I'm meeting him thrust by thrust. My body is doing this on its own accord but I don't care how I come off as the faster and harder he goes in me the closer I get. I feel my body humming in anticipation. He's saying something about getting closer and not being able to hold on much longer.

And just like that we are franticly thrusting in and out and hands hand mouths and bites are being shared and it feels so damn good.

I feel it.

I feel how one more good thrust inside me and I will completely and deliciously fall apart.

Like he could read my mind he's inside me one more time hitting the right spot and sending me to a place with stars and heaviness upon my body. His completely draped on top of me and his head is resting on my shoulder and I can feel his nose by my neck and his taken deep breaths. The post cuddling does not arrive because the rain drops where no longer scattered the down pour began.

We both started laughing, hysterically and quickly got up and got dressed. Not having enough time to be embarrassed that he has seen my naked like the day I was born. We both hurry up and get dressed and rush down before we get drenched. Our hands are clasped together as we hit the pavement and head to my house.

We are soaking wet as we enter the house. I tell him he could take a shower while I get some clothes he could change into. He suggests that I should take a really warm bath. The whole way here he just kept on asking me if I was good or in pain. I kept reassuring him that I was fine. Truth be told I was a little soar. It doesn't help when right after we had sex we had to hike our way back.

Just so he doesn't keep asking me if I'm alright I take a quick shower and he follows after me. I had put his clothes to dry as I got dressed and looked for something that he could wear in the mean while. Twenty minutes later his coming out of the bathroom with just a white towel on and looking as good as ever.

Guilt washes over me. For the past two hours I've forgotten all about what today was. I had lost my mother and I was having sex with Edward.

Renee must be turning in her grave right about now. She would be so pissed off at me if she were alive. I can't help but feel bad. I guess the look on my face says it all because next thing I know his sitting next to me in my bed and putting his arm around me as round two of my ugly cry takes over.

This time I'm babbling about how disappointed my mom would be. I start asking him why she stopped loving me. Why she found someone else to be her daughter that I was okay to share her but they just tossed me to the side.

He was just holding me and letting me air out what I had inside. Laing down on my bed that was too small for the both of us but managed to stay that way for a while.

"Not that I mind" he finally spoke as he is currently spooning me, in just the white towel. "but do you think my clothes are dry? I just don't want your dad to get home and hurt me if he finds us in your bed and me ….well practically naked."

"Oh, yeah sorry about that, they should be good, I had actually pulled some sweats and a t-shirt that belonged to my dad but I've taken. If you like you can put those on so you don't have to wait for me to go get your clothes out of the dryer."

"I see what you were doing"

"Excuse me, what are you talking about?" I asked confusingly. I had no idea what he was referring to.

"It's ok, I get it i would keep you keep you in a towel as well."

I just looked at him and rolled my eyes at him.

"Shut up, I'll leave so you can change."

Walking down the stairs I feel a mixture of joy and completeness with sadness and incompletes, all these emotions jumbled up in me. I don't regret what I did with Edward, I know he thinks I'll regret it but I won't. How could I, I love him and I want to be happy. I spent to many years wishing to have him dwelling, pining, and wounded because of it. And here I am with him telling me he loves me taking care of me in this moment of sorrow.

A lot of people are going to ask themselves why? Why, I'm I doing this to myself, how can I forget who he was with and how long. What am I thinking? But the truth is I love him.

It's simple.

The complications came from us. From not talking from miscommunicating, from being young and naïve, from being stupid. But the truth is I love him. It's simple it's the truth.

There are going to be haters and skeptics. Those who think that he didn't do enough to have me. Those who think his done everything to show me the love he has for me.

There are going to be the people who have known the story and be happy that we finally got are shit together with each other. That we are not going to let people come between us again. There are going to be those who will hate the idea (Tanya) and whoever else that won't get passed the idea of him dating my stepsister first. But in all honesty who cares. It's my life and I love him and I want him and im not going to pass up the opportunity again to be with him.

So for those who support us ill thank and be grateful for. For those who won't like it. You don't have to but don't judge me on it.

My mother's passing has had a bigger impact on this than anything else. It's true that she changed from who she was when I was young to who she was when I was older. But the one thing that never did change was the fact that she didn't let anybody tell her what to do. Yes, she became a little too concerned on what the people thought about her daughter but she didn't apologize for who she was.

So, I won't apologize for who I love and who I chose to be with. After all it's been complicated.

**A/N:**

**So, i'm not going to lie kinda nervous on this ch. i think there will just around 2-3 more and this thing will be done.**

**yeah, Renee died. i had that planned since i started this little adventure. **

**i know that like bella said some will feel that ed didnt do enough or some will think i dragged it, i hope that at least you have to understand that when you love someone sometimes you just want to be with them.**

**if you are reading my other story All the days after i will update today at some point.**

**ok. im done**

**thanks for reading and review if you must...i really do want to know what you think on this one.**

**ok, i'm done for real this time.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Don't Own it.**

**Katie aka trueloveoverall...thank you for fixing this, thank you for removing made up words, and thank you for everything At this point i heart you hard.**

Chapter 23: "Move on. It's just a chapter in the past, but don't close the book-just turn the page."

Even though it's late August the weather is still hot during the day but it gets cooler in the evenings. The breeze has picked up and the smell of the ocean is surrounding all of us that are gathered here for Charlie's wedding to Sue.

Just like them it's simple and they both had decided on just family it was just Leah, Seth, and myself. Since their first marriages were both fails they assumed that smaller was better and cheaper if we got down to it. There is going to be a small reception at the house just friends and family. It was totally the opposite of what Emmett and Rosalie are planning for the end of the year.

Charlie looks ridiculously happy while he's promising 'til death do us part'. My heart grows every time I get to experience a genuine smile on my father's face. He even asked me if I wanted him to post pone the ceremony because it was only a month after Renee's death.

I assured him that he didn't have to do that. His wedding was actually the best thing for me. It kept me busy and my thoughts on happy moments instead of sad ones.

Sue looks stunning she didn't go overboard with the dress it's simple but beautiful and her hair is pinned up with just scattered curly tendrils around her face. Leah and I look almost like twins well besides the fact that she has a stunning natural tan skin versus my pale one. Seth has a big smile really he and Jake could do commercials with their pearly whites.

I hand Charlie the ring because I'm his best man/women thing. "You may kiss the bride" pastor Webber finally says. And Charlie and Sue don't hold back, it's the whole dip her and tongue her type of kiss.

Awkward

Seth clears his throat for them to stop. Yeah, don't care if they just got married there are certain things you just don't do in front of the kids, and that tonguing each other would be one of them.

Of course Leah is the only one saying to keep going.

We make our way up the cars and the limo that is waiting for the newlyweds. That was our surprise for them since they did everything small we thought they should at least arrive in style.

Once we pull up to Sue's house, well their house now, all their friends are already there waiting for them outside with bubbles flying every which way. Leah and Seth get off and make them wait until we could get two lines they could walk in between with rose pedals being thrown at them.

Not quite sure who came up with that idea but it seemed good at the time.

Finally they make their way to the front door and in between the two lines of the people congratulating them. The peddles and bubbles are all over the place and for a moment I forget how cheesy this could be.

Everybody makes their way to the back yard that has tables set up all over and a buffet style dinner awaits the entire guest. I see most of the sergeants here some our still in their uniform because they are actually on duty.

Yeah, thank god we live in a relatively peaceful place.

Jake is here with Vanessa and Billy.

Alice and Jasper came up just for the wedding even though their classes started this week. I give her a wave soon as I spot her already waiting in line for food. Emmett is here with Rosalie, they have already sent out their wedding invitations for December. Rosalie has had her wedding planned since she could read and write so I knew that this for her was going to be some fast planning.

We eventually got around to having that long awaited conversation. Can't say it went well, there were a lot of tears from her and a lot of tears from me. There was regret and resentment that can't just let me forgotten just yet.

"Bella, I know how much I hurt you….I can't begin to explain to you how much I regret everything I believed everything I said to you or about you." Rosalie admitted but the whole time she couldn't look me in the eyes.

I wanted to tell her many things that I had saved up ever since she kicked me out but at that moment I couldn't get the words out. I could feel myself get emotional and I didn't want to cry, I refused.

"I get that what I did isn't going to be something that can be fixed with an 'I'm sorry' but I think it's a start. I really do understand your hesitation and I don't blame you but…" she stopped herself because the tears where shedding "but I really do miss my best friend, and I understand that you won't be my maid of honor but I at least want you to be there. I know that you'll go because Edward will be there and you and Emmett are still friends but I at least want to feel like maybe just maybe your there for me to."

I agreed to be there for my boyfriend and his brother that happened to be my friend but I couldn't find it in me just yet to let her in like before not even a little bit. I might sound petty but besides Renee she hurt me the most.

Yes, more than Edward he didn't know he pushed me away but never made me feel less than. Rose she went out of her way to make me feel small and insignificant. So, yes being her friend is not on top of my to do list but I hope one day we are able to get to a point where we could look at each other and just remember the good times. Right now all we seem to recall is how hurt we both are.

When I spot them in the back yard I wave and give a smile. I mean it I don't want petty things to ruin the current mood of the day. I get startled when I feel two arms wrap themselves around me. I would know them anywhere.

I can feel his chin rest on my shoulder his breath hits the side of my face leaving goose bumps along the way.

"Can I just tell you how good you look in this dress?" He whispers in my ear.

"Don't try and get fresh at my father's wedding." I warn him.

"I wouldn't dare, I'm pretty sure I saw his gun on him."

It's true he did. Charlie just can't seem to leave his job at the station someday. Not even on his wedding.

It's a little weird to have Edward hugging me in front of people. We were able to keep this thing between us low key for a couple of weeks. There where phone calls to tell me how happy or how disappointed they were in me because I didn't tell them right away.

Shit, if it was up to me I wouldn't have said anything. But life is tricky and when you live in a small town and your boyfriends ex is your crazy stepsister things tend to get messy.

After the funeral and ….the sex we talked and laid everything on the table. I told him about all the doubt and judgment I felt once people figured out that there was more than just a rekindling of friendship going on between us.

I just didn't want to hear the gossip especially since Renee's death was so recent. He understood me and agreed to keep it between us as long as possible. It also seemed like a good idea because we could just see how it went with us.

Another thing I brought to the table was the sex part of the relationship. Yeah, there wasn't going to be any. I know it seems a bit backwards but at the moment it felt right and I don't regret it but I didn't think it was an open invitation to just have it every day or whatever.

This part of the agreement came much harder than I anticipated. Really who knew that one sexual encounter would bring on nights of sheer horniness. I found myself thinking about it a lot. How do people go about their day?

At one point I almost broke and called him. I was embarrassed but I didn't want to call Leah she would have a field day with this. So, I talked to him about how I was feeling, although we were on the phone I could hear him to suppress the laugh.

He assured me that its natural and he is there for me whenever I was ready.

Yeah I had to roll my eyes on that one.

Not going to lie when we did spend time together there was definitely a lot of making out, a lot touching and a lot of rubbing. Edward would just tell me that he wanted me to feel good. His fingers would get the job done. It wasn't the same as the penis but it was sufficient.

I felt like I should do something for him but there was no way in hell I was doing oral. Yeah, no way no how.

Not going to happen, but I did want him to feel good and since I got it stuck in my head that sex was off for a while I decided that a hand job wouldn't be too bad.

Here's the thing, I'm a teacher and obviously I know what a penis looks like but when we had sex I didn't look down when he was in me. So, the first time we ventured to the point of me being up and close to it, I was a little scared. I knew that it was in me but when I saw the size of it well I think my eyes bugged out because the concerned etched on Edwards face was kind of funny.

"Baby, we don't have to do anything. I mean you're the one that's pushing for it I'm okay."

I wanted to laugh because the whole thing was ridiculous. Seriously it's just funny looking and he's so big and wide. I slowly wrapped my hand on it and I could feel the warmth of it. I also heard when Edward inhaled sharply.

"Bella, you" he stops and inhales deeper "need to be comfortable. "

"I am it's just that I've never touched one it's almost fascinating."

And it was he wrapped his hand over mine and guided me slowly up and down and watching our hand stroke his shaft made me want him even more. Now I understood all those conversations Leah, Rose, and hell even Alice would talk about. I started squirming around because I was getting excited. Just when we were well in our way to a little satisfaction there is a knock at his door.

We both looked puzzled for the mere fact that he lived in Port Angeles and only his family knew where he lived. He made sure that they would always call if they were to stop by. Edward continued our menstruation but the knocking was insistent and then suddenly the voice of the last person I expected came through.

"Edward, I know your there open the door!" Tanya demanded.

"What the fuck does she want?" Edward said more to himself than to me.

The only good thing about the situation was that I didn't drive there. Edward was going to drop me off back at Forks so there is no way she knew I was there. The only question that crossed my mind was how the fuck did she find out where he lived?

"How does she know where you live?" I asked sounding a little accusatory.

"I don't fucking know but let me tell her to go the fuck home."

Adjusting everything in to place he stands up and walks over to the front door. If she decides to peek through she won't be able to see me and I really didn't feel like having an argument.

I hear when he stops right at the door and exhales as he opens it. I just hear him say "what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"What I'm not allowed into your home, but I'm pretty sure you've had her here already." Tanya states and I'm guessing she just barged herself right in.

"Who I have over or don't really isn't any of your concern so, now that it's settled get the fuck out."

There is silence but I don't hear any movement.

"Tanya really it's been months just let this go. We are over! I'm not changing my mind. My heart is not changing its feelings. I'm sorry I hurt you all these years but I tried to make it work with you it just didn't." Edward sounds pleading.

"You never gave us a chance."

"Yes, I did but you're the one that constantly reminded me that I loved her so I never was able to let her go. I know now that I never will. Tanya she is, and has always been, it for me. I know this makes me out to be the ass but you lied from the beginning so I can't sit here and sweet talk by you into something I just don't feel any more for you. Because believe it or not, I did care about you. It just never became more than that. Move on find yourself someone that will love you the right way."

Without even realizing I was holding my breath the whole time the exchange was happening. I was afraid that she would be able to hear me. I hear her she sounded hurt and heartbroken not like the other times where she was just competing with me. For a short second I almost felt bad for her until she spoke up again before she walked out.

Sounding hard and unemotional again "I hope she enjoys my sloppy seconds." And with those humble words she walked out.

To say that killed the mood is an understatement. Edward joined me back on the living room and we both sat there quietly for a while. But for the first time it felt that maybe this was it she was no longer going to be bothering us.

That's until we made up back up to forks and it seemed that everybody knew we were together. Turns out she followed us all day and knew I was there. Phil came over and told me that they were moving back to Arizona.

He let me know that she just needed to get away and that she would move on faster if she didn't have to see it.

It's not like we were walking around the street holding hands and kissing.

Word got around quickly and next thing I knew I had everybody calling me and demanding details.

But here we are standing in the back yard of very relaxed reception acting like a normal couple.

School will begin after this weekend and he is flying to New York for two weeks. I don't expect this relationship to be easy and smooth since it seems that our entire bumpy ride was just getting to this point. I know that nothing is perfect there will be arguments. There will be moments where I will want to kill him but after everything that we've been through I don't doubt the love I have for him because as he grabs my hand and twirls me into the small section to dance I look in his eyes and I see the same love reflecting back at me.

As he eases me on to the simple dance steps he leans into my ear and asks me, "when are we going to have our own reception?"

**A/N: one more chapter.**

**Just wanted to thank everybody that reviewed last chapter. some of you wanted renee and bella to fix there problems but life sometimes is not so easy. there are times when people leave us and we have no resolution. its sad but the truth.**

**thank you for reading and review if you must.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Beta: Katie (trueloveoverall) I just want to take this little moment to THANK YOU for everything you have done with helping me out with this story. There are no words truly on how you stayed with me until the end and for that I will always be grateful. You kept it real telling me what works and what doesn't and adding touches that made it flow so much better. I know that your RL has you occupied but you still took time and looked over and fixed this for me YOU are one in a million. Everybody check her out she is truly amazing**

Chapter 24: "There will be a time when you think everything is finished. That will be the beginning."- Louis L'Amour

I banged my head on my kitchen table. I promised my dad that I would watch the little brat but I did not anticipate him not wanting anything to do with me. Every time I take a step near him he runs away like I am some little child kidnapper. This day was not going how I wanted it to be going. I had it all planned out, watch some kid's shows, have some fun healthy snacks, maybe take a drive to the park then back home for a nap before mommy and daddy came home. Yeah, so not happening right now.

"Come here you little rug rat" I tell him playfully as I try to catch him.

I guessed the terrible two's are on full display this afternoon.

"Come here give me that pleeeease." I beg him.

He just looks at me and starts running all around again. I know if I go after him he will just keep running and it will probably end up like last time he fell and split his lip. I did not want that again, all the blood got me to freak out and I was unable to handle the situation like I should have.

All I am trying to do is to get him to stop running and give me the pencil he got from table. Just when I am about to give up Edward comes strolling in to help me.

Oh how I love him. Edward knows that between both of us the little rug rat only listens to him not me.

"Hey Charlie" Edward says to him as he puts his things down on the floor and makes his way towards him. The little brat runs towards him open arms and all. I can't help but roll my eyes at the situation I mean I am nothing but here for him and all it takes Edward is a "Hey Charlie" and he gets a hug and a kiss.

_What the hell._

"Really, I've been trying to get him to come to me for the last ten minutes but he just kept on running away. What do you do? Give him crack or something for him to love you more than he loves me?" I ask disbelievingly. "I was here all day with him and not once has he tried to hug me." I whined like a little kid.

I it's hard to sit back and see that Charlie loves him more than his own sister.

"Baby, he doesn't love me more but I play with him cars and stuff you know _men_ things." Edward explains as if it's going to make me feel better.

But I know that's a bunch of bull.

"If it makes you feel better he likes you better than Leah."

"The fact that he _might _like me better than Leah is not comforting at all because Leah is Leah. Charlie is the only child she has ever associate with."

Edward walks over to me with my little brother in his arms. I can't help but think how good he looks holding a toddler and just like that the nervousness throughout the whole day has vanished on how to tell him my big news _our_ big news.

Once he reaches me he brings me close to him with one arm as he is still holding Charlie and we are bundled up in a group hug.

"Bella, he loves you. Huh buddy you love Ella?"

My brother turns to me and out stretches his arms and wraps them both around my neck.

Okay so the little rug rat is adorable.

When Sue and Charlie sprung the big news on us shocked didn't begin to cover how we felt. Leah was laughing and questioning how two old people could possible not be aware that now a days there are things that could prevent unwanted pregnancies.

That conversation didn't go well both my father and sue didn't look at it as unwanted but an unexpected surprise that was very much welcomed.

I couldn't wait to be a big sister I was happy and most importantly I was happy for them.

Our moment was interrupted when there was a knock at the door.

I go to open it and Dad, Sue, Leah and Paul are back from their day in Port Angeles.

They all make their way inside the house and I can feel that there is some big news waiting to be shared.

"Bells we have some exiting news." Sue tells me excitement pouring out of her.

"Don't tell me you're pregnant again? The last time you started with that statement nine months later you were bringing this little thing in to the world." I say chuckling a little as Edward hands off Charlie to my dad.

"Oh, god no" my dad mumbles out.

"Look" Leah chimes in and waves her hand in front of me I was able to notice a ring on her finger.

I start looking between Lean and Paul and I start jumping up and down joining her as we are laughing and hugging.

"I can't believe you two are. I mean wow that's crazy. Shit have you told Jake? He is going to flip on this one."

Leah and Paul start dating just five months ago, but I can't say I was surprised when they finally got it on. They fought so much and Edward would always tell me that it was sexual but I didn't believe him until Leah told me it was in fact one big foreplay for all those years of arguing, bickering and fighting.

After congratulations were made everybody was on their way to go and spread the word of the upcoming nuptials. Leah already recruited me for Maid of Honor, which means that I get to be in every aspect of planning the wedding.

I apparently didn't have a choice in the matter. I was doing it and that was that.

This is why Edward and I eloped; we didn't want the fuss of it all and yes there was many disappointed people but my father was not one of them. He was happy he got out of paying for a wedding. Leah was already trying to get Harry to shell out big time.

When Charlie married Sue he moved in with her and I stayed at the house. Edward continued living in Port Angeles but it became somewhat pointless when five times out of the week he would stay the night. Six months later we made the decision to move in together, six months after that on my birthday he took me to Las Vegas to celebrate and being there we just did it.

There wasn't a big proposal it was a spur of the moment type of thing.

"_We should get married before we get back home" Edward said as we walked the strip hand in hand._

"_Yeah, we should just do that drive through wedding." I added._

"_I can get my papers faxed down so we could go get the marriage certificate how about you?"_

_At first I thought he was playing but no he was dead serious but it didn't bother me I just agreed that I could get Charlie to send them to me._

Alice was the most upset because she wanted to be there but she got over it when I told her that whenever we decided to have a child she would be the godmother.

That was simple enough.

Esme and Carlisle were a little disappointed but since Emmett and Rose had the biggest wedding that Fork had ever seen, maybe even that the state has ever seen. I think they understood that we were more low key then they are.

Emmett's and Rosalie's wedding was just beautiful. She went all out every detail was perfect I wouldn't expect anything less from her. The ceremony was beautiful the party was a blast and nobody had the slightest idea that things could have been different.

"_Psst. Bella" I heard Alice call to me as I stood inside the church, I saw her black hair peering out a door off to the side where I knew is where the bride gets ready._

_I see her wave me over and I get up from the pew and make my way over to her._

"_Alice is there something wrong?" I ask her because she looks a little worried._

"_Umm, it's Rose she's like having a break down and not listening to anybody Lillian told me to come and get you to see if you could maybe talk to her calm her down."_

_I wanted to say no but Rosalie's mother is the one that told her to come and find me I couldn't refuse I loved the woman too much not to help out. Besides the problem was between Rose and I not anybody else. _

_Alice saw the conflicting emotions with in me but she looked at me with those green eyes of hers and pleaded "Come on Bella if she refuses to get it together Emmett is going to suspect that maybe she's had a change of heart or something."_

_I didn't want Emmett to worry about whatever is going on with Rose. I don't know what I could have done to make things better but I'll give it a try._

_I make my way into the room its quiet and Rose is all dressed and the only thing missing is her veil. Lily her mother is standing next to her soothing her and telling her to stop crying or her make-up is going to be ruined._

_I don't say anything right away until Lily turns around and gives me a grateful smile._

"_Bella, dear it seems like forever since we've seen each other." She walks towards me and hugs me and whispers in my ear. "You're the only one that can make her get it together." She tells me._

_With that she is out the door and we are left alone in the room._

_Rosalie is standing in front of a full length mirror and I could see her face was perfect I couldn't even tell she had been crying._

_Taking cautious steps towards her she turns around and my first impression is that she looks flawless but I see a little sadness seeping through the happiest day of her life._

"_Rose you've been waiting for this. Don't psyche yourself out of your big day." I say sincerely._

"_I know, I know it's just that," She starts off before her voice breaks just a little. "I could say I have everything I have ever wanted, besides the kids that we'll have later, but I can't help to feel like I can't completely enjoy this day knowing that I will never have my best friend back." And she is crying full on. _

_It breaks my heart that she feels this way, it breaks my heart that I'm standing here with her and I feel like I have no soothing words for her._

_I don't know what to do or say and I just grab her hand and give her "it's going to be okay" line._

"_I understand that Bella, I do it just kills me that you're not my maid of honor. I appreciate Alice doing it and I'm thankful that you convinced her to give me another chance but it still hurts that not only are you not it but you're sitting on his side not mine. I know it sounds stupid but I can't help but feel jealous of my future husband. He has your friendship and I don't."_

"_Rosalie, I don't matter right know the only person that matters is Emmett. Who is going to start to freak out if you're not out there in five minutes. I promise to talk and work through things but right now neither the time nor the place."_

_The door opens and its Alice "it's time" she says and I walk out of there hoping that she's able to give a good face._

_I walk toward Lillian who is sitting in the front row and I ask her if it's okay to sit by her. She gives me a hug, thanks me and makes someone at the end of the row move back so Mr. Hale is able to sit as well once he gives Rose away._

_The music starts and Emmett and Edward enter and I could see Edward searching for me since I'm not where he left me when we arrived. He suddenly looks at me and gives me a knowing smile. I also notice that Emmett is aware that I'm standing in the wrong side but his dimples never looked so pronounced as he mouths to me thank you._

_Finally after everybody is in place the bride is walking with her father next to her and all eyes on how amazing she looks I can't help but look at Emmett and notice his eyes shimmer. Once Rosalie gets closer her eyes flicker to me and I see a tear slide down her perfect face. When they reach the first step before handing her off to Emmett she turns to look at me and takes a few steps and hugs me._

_I hug her back, and it's weird that we are having this moment in her wedding day in front of everybody that more or less know the situation. Even though I didn't know how things would work out I could give her this on her day. I could give her the best friend she wanted and the forgiveness she's been searching for._

"Baby"

"hmmm"

"Wake up"

"Hmmm"

"Bellllllaaaa, wake up"

"Why"

"I just talked to Emmett, guess what?"

"Hmmm"

"Come on its really good news."

I sit up from the couch since I dozed off there after they all left.

"Their finally done with that big project and there coming back sooner because Rose is expecting, can you believe that." He says excitedly.

That woke me right up.

"How far along is she?" I ask because this is too weird.

"I don't know, few months? Oh no, I think he said she's like three or something."

I haven't told him because well I just had it confirmed a few days ago that I'm two months along. I don't want to take away from their moment they've been trying since they got married and nothing for the longest time.

"I'm so happy for them they're going to be amazing parents."

"Yeah they are and I'm going to be the favorite uncle."

"You're the only uncle …well I guess we could count Jasper but not until its official."

"Nope doesn't matter Jasper has nothing on me." He says confidently.

I wonder how he'll feel about our expectancy. We never really talk about kids except that time I told Alice she'll be the godmother but nothing really after that.

Not that I think he won't be happy but he never says much about it.

"Edward."

"Yes. my beautiful wife."

I can't help but roll my eyes at him.

"I have something to tell you."

He turns to look at me and has an intrigued look on his face.

"This must be good, look at you all fidgety. Wait, don't tell me that Tanya is getting divorced and is calling again." He asks annoyingly.

When Tanya found out we got married it was like she didn't even leave. Kept calling to tell Edward that he obviously lost it but she would be there whenever he decided to come back to his senses.

I guess crazy doesn't get better.

Recently Phil called me to inform me that she was getting married to a doctor and she seemed to be truly in love.

I wish nothing but the best for her not because I care but if she's happy she leaves us the hell alone.

So yeah you bet I pray every day that her husband handles it correctly.

"God no."

"Okay so what's up wifey?"

"I got some news well, more like confirmation on something."

"Okay go on…"

"yourgoingtobeadad"

I think I hear when he stops actually breathing.

It takes him a few moments for the reaction. He slowly turns to me and a big grin starts forming and without any words he pulls me on to his lap and hugs me tightly and I can feel his mouth next to my hear and he's just whispering how happy I make him.

"You have no idea how happy you make me as my wife, no, mother of my child."

"That's a mouth full husband."

"I don't care I like it"

We pulled apart just enough to be face to face and lean in on each other's foreheads.

"Bella, just when I think you can't make me any happier you sprung the best news on me, next to agreeing on taking me back from my stupid era."

That's what he refers to as the Tanya years.

He moved his hand under my shirt and started caressing my stomach. I grabbed his face and kissed him so thoroughly so passionately that we had to stop and breathe.

"So, when do we tell everybody?"

"Not now. Let Emmett and Rose have their moment we weren't even trying but your super sperm was able to infiltrate me on the pill."

"What can I say it's a Cullen thing? When does Leah want to have her wedding cause I don't think she wants a wobbly prego ruining her day."

"Oh, geez I'll deal with her maybe this will be the perfect excuse to get out of it."

"Are you scared?" He asks me as he still his running his fingers ever so lightly against my stomach.

"Nah, it will be easy."

"I will be sure to remind you that you said it when you're pushing it out."

"Whatever Edward I'll be fine."

"We'll be fine. Besides how complicated could it be?" He asked with his beautiful smile.

The End (or the beginning depending on how you look at it.)

**A/N: Now THANK YOU the ones who have alerted, favored and reviewed the fact that you took time out of your life to read this. To those who reviewed and let me know how things made them happy or just pissed them off always made me Smile not because they pissed you off but because you invested enough to care. To the select few that reviewed almost every chapter (you know who you are and most importantly I know who you are) or the ones that reviewed once i was humbled by your words. i might do future takes I have an idea roaming around but we will see.**

**One last time for this story THANK YOU FOR READING. REVIEW IF YOU MUST.**


End file.
